Sunday, July 22, 2007

From a Low Point

Colliding realities. A mom with faith, some fear, and hope; a teenage son with dreams , some disasters, and a communication style unique to him. Sometimes I look at my son and think We're so much a like, how can we not understand each other?

I think it's because often I am speaking to him with all my hopes and dreams for his great future in the back of my mind, but not always on my lips. And often he wants to share frustrations and a point of view that threatens to bring me face to face with my fear that I do more harm than good in my parenting.

It is soooo much easier for me to sit down and have a good heart-to-heart talk with my best friend "Mu"- because I never worry whether she understands me (she does) or whether I've harmed her in our relationship ( I probably have at times- I can ramble on and over analyze- and she survives me somehow!).

I don't expect my son to understand how much I want to be there for him, do right by him- and how I know I will fail. But I'm learning the grace of giving myself grace- because that how successful mothers make it. Successful Mothers Surrender. They give up a lot- and give it all up to God. And then try again. If there's one thing I know I can become good at- it's surrendering. God is giving me plenty of chances to do so. And every time I surrender, I still find out, with relief ....
HE is there.

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