Monday, April 14, 2008

Notes to Self on Surrender

It's a lot easier to surrender when you're feeling weak. It's not a bad thing, really, to get in touch with how frail you really are- in comparison to God's magestic power. I've been sick with a bad chest cold these past couple days and its getting worse. I went from walking around, coughing and sounding like a sultry smoker, to lying in bed, coughing and sounding very old, very sick.

I spent most of yesterday in bed. Bill brought me chicken soup on a tray after I woke up from a nap. Because I sound so sick- and look unwell- everyone is letting me be. They're not expecting me to rush around like I normally do, commandeering the ship here, scheduling and ordering the day. No, I've been like that bruised reed barely standing in a strong wind- and its obvious that I am not going to be super mom right now.

On top of being sick, my lap top followed me into the same kind of languishing and powering down. The last couple weeks I kept having to jiggle the cord and keep the connection firm. But it was continually shutting off on me, flashing all these warnings about the battery being low. I was trying to get it recharged but the connection is faulty. The lap top has- I say this with no drama- died. Its kaput. And all my writing is locked inside it. All my passwords are secured in its dark vault. I'm using a computer that my son and my husband hastily put together out of all the computer parts my son has. But I'm a stranger to this system. I feel out of sorts and not sure of what I am doing, other than trying to remedy this situation by doing, basically, what I can. And that's all God expects of me.

So often we think God is asking us to do these herculean tasks using great physical exertion- but really He is asking us to remember we are weak, He is strong, and all can still be well. I'm surrendering to His capable plan that allows us to see that the show can still go on without you, and that its better if it does. Who needs all that pressure of feeling that everything rises and falls with your input and your help?

I'll be feeling better soon, I'm sure. But I actually feel pretty good right now, deep inside. I feel "safe and secure from all alarm" because I'm leaning on Him, relying on His strength to be sufficient for me. It is, most assuredly, the greatest relief to find out how much God wants to show up in all His power when we are weak and stumbling. When our efficient systems go gaput or when a strong wind comes in and all your fight goes seeping out, you can still be rock solid in His strength.


Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

LIfting a prayer for you friend! This is good encouraging stuff.
Much love,

twinklemom said...

Praying that you are feeling better!

LAUREN at Faith Fuel said...

I am feeling the weight of so many things lifted from my shoulders - so I feel wonderful (even if I am coughing all over the place!).

Sherry said...

For those of us who express ourselves through our writing, it is devasting (and extremely frustrating) to lose our computer connections. How wonderful to know that our connection with our Jesus is always secure 24/7.

I am reminded, today, of how weak I am. Yet, I know the Lord can use this ordinary weak person only as I "call on Jesus". With Jesus all things are possible!

Your right, who needs all that pressure! Just grab a dish towel and let it whirl!

Actively waiting on Him (with a smile) even in the midst of my many weaknesses.

Kim S in SC said...

Hope you are feeling better soon!
How often we just keep passing off our limps as new dance steps. Our weaknesses only dragging us down with them, when all along, we just needed to come to the end of ourselves...that is sweet, sweet.... surrender. Thanks for the thinking you stir with your writing!
Feel better!

Angie said...

Praying for you sister. Thanks for preaching from the sick bed. You never stop ministering to me. God bless you with health, recovery, and strength, in Jesus' name.