Through it All

One child has a sinus and ear infection, the other child (young man) has pneumonia. He's very sick. The dog, even, has an infected mysterious spot on his back, and we are concerned about that. Thankfully we have the best of doctors, and amazingly the children's doctors' office is less than a mile from our house.

This morning as we got ready to go the doctors (they were open this weekend), we had a short little "service" in our living room. Very short- as our son was half asleep on the couch, and looking very ill. Our daughter wanted to share some Scripture verses with us that SHE felt strongly about. We smiled as she led our service. Lead on! We prayed and thanked God for His grace.We felt thankful that we have these minor illnesses to deal with. We know that there are many who are dealing with heavy, severe trials of disease and chronic illness. We have to deal with something that is treatable (even if we do have to watch carefully over our son's health due to his history of Asthma and pneumonia).

Lately, all I see is God's hand of Grace...in the midst of our small trials and obstacles. It's not that I don't think God wants to show up in some big Victories for us. He does. But for now, we are dealing with a number of concerns, obstacles, challenges, predicaments. And I see how God wants to be the stabilizing force in our life, the Hand that under girds us, the Way Maker, the Light, the Fire that continually reignites within us when we get weary or start to do too much sighing.

When I sigh a lot, I know something is wrong. It's not that I can't get weary or tired or that I am not allowed to ever feel overwhelmed. But sighing is- for me- a sign of impending despair. And that is one thing I can not ever afford to have in my life.

Despair is not supposed to be my portion in this life. Here's why:
Despair means you are without hope, and that you sense there is no way out.

a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly; ...

the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well

abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart; ...
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

I am not ever giving up hope. I have more hope than ever. I have more confidence than ever in the hand of God, the loving heart of God, the will of God, and the plan of God for my life. I see more than ever that I don't have the answers, that I don't have resources for the challenges of my own making. I perceive that God's resources are not only stored up for me, but that He waits for my recognition of this fact and longs for me to tap into what HE has in mind for the battle at hand, the problem ahead, the challenge that looks too daunting for me to handle.

"Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the LORD" Ps. 31:24. Let your heart take hold of what He has- and don't let yourself get near that dreaded word- despair.

There's no reason not to experience more of what He has laid up for you: hope, increased perception of His grace and His strength, and a path to take THROUGH the raging seas.

Wait!

Our son got back last night from a five-day senior trip he took with his class to Virginia. It was like a trial run, for us, finding out what it feels like with him gone. When he's away at college next year, thirteen hours away by car ride, this is what it will feel like in our house: it will feel unnaturally quiet, calm, and a tad boring I think. Our son certainly livens up our home. (He's a creative techno-genius who plays his music loud and is usually engrossed in some media project where I have to make him come up for air!)

Our daughter missed him terribly, and even the dog had gastro-intestinal problems all week, nervous and confused with Alex gone. Harry laid on his bed, daily, and looked out the window for "his boy" to come home. When our son returned last night, we fed him some homemade banana bread I had made that afternoon, and listened to his account of his time away. It was so good to have him back.

Waiting for him to return got me thinking about the subject of waiting, in general. I've never liked waiting and I have to confess that I've never seen much redemptive value in it. I know its necessary to wait for good things, but I've always felt that waiting was like taking medicine: you do it because you have to, not because it's a pleasant experience.

But this morning I was drawn to this verse from Isaiah 30, and I noticed something I hadn't "seen" before. We are not the only ones who do a lot of waiting. God waits too- and He waits purposefully. He waits- not because He has to, not because He is forced to, but because He longs to be gracious to us. So He therefore waits for opportunities to display His goodness. He waits for us to be ready for Him so that He can make "Good happen"in our lives.

"And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!" Isaiah 30:18 Amplified

When I first looked up this verse to check the Hebrew word for "wait", I thought the "waiting" that God did might be different than the waiting we have to do, but it's not so. God waits or tarries (in Hebrew chakah ) to be good to us, and we are blessed when we wait (chakah) for Him.

If He can do it, so can I- the waiting, that is. If God can bear to wait for us, if He can wait and long for us to perceive His presence and His heart toward us, then I can surely wait for Him with great expectation and anticipation. I can wait for God to manifest His power in my life- and the waiting doesn't have to be a negative experience. I can wait with anticipation, wondering What will God do next?! How will He do it? What amazing thing does He want to do in my life?

Remember that line from that song- "Anticipation is making me wait"? Well, it's not anticipation that keeps me waiting. It's the God Who does great things who makes me want to wait for Him, for whatever He does next. And as I wait, I'm quite busy preparing myself- body, mind, and spirit- to grab ahold of what He's going to do. Because let me tell you, it's going to be amazing.

Rise and Shine!

I haven't been posting as frequently because all my energies have been directed into some serious exploits. Under one category they are all grouped together: the opportunity to rise. Some people would just say I'm dealing with a lot of obstacles, issues, battles, and draining situations. I thought that was what I was dealing with too...at first.

But recently I am "seeing" something I didn't see at first. "Do you not perceive it?" the Lord asks in Isaiah 43 and He asks that of me, today, as well. My answer is, "Yes, now that you ask me that, Lord, I am starting to see things I didn't see before. I'm starting to see the new thing you are doing."

When I opened my journal this morning to write, one of the first verses that came to my mind was that inspiring one from Judges 5:31, "So may all your enemies perish, O LORD! But may they who love you be like the sun when it rises in its strength...".

Difficult situations are really an opportunity in disguise to rise up in God's strength, God's perspective, and see a victory come about. There's just no other way to view these seemingly negative situations or obstacles -for the Christian- than to see them as opportunities to demonstrate the life of God IN YOU, His power to overcome. After all, to those who have no strength, He gives power. Strong young men may fall but THOSE who hope in the Lord, those who put their confidence in God, will renew their strength and...what? They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will RISE. (Isaiah 40:31)

All these thoughts were going through my mind early this morning. I studied Scripture and pondered my complex situation. Then I opened up my little leather-bound My Utmost for His Highest, and turned to today's reading and what do I read?!!-

"RISE to the occasion- do what the trial demands of you....May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality- a readiness to face anything He brings our way."

I'm shouting this out to you, friend. My complaints and cries are turning to shouts of victory because "Sounds of rejoicing resound in the tents of the righteous" (Ps. 118:15). (I've mentioned this loved verse before in my post Battle Song).

I'm calling out how things will be- not because they feel like they're going well, but because I am rising to the occasion. I am rising up in His strength. Realistically, I survey that challenges are in my life. But what's also in my life is the opportunity to rise.

So I'm going onward...and I'm going to higher ground.

Where I've Never Gone Before

So many people are moving. Some people I know have enjoyed the miraculous sale of their house after many months of waiting and waiting. Some have to move quickly due to a job transfer. As the school year winds up, many are thinking about what life will be like in the new town they are going to.

Now, not everyone is physically moving. Some of us are just moving onward. I hate to say "just" moving onward because it is no small thing to let go of the past, to fix your eyes on what is unseen, to take a deep breath, and by faith prepare for change, for new experiences, for increased understanding in how to look at things. Moving onward involves a resolute transfer of your affections. You may love certain memories or have enjoyed a wonderful experience, but now you're sensing that you have to move onward and go on to something new.

I know that our family will have some changes just due to the fact that our son will be living down south next year. Visiting him- or getting him home for a visit- will be no small thing. We now will have planes and/or long distance auto trips that take a whole day or more just to reconnect with each other in person. Then on top of that, we will be parents of just one child at home. I am looking at moving onward with my writing and speaking and ministry to women. My husband and I are praying about possibilities: the fact that our future is not in what we have done or in what we know, but it has to do with where we have never gone before. Maybe it's new terrain, a new landscape, or a new business or ministry- but whatever our future holds, it is not something that we will naturally feel comfortable with and used to. I do know that.

The One constant in our future is the One who holds our future. He solidifies what I feel about moving forward, moving onward: the Lord will pave the way, go before me, make the rough places smooth (Isaiah 45:2). It's His delight to do all this for me- and it's my delight to go where I have never gone before, certain that I have no need to be afraid. It's an adventure. It's a journey by faith. And I'm declaring how good it's going to be.

Spring Forward

This is a typical Spring morning in upstate New York: you open the front door and try to get a feel for the weather so you know whether to dress in sweaters and socks or to throw on a t-shirt and sandals. It's a fashion adventure, every day. And if you don't care about fashion, then it's an adventure of another sort. For those who have allergies and asthma, it's a question of what the day will do to you: will you be sneezing, coughing, gasping for air or running around playing Frisbee and happily taking in the sunshine?

I've got doctor's appointments to schedule, an orthodontist appointment for one child, prescriptions to fill for the other child, a quick jaunt to the school to drop off my kids, and then back to the school to pick one up later. This is all about attending to the necessities of life. I'm not doing any major dreaming here- or goal setting or prayerful planning with a pad of paper. This day is about the basics of health, education, breathing, and reuniting at the house tonight over a supper I have yet to decide on. I already know that today I am just going to be glad I can take care of what I can take care of.

I am not going to do anything heroic today (not that I know of); and I'm not going to be doing anything that seems grand or of a breakthrough nature. But I am going to live today- live it up to the max. And for me that means I am going to be glad I am a mom, be glad I have the ability to handle lots of appointments and issues and needs. I'm going to be thankful for the ability to cope with many small things as well as the ability to cope with the large big things in life when they arise.

HE makes me ABLE to meet what the day brings.

What's Ahead?

It's Friday, gray and almost rainy. It's the conclusion of many things and the beginning of some wonderful new things. That's life in general; and that's how my personal life seems to be right now. We're winding up some things, nearing the completion of my son's senior year of high school, anticipating the beginning of some new things, and feeling surprisingly at peace in the midst of all this change.

If there's anything that I've gotten used to- it's the fact that things are always changing. The good and bad of that? New, good things can spring up like a gorgeous flower that suddenly appears. The bad thing about change: you're in a constant state of trying to internally prepare and it's hard to prepare for what you do not know, do not yet see.

I think about that favorite verse of many- in Jeremiah- that underscores what I'm dealing with currently:

Jer. 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In the Message version, we see this aspect of God's heart for His people, His concern that they KNOW what He is up to :

10-11This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

I just love how the Message version singles out the underlying truth that God is expressing here: He knows what He is doing! He has "it all planned out". He's got a way for us to take. And His intention is that we KNOW He is leading us, guiding us- into the unknown, yes, but into His grace and His care and His plan as well.

For those who are in the midst of change, those who are about to graduate and go on to something new, those who are about to move or about to change roles, whatever the change is- we've got a God who knows what He is doing. Prosperity- in this case- is the full realization of God's abounding grace and provision in such a way that we can look forward, look up, and greet the future with a sense of adventure and awe. Because what God has in mind is, ultimately, good.

That's How It Will Be

Several people have asked about my son being so far away from home next year when he goes off to college, inquiring about how I feel about this. I can tell you how I feel about it now: I feel grateful to God that my son has found a place that inspires him, that it has the programs in Media that he loves, that it has a campus setting where true hospitality and warmth and friendly relationships are evident . As to how I'll feel in the middle of next year, I'm not quite sure. It's uncertain what the ramifications of the great physical distance between us will be.

This morning I opened up to today's devotional reading in Oswald Chamber's book, My Utmost for His Highest, and this is what I read from April 29th's entry: "Our natural inclination is to be so precise- trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next- that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing." Oh yes, Mr. Chambers, I know what you're talking about here.

That's really the underlying issue when we talk about Surrender: what will happen when I surrender to God? If I give my life to Christ, will I be sent to some hut in the uttermost end of the earth? If I surrender the situation I'm in- to God- will He work the situation out or will He give me different feelings about it or the ability to cope with it? (and maybe you don't want the ability to cope with it- you want it solved!!).

I always come back to a little verse in Proverbs that I love: "The desire of the righteous is only good, But the expectation of the wicked is wrath" (Prov 11:23 NASB). Another way of zeroing in on the parallel between what a God-loving person wants and feels and what a person who rejects God has in sight is that one word "expectation". My expectation is that God is good and He does only good, not evil. While His ways don't always appear good or easy, I am repeatedly told in Scripture that not only are His ways higher than mine, but His essence and His work is- and has always been- good. First thing in the garden of Eden we read that God does a work of creating things and they're GOOD. From the first command of "let there be light" we see that God immediately declares and summarizes his work and the result of His work as good. "God looked at the light and saw that it was good."(Gen 1:4).

Now of course there are many times that at the start of an ugly situation we might mistakenly call it good- and we shouldn't. Or we might wrongly conclude that God wants something out of us in a situation and that isn't what He is doing. But in spite of uncertainty as to the complexity of God's ways and His thoughts, I know they are GOOD. And ultimately I will see and experience this good. Ultimately, or perhaps in Heaven, I will "see" the good when I didn't see it before. But my gut belief has to be settled on this topic because it continually comes up over and over again. While I may be uncertain as to what God is doing, what He is trying to extract out of me (like getting wine out of grapes), I know that what He IS and what He DOES is only good.


So when we talk about Surrender, we have to address our underlying question about what happens when we surrender to God: our underlying question is "Will it be good?". We want to know what God will do- but we won't know His plan in total. We won't know the myriad of ways He is trying to reach us, get through to us, grow us, mature us. There is uncertainty about what He will do, yes. But there's no uncertainty about HOW IT WILL BE: IT WILL BE GOOD.

God does no evil or harm to your soul. Settle that once and for all and you will be a person who looks at the future, who looks at the unknown, and takes God's hand and declares: I serve a good God. May it be unto me according to Your will.

And then you smile and look forward.

Delighted to Know You

I don't just relish the sun and the warmth of a glorious, bright day. I also love dark, gray, rainy days- such as the one today. These are days for pondering and contemplating, for cups of hot tea and a homemade scone if you care to quickly throw the ingredients together (they're surprisingly simple to make).

This Thursday is the last Women's LIFE Workshop for the year. We're concluding our year with the topic of Surrender: "Successful Women Wave a White Flag". I prayerfully picked out these monthly topics almost a year ago, and its so amazing to see how each month I have been seeing the application of each topic for my own life.

The Free Dictionary defines Surrender this way:
sur·ren·der (s-rndr)

1. To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.

2. To give up in favor of another.

3. To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.

4. To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.

5. To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.

6. Law To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) before expiration of the term.

Number 4 is one aspect of the word that we think of first: to give up or abandon. It's interesting how the example given for #4 is a rather negative one-to "surrender all hope". We first think of surrender when we think of the losing battle, the one who is about to collapse on the battle field and decides to wave the flag and admit defeat.

From the biblical perspective, it's almost the opposite, I think. When we surrender, we are giving ourselves to the One who ensures our victory, who redeems our life, who enhances our perspective with clarity and insight. We surrender because we TRUST Him- and He is the only One worthy of our complete and total trust.

There's so much more we can say about surrender, but we'll get to that Thursday night. For now, I'm thinking about this quote from My Utmost , April 20th's entry: "And once you do get to the point of total surrender to Him, you will be the most surprised and delighted person on earth."

Now, I love surprises- good surprises, I should say. And the idea that I can and should be so delighted with God, so surrendered to Him that my heart's desires are- of course- only the godly desires I should want, makes me want to get to this state of mind and heart. As Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart."

That command (that admonishment ) from Psalm 37:4 begins with a wonderful word- delight. And the complex subject of Surrender ends with this description of your state of being when you've surrendered all: that you are the most surprised and delighted of all people. Why? You're surprised because as agonizing as the process of surrender SEEMED to be, it was surprisingly simple- though hard- in laying it all down before Him. And you're delighted because everything about God is fresh and clear in your mind now that you are completely His, now that you're satisfied to be known as His child, redeemed, valued, encouraged, and bright with hope for all He is, and will do, in your life.

The minute we are endeavoring to release, let go, surrender- to God, something surprisingly delightful is about to happen!

Under the Sunlight

Yesterday Mu and I met for breakfast. We tried to not overstay our welcome at the restaurant, and after an hour or so, we took our conversation out into the parking lot. We stood there, talking, letting the sun warm us from the tips of our heads to our toes.

"Now I know why the Druids- was it the Druids?- worshipped the sun. I mean, isn't this sunlight incredible after a long winter?" she said.

I teased her about going pagan on me but I could laugh about this because my friend Mu is very sincere about digging into God's truth, asking good questions, searching for wisdom.

We were feeling light-hearted and happy yesterday. She celebrated the resolution our family had come to: our son, Alex, was going off to the college of his choice, far away, down south- and right where he should be. It all came together. God closed some doors and opened wide this door- and though this college is 13 hours away by car, it is dear to my heart already. When Alex and I visited in January we felt "at home" there, and the Media Communications program there is tops. My son is going to "go for it" and I'm whooping it up and celebrating this open road before him. I'll cry, later, when I miss him. But now it's time to anticipate how good it will be.

In the afternoon, I visited "Mother Joy"- a woman on our Women's LIFE Ministry Team. This lady is an older woman of faith, a bold explorer, a joy and a delight. She is recuperating after a fall. But this woman- though she is ...shall we say "advanced in years"?- is young at heart. I came to visit her and encourage her in her recovery, but she bolstered my spirits, my resolve to be a trooper for the Lord. I won't even list all the things she's been through, and yet she sits there, smiling, proclaiming how good God has been to her. Her joy is evidence that she has experienced the "goodness of God in the land of the living"- because this woman is alive in her faith, her expectation of good. And because she believes that she will receive good from God, she is quick to perceive it.

One of my favorite verses having to do with joy and fruitful living is Psalm 128:2 -
"You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you."

Obviously there are seasons in our life that we feel more well than at other times. There are times when we are reaping after years of sowing- such as parents who after 18 years are seeing their child go off to college, full of hope and expectation.

Then there are seasons in our life that we just want to get through. Sometimes I am about to rejoice over a victory and I remember a problem that I have. That's when I admonish myself, "Lauren- you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you." My part in the picture is to fully relish being a child of God who has no doubt that God can work it all out...in His timing...in His perfect plan.

My active faith sometimes requires me to spend time out in the sunshine, relishing the warmth and the joy I feel in that moment, knowing that it's part of God's plan for me to know how good I have it. I have a good God who loves me, is watching over me. I can trust Him. My responsibility is to perceive how His light makes the path before me become clear. I'm not supposed to live in darkness. And every chance I get to experience the sunlight, to lift my face to its warmth in gratitude, I'm supposed to remember the God who thought up the whole idea of light, of a shining sun that warms the earth. I'm supposed to remember that I haven't even begun to understand the warmth and the generosity of His loving heart toward me.

The Path Before You

Sometimes, in one single day, you can figure out a lifetime of problems. Oh, I don't mean that you suddenly have the answers to every problem you've ever had. I just mean that in one day, in one moment, you can have a revelation of something that gives you a new perspective of your past- of why you did certain things, of why you failed and why you succeeded in certain things. And this new perspective is one so enlightening that you now look forward to your future. It's not that you will never have another problem again. But now you realize that you will approach things differently.

This revelation I recently had came to me out of taking a deeper look at some of the parables Jesus taught on regarding open doors, closed doors. Maybe He didn't use that term exactly but that's what He was discussing. When He sent out the disciples, He was telling them what to do when they weren't accepted in a town (closed doors). When He taught on prayer, and the unspoken question was "What about prayers that don't get answered?" (closed doors), He answered by telling them to "Ask, and it shall be given unto you"- using the verb form of Ask meaning "KEEP ON Asking". When He spoke about the widow going to the unjust judge in search of justice, He spoke about why open doors sometimes occur- because you kept on, because you persisted, until your request was rightfully heard. I saw how many times Jesus was helping us to "get it right" and not falsely conclude or prematurely conclude that the doors were closed to us, permanently.

As our family has been dealing with important questions such as "What college is the right place for our son?" and "What work can we do that would be even more fruitful?", we have wanted to make sure that we heard the answers to these questions. We know God is not hesitant to guide us. Yet we all struggle with times that we feel we did not "get it right"- that we botched it up somehow because we misunderstood, or we over-spiritualized a situation. We felt we stumbled about- and yet we never intended to. We intended to pray, to ask God, to listen to Him, and therefore to be on our way, certain of our course.

Since I have been reading the Bible in this Contemporary English Version, I have been enjoying seeing certain favorite Scriptures come alive with new meaning. One of my favorite Proverbs in Proverbs 4:18,19. But here's how it looks in the CEV version:

"The lifestyle of good people is like sunlight at dawn
that keeps getting brighter until broad daylight.
The lifestyle of the wicked is like total darkness,
and they never know what makes them stumble."

I suddenly saw how much of a curse it is to keep stumbling about, keep making the same mistakes- and NOT know why! There's nothing worse than the situation of a person who is never progressing. Whether its constant self-sabotage, constant foolishness, or constant confusion, to not know why you are always failing and falling is a horrible curse!

The "lifestyle" (other versions use the word "path") of a godly person should be one where things are getting clearer and clearer. The internal lightbulb should be going on daily! You should be having so many "Ah-ha!" moments of discovery and revelation, that people will call you Einstein!

So if you're struggling with confusion, if you're constantly dealing with mistakes and failures or a constant internal sense that you don't know what you're doing- you first of all have to know that this is NOT supposed to be your lifestyle. Not if you're a believer in the the One who came to redeem your life from the pit! Not if you're "free" because "He who the Son sets free is free indeed".

Walking in this path of enlightenment, of ongoing revelation like that of sunlight making the shadows disappear, is your destiny. This is the heritage of the saints of God! To "never know what makes (you) stumble" is not your lot in life. No way, Jose'.

You and I are walking on a pathway where things are getting clearer and clearer. That's why, as Ps. 119:32 says " I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

And when we're free to progress, free to succeed in shaking off the restraints and the baggage and the old patterns, we are free to not only run onward, but to enjoy the Son shining down on us as we do so.

A Tidbit of a Thought for Today

Just a real quick post today and then I'll try to catch up with you all after that. For now, in a nutshell, here's what I'm meditating on: what open doors and closed doors have to do with the principle of Surrender.

"With all your heart you must trust the Lord and not your own judgment.
Always let Him lead you,
and He will clear the road for you to follow."
Proverbs 3: 5,6 (CEV)

Spring Break

This week is Spring Break and we have had more than Spring-like weather here in New York. Today it felt like the middle of summer. The sun warmed my skin and eased my muscles so that I walked along, with my daughter, as though I was a kid again, carefree, smiling, and free. We spent the afternoon in a picturesque nearby town, ate gelatto, walked miles (it seemed) and came home with a riproaring appetite for tonight's supper of fajitas. My husband and son were thrilled when we laid out all the fixings on the table, and Harry waited hopefully by my feet in case anything was dropped. But nothing came his way. We ate it all.

Monday I am taking my son to visit one more college and then he is making his final decision. Spring is here, summer is on its way, then college starts in late August, and life is changing for us with this momentous event. I will be the mother of a college student- one who will most likely be hours away from home, in a whole new region of this country.

But for today, I still have both my chicks in the nest, my dog sprawled at my feet, my husband near by, and my heart full of gratitude. I feel very rich today. It's as if my eyes were opened wide- and I really saw all the blessings in living color.

A Blessed Closed Door

If you had a chance between getting a "Yes" as an answer to your prayer request, or getting a "No", which would you choose? I used to think, Why of course I'd want the Yes. Now I'm not so sure that would be my answer.

Lately, I'm learning to love all the No's God has been sending my way. I'm appreciating the obvious closed doors that occur because I see how the doors that do open are so "of God" and not of my own doing. Now when a door closes in front of me, I'm not banging on it as long as I used to, not railing against it as though it were an insult to my character or my productivity. A closed door- a "No" - is simply God's way of saying "YES" to something else.

I went to a class last night. (I told the instructor, when I arrived, that I might have to leave early if I started coughing. This cold/allergy attack has had me spiraling into these coughing spells where I can barely catch my breath). I had signed up for this adult education class over a month ago. I'm not even going to tell you what the instructor was teaching on- because that isn't important. What's important is that I sat there with my mouth practically hanging open in wonder, perceiving all these realities she was discussing, and "seeing" some things clearly for the very first time.

Yesterday seemed to be a day when my eyes were opened to a lot of things. One person, in the afternoon, relayed a story to me about a friend who had finally gotten a job opportunity...in a different geographical location than where they had been looking. This friend of theirs had been getting a lot of No's for a long time and then they suddenly had some opened doors-but in a whole different place, setting, than they had thought to look.

I think God's loving No to us is meant to provoke us to search for His loving Yes elsewhere. But so often we think God says No to us with a stern look on His face and that He says Yes to us with a smile on His face. I see it so differently now. It just may be that God says No with more love for you than you could ever imagine. It isn't a No for the purpose of discouraging you, depressing you, disheartening you. It's a No so that you can get to His Yes. It's a No because it may not be good enough- what you're asking of Him. Or it may be that you have no idea of what God has in mind for you and He has to completely redirect your thoughts and your path.

I am welcoming these closed doors now. I see these "No's" as though they were the open door I'm longing for. After all, these closed doors are what God is using to get me into His place of abundance, His Yes for my heart's deepest desire. These are doors that He has closed out of love for me, out of planning for my good future. His "No" is still always a "Yes, I love you- and you haven't seen anything yet!!"

I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.
Jer. 29:11

Notes to Self on Surrender

It's a lot easier to surrender when you're feeling weak. It's not a bad thing, really, to get in touch with how frail you really are- in comparison to God's magestic power. I've been sick with a bad chest cold these past couple days and its getting worse. I went from walking around, coughing and sounding like a sultry smoker, to lying in bed, coughing and sounding very old, very sick.

I spent most of yesterday in bed. Bill brought me chicken soup on a tray after I woke up from a nap. Because I sound so sick- and look unwell- everyone is letting me be. They're not expecting me to rush around like I normally do, commandeering the ship here, scheduling and ordering the day. No, I've been like that bruised reed barely standing in a strong wind- and its obvious that I am not going to be super mom right now.

On top of being sick, my lap top followed me into the same kind of languishing and powering down. The last couple weeks I kept having to jiggle the cord and keep the connection firm. But it was continually shutting off on me, flashing all these warnings about the battery being low. I was trying to get it recharged but the connection is faulty. The lap top has- I say this with no drama- died. Its kaput. And all my writing is locked inside it. All my passwords are secured in its dark vault. I'm using a computer that my son and my husband hastily put together out of all the computer parts my son has. But I'm a stranger to this system. I feel out of sorts and not sure of what I am doing, other than trying to remedy this situation by doing, basically, what I can. And that's all God expects of me.

So often we think God is asking us to do these herculean tasks using great physical exertion- but really He is asking us to remember we are weak, He is strong, and all can still be well. I'm surrendering to His capable plan that allows us to see that the show can still go on without you, and that its better if it does. Who needs all that pressure of feeling that everything rises and falls with your input and your help?

I'll be feeling better soon, I'm sure. But I actually feel pretty good right now, deep inside. I feel "safe and secure from all alarm" because I'm leaning on Him, relying on His strength to be sufficient for me. It is, most assuredly, the greatest relief to find out how much God wants to show up in all His power when we are weak and stumbling. When our efficient systems go gaput or when a strong wind comes in and all your fight goes seeping out, you can still be rock solid in His strength.

It Begins with S and it Ends with Letting Go

I've been teaching monthly Women's LIFE Workshops all year. We have only one workshop left this year, in May. The last workshop I'm teaching is called "Successful Women Wave a White flag". So these next couple of weeks, until we get to May 1st, this theme will be on my mind. But few people like to go around with the concept of surrender in the back of their mind. Here's why.

Nobody ever plans on waving a white flag in surrender...if they're winning. That's why we usually equate the word "Surrender" with something negative, with a losing scene, or a losing battle. We think to surrender is to lose.Surrender is not a popular word. But then, again, neither is despair, frustration, confusion and pain- and that's what happens, often, when we are in a situation and God is telling us to yield to His leading, His way of loving, His plan for how to find peace- and we don't want to surrender.

But bask for a moment in that melodious peace that comes when you sing that beautiful hymn- "I Surrender All" and get a glimpse of what God had in mind concerning the word "Surrender". Just the first verse alone gives us a clue as to why and how we can learn to surrender-

All to Jesus, I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live...

Do you see that word "trust" in there? When we really come to know who our living Lord and Savior is, we learn that we can definitely trust Him. We learn that to trust Him is to freely admit His plan and His design for living is the way to go. When we trust Him- and therefore surrender our right to think we know best- we wind up experiencing His incredible, magnificent presence. And in His presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

I love the way the Message version words this passage from Psalm 16:11:

Now you've got my feet on the life path,
all radiant from the shining of your face.
Ever since you took my hand,
I'm on the right way.

Think of it this way: you raise your hand in surrender, clutching that white flag that symbolizes the end of the battle. God sees your lifted hand and reaches out. He takes the white flag of surrender out of your hand, and in replacement,He puts His own Hand in yours. You surrendered to His love- and He holds your hand firmly, and with the intention of directing you, leading you ... onward.

It's ironic how our intention in surrendering is to let go of control, of what we know "in part", and God's intention is to hold us securely, lead us victoriously, keep us safe eternally. I'd say that's an exchange made in Heaven.

What Happens When Women are Expecting

I'm not talking about swollen ankles and gestational diabetes and craving for chocolate. I'm talking about what happens when women are expecting God to move mightily in their midst. I'm talking about the retreat I was at this past weekend. I'm talking about how it's possible to pour yourself out to others- and yet leave filled to overflowing.

The ladies of Grace Chapel invited me to come and be their Speaker this past weekend at their annual retreat up in the quiet place of Speculator, NY. But really I was invited into the presence of God, the joy and feasting that God spreads out for His children who need Him...and know that they need Him.

Some of the things that occurred over the weekend were expected. I prepared four teachings and the women prepared their hearts prayerfully. The two Worship Leaders, Robyn and Diane, prepared- bringing their keyboard and guitar and their rich voices ready to sing out God's praises. (Listen to their inspiring song, God is here at their website.) The kitchen help prepared great meals. The prayer team prepared to intercede continually for the whole weekend.

But who could have prepared for all the joyous unexpected things such as the warm welcome they gave me and my "Whirling Dish Towel Worship Dance"? (All I can tell you ,blog readers, is that you had to be there- and that I'm not that shy about sharing what I do when I get desperate to connect with God!!) (See the first comment here for a more detailed account-against my better judgment!)

Who could have prepared for the close knit fellowship of so many women from all ages, different churches, and carrying different burdens when they came in?But nobody went home carrying those burdens.We cast them off- with laughter, with tears, with open sharing, with open hands that told God we were in need of a real big filling of our cup.

And boy did He fill us up.

Wow

I just got back from teaching at a women's retreat this weekend and all I can say is....WOW. God always does "abundantly above what we can ask or imagine", doesn't He? He refills the empty cup. He splashes color on pale, dry ground. He energizes those who need to continue onward and upward, and who think that maybe they can't go another step. They find out, though, that they can.

You can always take a step further with God. Even if the miles stretch before you, you only have to think about a step at a time. You only have to rest your mind on the goodness of God displayed all around you; shown in the "land of the living".

I'll share more later. But for now, I have to unpack, hug my family, refill an empty fridge, and walk around with a big smile on my face because of all the wonderful things that God is up to. That He joyfully let me catch a glimpse of some of these things makes me just smile even more.

I'm physically exhausted, but I've never been more ready to go onward with Him.

Inquiring Hearts Want to Know...His Love

Remember that old 1980's TV ad, "Inquiring Minds want to know"? Well, they still do. This mind- mine- especially. I almost can see the Lord shaking His head and saying with wonder, "This child can't get enough of My answers." The problem is, the Lord isn't saying this with a smile, really. It's more of a pained look on His face because I'm after what He holds in His hands, rather than what He holds in His heart for me.

Yesterday was stressful. I won't go into everything, but the day ended with me deciding to take a prayer walk. I brought my daughter with me, and we walked vigorously up and down the street in front of the town library, talking, praying, walking. We had not quite finished when all of a sudden the skies opened and down came the rain. We raced to the car parked in the library parking lot where we had earlier returned a DVD. I drove out of the library on the curbed, winding road and managed to hit the curb,popping my tire. I parked the car in the library parking lot again, called my husband, and watched as the rain gushed down even more.

Bill arrived, jacked up the car, put on the spare tire- all in the pouring rain. Then, within minutes, he was done, and we both drove home. He's a good man. It was a long day. And that flat tire was the easiest part of my day. It was fixable. (At least for my husband, it was). There are other big issues in my life that cannot be remedied that quickly.

That flat tire let me know that some things can be taken care of rather quickly. Some problems end within minutes of occurring. And some problems are with us a long time. But longer than that is His grace for us, His love and compassion. It's higher than the heavens, deeper than the ocean. And God is inviting me to explore this vast realm of His love. He says its far better for me to explore the wonders of His love for me than for my inquiring mind to seek out answers.

Open Doors, Closed Doors

This was not an easy week. It was not a week of ease and refreshment. But it was a turning point for us. For some reason I kept singing a line from that old hymn, '...Let all bondage go and let deliverance flow...". I sang that over and over, trying to absorb what the song was advising. "Let" it flow, or "let" it go means I had to be involved with the process. Some of us have a lot to let go of.

My husband,Bill, and I are praying about our specific career paths and financial issues and also for our son, Alex, in his college search. We are praying that we hear God clearly because we want to perceive the "new thing" God is doing. A lot changes when your first child goes off to college at the same time that you feel you too need to venture out into greater exploration, service, and commitment to your dreams.

Bill and Alex went to visit a college this week. There's three schools my son is interested in, and depending on scholarships, grants, and the strength of their academic programs, my son hopes to wind up where the most doors open for him. This week we got news of a closed financial door at one place, and decided to head towards an open door Alex had. So Bill and Alex headed down to Pennsylvania on Thursday. They got to stop by and visit my oldest brother and his family. They enjoyed 48 hours of traveling, visiting, surveying the land down there, and coming home - all the while concluding that maybe that college really wasn't the right place for Alex. It had some good factors in the equation but it did not all add up to a sense of "YES, this is it."

Just because you know where you don't want to be, or where you should not go, doesn't mean you know where your Answer is. But that's okay. Closed doors are all part of the path to progress. Lately I've been thanking God for the closed doors that previously I had been frustrated with. Now I'm adding up all these closed doors and instead of feeling like God has had a grudge against me, I am thinking that God has gone to a lot of trouble to keep me out of certain things, certain places, for a reason. What that reason is, I don't know. But that doesn't perturb me as much now.

When Jesus was at the wedding of Cana and His mother requested that He get involved in solving the problem of the wedding wine being all gone, Jesus told her it wasn't yet His ideal time for ministry. But still she knew He was willing to get involved, because she proceeded to tell the servants nearby, "Whatever He says to you, do it." (John 2:5) She knew He would do something.

Maybe He would make it so that the joy and festivity could continue without them having wine. Or maybe He'd get up and preach an eloquent sermon of love and hope that would make the wedding party weep as their hearts were touched with the power of His love. I really don't think she knew exactly how or what Jesus would do because it all depended on what HE thought was the real problem and what the best solution would be. In this story, we find out He did do a simple miraculous act of turning water into wine....really good wine. But whether that happened or another miracle happened, what mattered was that Jesus intervened in the situation.

So that's what I'm asking of Him in this season of life I'm in. "Whatever you want to do Jesus, do it. I'm standing by ready to cooperate with what you will do." That's what I'm telling Him. So who knows what miracle I get to be involved with next? The miracle may have already started with a closed door.

And I'm not going to tell Jesus it can't happen that way.

Still Counting

Still counting all the many blessings God has brought into my life. That, and I'm running around like a chicken without my head, trying to catch up on a lot of things and also get my husband and son off for a college visit to Pennsylvania.

More later!