Yesterday afternoon, after church, Abby and I went grocery shopping. I don't normally have the radio on but this time I was playing a worship CD. We approached the supermarket and the song, "God is in control" was rising to a crescendo. I was driving with one hand on the wheel, the other hand waving around, lifted upwards. I sang out the words with gusto.
"Mom, do you have to be so....loud?" Abby asked, noticing the other drivers looking at us as we pulled into the parking lot.
"Would you rather I be somber and quiet?" I asked her with a smile. I had a quick flashback to all the times I was with my mom and she got exuberant in her faith. I remember wishing I could shrink into the seat. Now I realize my Mom was singing her battle song- and many times she sung it completely by faith, by absolute will to keep pressing in for the strength and power God would offer her.
One of my favorite verses from the Psalms is "Sounds of rejoicing resound in the tents of the righteous" (Psalm 118"15). Or in my case, they often resound in my car while I'm driving. Often I'll shout and sing as though the walls of oppression fall down depending on the decibel level of my song of praise going up.
But I wasn't singing or shouting on Thursday. As the plane took off for Kentucky, on Thursday afternoon, what I was telling God quietly was this: I believe you, Lord. I believe in You. I trust you. I was not asking God to do anything for me because I knew that there was something I needed to do first. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in thee". This is what I wanted to do for God- believe Him. Trust Him.
We arrived in the little college town and got dropped off at the bed and breakfast I was staying at. (Alex was going to stay in the dorm). It was cold, dark, and quiet. But when Alex and I walked to the campus and entered the upstairs meeting room where all the prospective students and admission reps were gathered, we walked into a warm, welcoming environment. The DVD they showed about the college made me feel like my son would come alive at this school. I started to see that this weekend was going to reveal some interesting things, answer some questions we had about where we each belonged, and what we did with our gifts and our abilities.
The next morning, I went down to the little dining room at the B&B for breakfast. The sun was streaming in. I sat down at a long table and within minutes was enveloped in conversation about children, college choices, the spiritual environment of the school. People shared their church backgrounds and what ministries they were involved in. These were my brothers and sisters in Christ. I had only just met them, and immediately we were fellowshipping. We were each sharing our story of where we were at, what we were hoping for, what were involved with.
Later that morning, on campus, Alex and I went to chapel. The sun streamed in through the stained glass windows, flooding the old chapel with warmth and light. On the pulpit, a contemporary worship team was belting out their song with passion, singing out their heart to God. Then the guest speaker got up to share a message. And as he spoke, God spoke to my heart as well......
(To be continued)