It's been quite a day. I can't think of a better day to help me heal from the mess that yesterday was. The baking went okay, but everything else was chaotic- interpersonal relationships, communication catastrophes, mishaps and frustration, a teenager at odds with his mother, a daughter just trying to bake madeleines with her mom without getting her mom snatched away into a bru-ha with her son. A quiet husband- who could have spoken up and intervened to make peace, but chose the way he thought I should have taken- silent retreat. I do not retreat well- and I've got to learn how. Every battle raid is also a potential time for retreat- you've just got to know what's the right thing to do. Thank God for the evening and for fatigue- I slipped into sleep just knowing I was living a very real life with real problems. And then I slipped into la-la land and slumbered blissfully.
But today- what a glorious day. We all woke up and and by the time we got in the car for church, we were grinning at each other, happy to be at peace with each other again, thankful for grace for the day and forgiveness for the past. We get to church, and my husband and I were asked to pray for people as they came forward for prayer. (It was a special service at church). Praying for broken people with messy lives- oh, we know and understand what that's like. As I heard TD Jakes preach on TV the other night- you've got a beautiful, clean perfect life?- that's wonderful, I honor you, I applaud you- but you can't help me! Let me talk to someone who's been there, who knows what its like to live hurt and broken and get healed. Nobody wants to talk to a sinless saint- and besides, there aren't any!
Then we came home from church and took our daughter to the orchard (while suddenly studious, re-inspired son got to work on college applications)and ate hot cider doughnuts dripping with grease. (A bit of grease is good for you- it oils up your old joints). We came home, and I'm reading in bed when Bill yells up to me from downstairs, "Honey, your bull riding is on TV!!"
Now I am a fanatic about bull riding. My demeanor looks conservative but I am a wild bull rider inside.I love elegant tea parties, but I also get all excited about sweating ,brave men climbing on top of a 2000 lb. bull called Snortin' Harry or Kill Me Now (I made those up). All you have to do is stay on for 8 seconds- or possibly get stomped on, dragged around the arena, and get your guts kicked out of you. It is not for the faint of heart.
And deep inside, that's all I want to be- not faint of heart. Not a scaredy cat. Not someone who ducks out of the way instead of grabbing a charging bull by the horns.
Because in this life, you've got to be bold as a lion, tough as a bull, and tender hearted as a mother who can feel the pain in loving and letting go,
and go on anyhow.