In that beautiful old chapel, with the sun streaming in, I heard a man preach from the pulpit. But really, God was speaking to my heart, as well. The message was about repentance. In my heart, God was asking me if I remembered what that was. I pondered that for a moment and then replied, It means to change your mind and go in the direction of following you- at all costs.
The "at all costs" was ringing in my ear even as I whispered it in my heart. If I look around me, I don't have answers for a lot of recent challenges that have risen up and presented themselves to me. But in that chapel, while the guest speaker preached and challenged the students and visiting parents to examine themselves, examine their path, I had to ask myself if I was ready to keep walking- without having answers. I needed to surrender all doubts and fears, again, so that I could keep walking with Him, through thick and thin, on concrete pathways obviously planned for me, and through seasons of confusing signals and paths that seemingly evaporated before my eyes.
I said yes to this surrendering of the soul- and suddenly a lightness was there in my spirit again. I still had no answers but I suddenly realized that I didn't need answers so much as I needed the God who gives answers- when they're meant to be given. The road was still uncertain before me, but I felt ready to almost frolic along the way.
Later in the day, my son and I had dinner in the cafeteria. We chatted about all that we were seeing while visiting this college. We both were contemplative, pondering the turning point that was before us both. He headed off to spend the night at the guy's dorm, and I went back to my room at the inn.
The next morning, I went down to the dining room for breakfast. There were two couples there, and a single gal. We started talking. It was as if we had known each other a long time. For some reason, they seemed to know who I was, what motivated me, what tore at my heart, and what I was aiming for in this life. One woman took my hand in the middle of our conversation, in the middle of me sipping my coffee and having a bite of the egg casserole, and she said, "Can I pray with you?" That's like asking me if I would like to win a day at the spa. I nodded my head, and she prayed. She prayed something that I can't remember, as far as words; but as far as effect on me, I do remember that. Boldness returned to my soul.
The interesting thing is that as I was packing for the trip, I had decided to take a charm bracelet. I wore it the whole time. On this bracelet was a tiny silver box that opened. I had a shred of paper inside the box and on it I had written just one word. One little word ....Boldness.
On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.