And That's How HE Sees it

I've put it off long enough, and if I put it off any longer I will be a walking menace to society. Or a driving menace, rather. I need to get new lenses. Which requires an eye exam. Which requires me making the appointment and then realizing that I should pick out new frames while I'm at it. And frankly, the choices of eye glass frames are too many. So I'm tempted by my stay-in-the-safe-zone nature to just keep my old glassess and muddle on as I am- out dated and out of focus.

Except that I really do want to see clearly. I can't stand being in the dark about things. Lately I realize that the term "walking by faith" is not that accurate a description. Sometimes Faith is more of a frantic groping for something firm, stumbling in the dark, walking into No Where Land. When you "see" nothing before you, and you still remember your convictions of God's Love and His promised presence, that's when you are carrying the torch of Faith. It's blazing and it's bright- but it still doesn't light the path before you. You still may be in the dark about a lot of things.

I was reading through one of my favorite chapters, Hebrews 11, when I noticed how often the term "did not see" was mentioned or alluded to. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible...must believe that HE is (even though you can't see God)...By faith, Noah being warned of things not yet seen....Abraham...went out, not knowing where he was going (He didn't see "Homeland" in blazing lights before him.Probably all he saw was dust in the wind!).

There's more and more references to this factor of trusting God and hearing Him though you don't see Him. Though you don't see how He can get you to where you need to be. Though you don't see the solution or even see how there could possibly be one.

It seems God really gets psyched about our belief in His ability to be Everything we need- to the point that what we see-or don't see before us- becomes irrelevant. God loves people who not only walk by faith, but live by faith, stumble ahead by faith, keep the faith.

There's a fine line between being faith-filled and being filled with foolishness and stupidity. Frankly, the account of Noah building an ark, by faith, doesn't help us walk this fine line. I don't know that I would hang out with any Noahs today. I don't like crazy Christians, weird religious people, extreme fanatics. They scare me. They probably scare you too.

But I don't care for drippy drab middle-of-the line-believers either. There's nothing powerful or inspiring about someone who never takes risks, never believes big, and never gets near to looking ridicuolous- because they were moved by faith. And it seems God isn't too big on these kind of people either.

He's ready to reward those who believe in His amazing power and love. He's looking for those radicals who will draw nearer to Him at the risk of becoming a little too risky in their behavior. He's not looking to make anyone become a weirdo or a nutcase. It's just that in this strange world we live in, people moved by faith look even stranger.

But remember, what you see is not everything. We have yet to see and experience the wonder of what God wants to do in our lives if we will just rely less on what we see and instead hang on to the One who sees it ALL.

Pizza, Polls, and Potential

What a beauty! Yes the picture is a bit blurry, but the taste was superb. The yellow peppers, particularly, were sweet and juicy and mixed well with the sweet onion and olive oil drizzled all over it.

Alex made a calzone that had so many layers of cheese, we estimated the cost for the cheese alone to be over $10! So remember, making homemade pizza is not always cost effective- but who says everything has to be economical?!

Now this post has nothing to do with the deep things of life, and is not about wrestling with fear, or probing the underworld of subconscious thought, or dealing with the intricate issues that come up when you explore what faith is.

This post is simply about the kind of joy that you taste with your mouth. It's about taking time to do things like make homemade pizza and make a mess while you're at it. Staying neat and clean is over rated!

(P.S. Have you taken the poll on the right side column of the blog? Step right up and vote for your favorite pizza topping. Vote now! Not because it's going to cause world peace or create some huge change for good, but simply because its your vote, its your opinion...and it matters!)

Swimming WITH the Tide

It's pizza night tonight. Our creative juices are flowing and we are anticipating the feel of the pizza dough in our hands, the taste of the cheese melting in our mouth, the music playing loudly (I think it will be Kenny G tonight) and the sense of satisfaction we get from eating something delicious that we know how to make. We started out with some doughy crust, wrong sauce, not enough onions or mushrooms, and over time, we developed our pizazz with pizza- and boy are we glad!

We're pretty good at making pizza. And we're good at other things too. And of course, there's some things we're not too good at: like washing windows ( I do them intermittently- not regularly, like my mother did), keeping our car clean inside (it's more of a traveling trash and storage bin), and taking better care of Harry's ears (they should be cleaned regularly, but he dreads this, I dread doing it, and so...it doesn't get done that often).

I can tell you the things we're not good at- that I know we're not good at. But I can't tell you about the things we are failing in if I'm not yet aware of those things. And lately, I've been noticing how a lot of people's relationships, and sense of confidence and self awareness, have to do with our competencies and with our awareness of our competencies. And vice versa- cause you don't know what you don't know.

That's why I've thoroughly enjoyed reading Noah St John's book, The Secret Code of Success, because he delves into the some interesting issues having to do with success, competence, the sub conscious, and choice. He talks about the factor of being "unconsciously competent at allowing yourself to succeed". There are many people doing amazing things and doing them well- and yet they are not necessarily applying themselves more or working harder than someone else who is not succeeding in their attempt at something. They might just be unconsciously competent at something you can't, for the life of you, do.

Our family, for example, does not diligently work at making pizza night a success (but perhaps you might find it a lot of work and too much mess). It just is a Success because of many reasons: 1) I come from a long line of cooks/chefs (not professional ones, just people who loved to eat, knew how to work with food, and enjoyed doing it every day), so my husband and children have acclimated to this syndrome of always "working with" our food and enjoying the process, 2) This is how we cut loose and be loud and crazy and it really is good for our family to express itself this way, and 3) we love to taste the fruit of our labor- literally.

This is just an example- our pizza night- of one of our successes. Success has to do with flowing in a gift, reaping the fruit of your labor, and enjoying the process. Success is NOT about straining and striving and trudging up hill, against the grain, against the flow. Success is about Releasing your gift, Rejoicing in how God made you, and Remembering that God invented the whole process of sowing and reaping, of planting and harvesting. A successful day is a day lived fully. A successful family is a family being who they are, realizing their uniqueness, treasuring their time together.

I'm just thinking about that word a lot, lately. I'm seeing Success in a whole new light- and I'm seeing myself in a whole new way too. I've looked at certain so-called successful people, in the past, and thought they were successful because they were amazingly good at certain things that I could not do or achieve, like they did. Now I see that they may have simply- not heroically- been flowing in a gift, swimming with the tide- not against it.

It may be that I've spent too much time swimming against the current. I may have needlessly climbed too many mountains- instead of skiing or coasting down the mountains and yelling out deliriously with joy as I did. Maybe Success is more at my fingertips than I realized. It's like God- He's right there. He's not far away. And what a joyous discovery we make when we discover this truth!

So yeah, tonight is Pizza Night. It's an expression of who we are as a family. It's a night when our creativity flows. We're in the groove. We're in the Zone. We'll celebrate all that comes easily to us, all that we know how to do and that we thank God we know how to do. We rejoice in our competencies. Cause there's plenty of time to be aware of weaknesses and lack. Tonight we celebrate abundance and we celebrate Success. And it not only feels good to do so, but it sure tastes good too.

Alive and Kicking

What a week! Yesterday was the first day I did not have a doctor's visit scheduled for my son, Alex. This was a scary Asthma attack- the worst he's had in a long time. But the strangest thing about this stressful week was that it was also blissful. Really.

Part of the bliss was that our family was together. Having our son home from college- even if he was very sick and half out of it, at times- was like finding something that I had lost and didn't know I lost. I missed my son this year- terribly. And I didn't know how much I missed him; didn't know how much our home needed him here to make us all feel alive and together and blessed.

So yes- my week was blessed and stressed. But as he got better, day by day, my joy increased. Our laughter rang out. Harry, the couch potato that he is, got even more relaxed. The house got messier. Our schedule revolved around asthma treatments and medicine and cooking the most nutritious meals I could think of. And our home swelled with love.

Now, don't think I'm forgetting how much my son turns me gray! He still likes to push the envelope, stress me out, assert his individuality, stay up late, play his music loud. But you might say I am also going through a new stage in my life, in my faith: I am launching out into the deep, radically choosing right things for me, purposefully carving out a path that I would want to stay on and not just try out temporarily. I'm asserting myself, too- and I might just blast my music loudly!

I've been taking deep breaths and sighing with contentment lately. There's a sense of God's goodness all around me that I am more aware of than I ever have before. And the opportunity to choose Good, choose well and choose wisely, is before me in clear sight. There's a lot of things I have to make decisions about, but I am not feeling that stressed about these choices.

So while my college-aged son may live life loud and messily this summer, he is also going to have a mom who is feeling her youth being renewed, her stamina recharged, her sense of adventure whetted and ignited. Life is for the living. I'm alive and well. And more than that, I'm glad that I am.

Thank You for the Present

Dear Bill, Alex, Abby- and of course, Harry- and all the rest of you precious ones,

Thank you for a most interesting and precious Mother's Day. The fact that we were all together- at home, at the hospital emergency room, back at home again- well, that's what made the day so valuable, even if it was stressful at times.

Of course we started the day right, didn't we? I made the best french toast ever- even if I almost burned the bacon. But that was right after you told me, Alex, that you didn't feel well and wanted to see the doctor. Then I knew you were really sick. So we ate our breakfast and hurried off to the doctor appointment I made. Thank God, literally, that our pediatrician's office was on call this weekend. And that they're only a two minute trip away by car. And that they know you and your history of asthma and pneumonia, and that they take such good care of you always. Thank God.

And of course when they told us we needed to take you to the emergency room, thank God they called ahead and requested that you be seen immediately upon entering the Emergency room. We had packed a bag of snacks and water bottles because we thought it might be a long day at the emergency room. Dad packed the snacks because he thought ahead. he always does. And Abby was organized and efficient as ever- like a second junior mother. I told her she'd be a great nurse, while we were waiting for the doctor's assessment of Alex's breathing, but that I didn't want her to be a nurse because the job was so hard and stressful and grueling. She assured me she didn't want to be a nurse either- but then we thanked God for those people who did. Thank God for nurses.

The X-ray showed Alex did have pneumonia- and I thought it would be the case. Mother's intuition. I felt relieved that antibiotics would soon be doing their incredible work in your body and that you'd respond to them and start to improve. The breathing treatments and steroids had already worked their wonder on you, Alex, and I suddenly remembered that I should remember to breathe. I hold my breath a lot, unconsciously, when I'm stressed out. Abby patted my hand a lot while we were at the emergency room- but we also laughed together over the funny and often sarcastic comments that you often make, Alex. We knew you'd be okay because you had enough strength to be your witty wonderful self- even if you do like to push the envelope and my hot buttons all at the same time.

When we got home, Harry was there, waiting for us, all placid and calm. I felt like a wreck- especially after I got all the prescriptions filled at the nearby pharmacist. Thank God for pharmacists. I talked with our doctor by phone to decide which medicines Alex needed more of and assured her we would call again in the morning and come in to have them check on Alex again.

So we did what we always do if we're feeling happy to be together as a family, and hungry as well- we made homemade pizza. Probably the best pizzas we ever made. Or was it because everyone ( but me) ate them so gratefully and hungrily- and with relief. I ate with relief, at least; the little I could eat. I was just glad we were all well- or at least on our way to being well.

Bill folded laundry- because Alex had only come home the night before (he came home sick, exhausted, and with a ton of dirty laundry), and already my husband found a way to accomplish several loads of wash during the stressful day we just had. So Bill folded laundry and I collapsed on the bed.Abby gave me a foot rub. Then I coaxed Alex to lie down and relax and he finally gave in and collapsed on the bed next to me. Harry jumped up on the bed and joined us. And we were one happy family. I felt such bliss- cause we made it through the day and even had some fun delicious moments interspersed through the day.

So what if I spent my Mother's Day at the doctor's office and then Emergency room and then finally back at home. We spent it together.My kids are with me. I had incredible help and support from all kinds of wonderful people throughout the day.

You might just say that it was probably the best Mother's Day I've ever had. Cause all throughout the day I was so aware of how so many people do so much to help so many. Mothers need these kind of people in their lives. Every one needs helpful people in their life. And they are out there.

So thank you, everyone who touched our life yesterday; thank you for the best present I could have on Mother's Day. You all helped me survive as a mother- and more than that, I triumphed. Cause love conquers all. And there was a lot of love yesterday. An awful lot of love.

Quote for the Week

"The word progress comes from the Latin progredi, which means 'to step forward'. Life is not about being perfect; it's about having the courage to move forward one step at a time."

-Noah St. John, Author

Every Time I Eat an Avocado

I stuffed myself with more fajitas than I should have eaten, really- but only because I had put chopped avocado in the fajitas I custom designed, and I just can't say no to avocado or anything that has avocado in it. Sprinkle salt and pepper on a half a ripe avocado and eat it right out of the skin. Delicious.

I never eat an avocado without thinking of my Dad. Never. He was the one who introduced me to the taste of avocado- as well as to any other interesting, exotic, foreign flavor. Dad would be eating an avocado with a spoon and glancing over at me (well, glancing down at me, because I was little) and he would purse his lips and murmur how delicious it was and how I could not have any avocado.

But maybe someday I might be able to taste it, he would add. Someday. And so one day after he thought I had waited long enough, had longed for it long enough (because that was what he was trying to do- get me to long for something I wouldn't have normally longed for), he gave me a taste of it. And of course, I loved it. Mission accomplished.

So tonight, like several nights a week, I ate half an avocado, thought of my Dad, remembered how he wanted to always introduce me to the best and brightest of flavors and experiences. He still wants me to have the best of experiences. I thought of him tonight, and I thought of how he was trying so hard to be tender and caring with my Mom the other day.

Mom's not doing too well. It's getting bad again- the depression, her desire to stay in bed, the fear. I didn't handle it well. I had gone over for a visit and tried to get my Mom to enjoy the new clothes we had bought her: soft, pastel cotton tops, comfortable velour sweat pants, a sweater with pockets for her tissues. But that kind of comfort and beauty wasn't going to meet her need that day.

Dad was patient. He tried to talk to her and get her to accept our love, our help, our interest in trying to make things nicer for her. We wanted her to come for a drive with us, and get a bite to eat. She wanted to stay in bed. She wanted to sleep and let the world fade away- let whatever was bothering her fade into dreamland. She closed her eyes and took her nap. We took a deep breath...and went out for a quick lunch. And the world went on. I came home. Went to sleep. Got up today. Went about my day. Enjoyed the sunlight. Ate an avocado tonight.

This has been a long journey. Our whole family is on an interesting bumpy, uphill, sometimes downhill journey. It's a long journey spiced with good memories and sometimes sad ones, and flavored with love, salty tears, trying times, special times, and yes, the wonderful taste of avocado.

Swine Flu and The Things That Matter to You

Education is good, but too much information- which can come through education- might be overwhelming. If you want to be an informed, upstanding good citizen, you should listen to the nightly news. If you want to be sane, sober minded and healthy with peace and perspective, you might not want to listen to the nightly news- at least not listen to it too much. It's a coin toss, really.

Wow, what a ride we are having in this nation. It's been a roller coaster. Between the upheaval in the economy, the drastic downturn in the stock market, the escalating unemployment rate, the horrific housing market, and now the threat of swine flu, we are all asking ourselves if we mistakenly woke up in the middle of a nightmare! And if that is the case, it seems we're trying to find a way to get back to restful sleep so that we can possibly wake up in a better part of this dream. When will things get better? Can they get better?

I'm not a medical expert, and I'm not a financial seer, and I'm not a prominent government leader with power to make some fast concrete changes that would affect the masses, so I may not seem to be anyone you should listen to. And you shouldn't listen to me if I speak from my own insight and human perspective.

But let's just see if we can tap into the great mysterious underground of God's Wisdom and Love and see if we can find something very concrete to stand on here. Nobody is looking for another Kum-by-ya song or some rote prayer or some foolish human proclamation of peace when there is no peace. It seems we're all looking for the most concrete, most grounded thing we can stand on- at least in these times.

This is not what we were looking for years ago. Years ago what we were looking for was an exhilarating ride into greatness or wealth. We were looking for fast trips and luxury and more and more things to satisfy our longing for More. Some of us were looking for career advancement, recognition. Some of us were looking for romance or for Mr. Right- and the T.V. show, The Bachelor, became a great fun way to vicariously help someone find their true love. In years past, rock solid BORING stability was not what we were looking for.

But that's what many of us are looking for now. Peaceful days. A Cook out with true friends and loved ones by our side. A glance at our kids and a sigh of relief that they're all healthy and safe. A look at our bank account and a feeling of peace that there's enough- not much- but enough, enough to pay bills. A job to go to- never mind it being a great job or having a promising future. These are the things that we are finally content with. And we're content with these simple things, now, because we're in scary times. And scary times make people take inventory of what is the most needed in their life.

I think, then, that we might possibly be in the best of possible times- only because we are grounded into reality, called upon to take an account of our life and of what is true and what is necessary and what is loved; only because we are experiencing tremors and rumblings and de-stabilizing events and so we want the most rock solid thing that we can find now. We want Stability. We want Strength. We want Security... and where is it??!

It's Here. HE IS here, I should say. God is with us.

God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
courageous in seastorm and earthquake,
Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains.

Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us. Psalm 46:1-3

I love how Brenda Waggoner brought up a powerful quote from Oswald Chambers, in her book Fairy Tale Faith: "Oswald Chambers says that if we are to have 'staying power during the alarm moments of life,' we have to be grounded in God's basic truths." We are experiencing the "alarm moments of life." Right now.

Well some of us have been spouting off Bible quotes about God's love for years, some of us have been writing about how God is Powerful and that we should believe in Him, and some of us have been aware that there is a God who created the world and that He supposedly is Able to Keep us From Falling- but now we are going to have to live those beliefs as purposefully and intently as a marathon runner trains and zeros in on that last mile.

We've got to be pit bulls of the Faith, not pampered and spoiled poodles. We've got to laugh in the face of danger, not at any one's misfortune and not because we are insane or foolish- but because when our laughter rings out, by faith, God laughs too. Joy electrifies a troubled situation. Peace permeates the prison and the locked doors split open. People walk out into the sun shine and declare they are not going to be afraid. Not while they know the most amazing truth that God not only will reign and be Strong- but that He will reign in their life and be Strong on their behalf.

Can You Tell What I Believe?

I'm going from reading a beautiful and rather soothing book, The Noticer, to reading a book that is so direct and caustic in tone that the author, Larry Winget, is described as "the pit bull of personal development". You might ask if I'm crazy for selecting his book to read or if I just have a mini death wish. But it's for the very fact that I don't want to be crazy or at all unstable or imbalanced that I deliberately choose books to read that are outside of my comfort zone.

It's good for me to not have everything delivered to me on a silver platter. (But if I could have Tea and toast with marmalade, delivered to me on a silver platter once a week, I'd take it in a heartbeat!). And if Truth needs to come at me disguised in tough words and sharp, straight shooting observations, so be it. The main thing is that you get more and more of the truth; that your eyes get opened, that light and revelation come.

Everyone knows that famous speech Martin Luther King Jr. gave, "I Have a Dream"- but not everyone knows what your particular dream is- do they? Everyone has a dream. Even the most placid and methodical of us have a dream deep inside- even if they don't think they do.

Some people just have a dream that they will one day be free from anxiety. Some people have a dream of something more concrete- like owning a BMW Convertible. Both those dreams sound good to me, but one of them is more crucial to a prosperous life- and it isn't the dream of the BMW. You can live without a BMW but you can't live with anxiety and fear choking the life out of you. That is not living it up. That is not the abundant life.

Just the subtitle of this book makes me remember the truth that we, as humans, sometimes sabotage ourselves- though we forget that truth, ignore that truth, or rebel against the thought of it being true. And I think self-sabotage might come from the root of not wanting to love yourself. To really love and care for your soul, you have to free yourself to receive God's goodness and to believe His promises of provision and care. You can't have a bent in you that rejects good- even if its at a tiny almost invisible level.

My best friend, Mu, and I chatted by phone yesterday morning and we wound up discussing mental health and the battle that today's Christian has to not only hold his or her steadfast convicitions, but to also live this abundant life Christ talked about. And to live an abundant life you have to be healthy in your spirit. "Out of you shall flow rivers of living water" Christ said, but sometimes instead its rivers of tears and weeping over what troubles us, what we're anxious about, what assails our spirit and makes us unwell.

For all the proclamations we Christians make about God's Love, and God Bless You, and Thank God, and God is Good- we really might not be believers- true believers- of these statements. Whether we are real believers of these truths will show up in not only what we give to others of ourselves, but in what we are willing to receive- directly from the hand of God, and from the hand of God expressed through others.

Lately I care very little about details of doctrine, and I am caring much more about the reality of what I believe as it is expressed in not only my words and actions but in my thought life and mind-peace in particular. This is my latest thought- that the best witness I can be for the reality of Christ in me, the Hope of Glory- is that troubled people, anxious people, worried people (and I think there's a lot of them in this world, don't you?) that these people, if they were hanging out with me for a day, would say that their experience with me resonated with grace, peace, soundness of mind, healthiness of spirit.

This experience I'm having with knowing the reality of the peace and grace of God so concretely that I am healthy in my emotions and thinking- this experience is powerful. It's powerful not just because it is Abundance, it is Strength all the way to my bones- but it's powerful because it touches others. It can cause a ripple effect that surges into waves of blessing. It's powerful because a healthy mind at peace and at rest is going to wind up being sought after and prized more than having a convertible or a million dollars.

That's what I'm thinking today. Do you see what I'm talking about here? I'd love to know your thoughts.

And may your thoughts today be sound and healthy and stayed on Him.

What You've Possibly Been Searching For

This book is a bit confusing at first (is it a memoir? fiction? a self help book phrased as a parable?), somewhat pedantic and preachy at times, but possibly one of the best books I've ever read- as far as it being A LIFE CHANGING READ. And frankly, that's why I read books.

Yes, there's times when I read for an enjoyable breezy ride that distracts me from my momentary troubles. And then there's times when I read memoirs, in particular, and am engrossed in the pain and the beauty of someone's actual life and thereby moved and provoked to appreciate my own life.

But for the most part I read hungrily, thirstily- like a woman in the desert searching for a spring of water. And what I'm searching for is Truth. Revelation. Wisdom. Something concrete and foundational to stand on- cause I don't like feeling shakey or sketchy in my thinking.

The Noticer, by Motivational Speaker Andy Andrews, is a book for someone like me, then. Perhaps its because the author of the book might have just taken a similar route in life as I have: he's gone through some good and some painful times, has questioned about what it all means, has read voraciously and with intent to learn and glean, and now he wants to share the bounty in his basket.

This book is not sensational or sizzling, or intricate in plot and character development. It might be slow moving at times, or it might be a little too fairy tale like. What's with this character, Jones? Is he an angel? Did this really happen as Andrews writes it? How embellished is the story or how much has it been crafted with poetic license in order to turn it into a living parable? These are the issues I have with the book.

But the blessings in this book make me say- who cares about all of that? Does a drowning man care about the saving person's background and style? No, he only cares about the rope being tossed. And this is what Andy Andrews throws out to the reader: his own wealth of experience and his accumulation of insight and PERSPECTIVE from having read thousands of books, biographies, historical accounts of people in crisis and what these people learned. Andrews then presents to the reader a simple story that has a prophetic undercurrent.

If you know how to put your ear to the ground, so to speak, and listen for the rumbling of God's voice or feel the presence of God through someone's words, then you will love this book. I say that firmly and I say that prophetically. If you're hungering for the beautiful peace and hope that come from getting a new look at life, at yourself, you will feast your way through this book.

I went through this book with a pen and marked the statements that spoke to my heart. I marked up the book a lot. I felt certain statements and insights were directed at me specifically. For example, when I read "I say to you that, as you lay your head down tonight, you are sleeping on fertile ground" -I felt as if I had received a blessing and a proclamation. It was true. It is true. I suddenly saw it and believed it in a way I couldn't have agreed with before.

People who struggle with worry, and fear, regret over old age, questions about making right choices- you'll read this book and think it is a gift from God that you did. At least that's what I think you would feel. And if you didn't feel blessed and surprised by this book's influence on your life, maybe it would be because you had discovered some of these truths and powerful principles already. Maybe you are filled with a lot of wisdom already.

If so, please write a book and share with us all this bounty of blessed insight and perspective. 'Cause that's what Andy Andrews did- he prepared and set out for the reader to enjoy all that had brewed within him, all that he had learned from having been burdened and then blessed to have been relieved of. He shared his life and he shared all that he has read over the years, through the words of a character named Jones.

And more than that, he shared a key. Take it if you want. Use it to open the door. The door to what, you ask? Well, only you could know that.

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*I am a member of Thomas Nelson's Book Review Blogger Program. Check it out: Thomas Nelson

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Opening the Treasure Chest of Wisdom

I'm having the time of my life, lately. That it coincides with Spring, warm weather and sunshine (we're going to hit the high 70's today!! woo-hoo!!) just adds icing to the cake. A lot of this joy I'm feeling has come from my perspective changing on things, and my perspective has changed because of who I'm talking to and what I'm reading.

Let me tell you- I am one wealthy person! Well, at least when it comes to access to books and ideas. I have a great huge public library (well, I don't have it as in own it, but I might as well own it with the way I have complete access to all the benefits of it and none of the responsibilities that go with ownership except that of returning my books on time). This library is literally within a couple miles of my house, and I practically salivate at the thought of going to it- which happens to be at a rate of 3-4 times a week, usually.

I'm a book hog- and I don't make any apologies. Now my daughter has joined the rank of Book Hogs United and we both plan our trips to the library and what we're picking up when we get there as if we were miners talking about a pending gold strike.

I'm about to update my reading list (side column) but for now, let me say that I'm reading 3-4 books at the same time and I don't want to get through these too fast. I don't want the journey to end too quickly.

Here's a brief nugget of wisdom that came to me today after reading just a bit in two of the books. You might say that I'm coming up with a few enlightened conclusions of my own after compiling the honesty and wisdom and truth and perspective that I get out of these books: I am a person who has battled through some trials, but I never realized that in battling so long and so hard, that I might get to the point where I might not be able to just relax and enjoy Times of Refreshing- if they came.

And they have come- these times of refreshing, this season of coming out of the trench and realizing that its not all about battles and challenges. Sometimes its about laughing and living and loving and lightening up. Seriously- I need to be a bit more frivolous and light hearted and....dare I say...irresponsible. I only say that because I know myself- and for me, leaning towards irresponsibility, instead of tightly clenched and stoic responsibility, is a good thing. Its needed. It's high time. Enough of adversity. It's time for....Hmmmm. Time for something else.

If God uses adversity and trials to polish us and purify our hearts, then what is the opposite of adversity and what does this Opposite accomplish in our lives? I think the opposite of Adversity is Prosperity- and in this time of political and economic unease and despair, even- how the heck do I think I should be feeling prosperous, much less actually be prosperous?

Well, I'll get to that. For now I just want to tell you, my readers, that I feel like a kid in the candy shop. I'm finding out that God hides joy under heavy boulders. That there are surprises- good surprises- ahead of me, and not just calamity, catastrophe, and cautious times.

I want to tell you about one excellent book, in particular, that I'm reading- but I'll be writing a thorough review of that in a couple more days. For now, you might say I'm a walking review of it. See me grinning ear to ear and my shoulders relaxed and my eyes sparkling and reflecting a zest for life again. It's not always uphill.

And by the way, nothing big or significant has happened in my life these past couple days. I didn't inherit a million. I didn't win a trip to Bermuda (but I 'd like to!). I just dove into some great reading, opened my heart, felt God touch me through these authors- through what they were saying, and what I was then saying to God- and now I'm just walking with a lighter step and a sunnier outlook.

You might say I feel like a prosperous woman. And that's probably the first step to prosperity after all.

The Winning Combination

Last night was pizza night. Normally Friday night is the night we make homemade pizza, but we moved it over a couple nights due to other events happening, as well as the fact that you have to be in a creative, fun loving, happy mood when you make pizza at our house.

First, my husband Bill puts on some Michale Buble or Tony Bennett and the music gets us feeling light hearted. Then the homemade pizza dough gets divided into 3 pieces ( 4 pieces when our son is home from college) and Bill, Abby, and I each start stretching the dough in our pans. Abby makes a cheese pizza and will add bits of buffalo chicken. Bill does a veggie style pizza with lots of onion and green pepper and mushroom. I love doing a mushroom and sweet sausage pizza- when I remember to buy the sausage earlier in the day.

The flour flies, the music plays loudly, the dog gets under our feet, and in the end- twenty minutes later- we have 3 gorgeous pizzas coming out of a hot oven. We feast on them and feel creative and well fed and full. Life is good. Our pizza night is always a success.

But we have other nights when we are out of sorts, not creative, and the meal is slightly burned or flat tasting. it could be that our Pizza night always turns out to be successful because we've been at this for a couple years now. We've tried different sauces, I've doctored the pizza dough recipe, and we've been getting sillier and more wild as we make them. We look forward to Pizza Night because we've come to expect a great experience and great flavor.

The winning combination of success and more success is hard to find. Usually what we experience is success, then failure, then a bit of success, then lots of failure- and if we stop there, it could be a long time before we experience success again.

Trying something for the first time, and then trying it again, is an important ingredient of Success. So you could also say that Risk taking is essential to Success Making. You try something, and therefore you risk something. There's not a lot of sure things in this life. Instead, there's a lot of Maybe-but Perhaps Not-Then Again Maybe.

So many Christians try to make the Christian life sound like its a sure thing- that you get instant peace with God, a fulfilled life, great sleep at night, and no worries because you've now Got God. I don't know that we ever "get God". We don't get what He's up to. We don't get why He allows things to happen in our life. We don't get the full benefits of knowing Him- because we rarely know Him fully. We know Him in part. We see Him in glimpses and in rare wonderful moments. And then we lose sight, or we lost perspective, or we lose the joy of risking and reaching out and trying to find Him again.

I've had some incredible successful moments in my walk with God, where I had epiphanies and revelations and experiences that were intense, meaningful, satisfying- as in cold water given to a sun scorched soul. I've also had some failures in my walk- times when I felt frustrated with God, when I thought God was all about the gain that you get from only pain. I've had times when I couldn't see Him or feel His presence, and I felt deep in darkness and despair, only to suddenly get a sighting of Him that lit up my day and my heart and made me feel wonderful and sad at the same time- because I doubted that He would ever show up again. We're both sad whenever I doubt Him.

The winning combination of success and failure, knowing God and then forgetting what you knew of Him, gaining ground and then losing ground- this combination is our life. Failure can be a stepping stone to success. Going through dark times can mean that experiencing the wonderful times is even sweeter and more fulfilling.

All the nights I've burned dinner, or over cooked the chicken till it was leathery and dry, are forgotten on Pizza Night. On pizza night we live it up. We relish the taste, the experience, the joy of trying to get the winning combination. WE eat the fruit of the labor of our hands and we're glad we got the chance to try something, fail, succeed, and in the end get a mouthful of something so good that we want to do it again.

Simply Sensational

The dog is clipped, the house is clean, and there's even a warm coffee cake cooling on the counter- a sign that I felt enterprising (and hungry enough) to bake. I came back with a load of groceries this afternoon, and while I was out earlier, I even ran in the parking lot while I was returning my shopping cart to the stall. This elderly gentleman smiled at me and I think I knew what he was thinking- go ahead and run, run while you can. Run while you're strong enough to run.

It's good to feel like a weight is lifted from your shoulders. Today I decided to just enjoy life- and in particular, this day. This is the only day I can claim, right now. And today I have a strong and young enough body to prance across a parking lot and vigorously stir up a thick coffee cake batter. Today is what I tackle and what I enjoy- if I dare to.

So it's a simple Saturday. Hope your Saturday is sensational as well- even if you're not doing sensational things. Sometimes just doing some simple things, and doing them with a light heart, makes all the difference.

Home Base Bliss

Thank God for the birds chirping outside or I would forget it's Spring. Sometimes I'm wrestling with issues from my past like someone dealing with snow removal and the snow never stops coming. There's got to be a time and place when you just forget "dealing" with stuff and you decide to just breathe, take a deep breath, smile, relax, and be -what feels like to you- slightly irresponsible and carefree.

Harry is content and at peace- and that is amazing because he got clipped and shorn the other day, like a sheep at the shearers. But this was a different experience for him. The truth is, the grooming place where I had been taking him really didn't care to have Harry return. They said they would groom him if I really needed to bring him in, but there was a sound of resignation in the woman's voice when she said it. I knew what she meant: don't bring that skitzy, nervous, pooping dog in here, please!

So I didn't. I found someone who comes to your home, parks in your driveway, and clips and cleans your dog from the little shelter of her minivan equipped with doggy bath, generator, air conditioner, grooming table. And this sweet woman was not some battle ax of a woman, but a sweet talking blonde wisp of a thing. Harry loved her.

She spent three hours in her van with him and when he emerged, he looked like a little lamb, and acted like one too. He wasn't cowering and acting neurotic and rushing to a corner to hide for three days, like he would have if I had taken him somewhere to get groomed.

"He kept staring out the van window and he knew where he was, so he didn't seem to be that scared" she told me.

It's good to feel like you know where you are- that you're safe at home base. I do happen to know several people who struggle with fear of leaving home, fear of open spaces, fearing of treading new ground in new places. I have a lot of empathy for anyone who struggles to come out of their shell, out of their home, out of their past.

It's a lot of work to clip a nervous dog- and its a lot of work to stabilize someone who is nervous and full of anxiety but maybe doesn't have all the words to aptly describe why they're experiencing what they're experiencing.

My husband and daughter and I are celebrating our dog's recent experience with Success. This past grooming experience was successful. The dog is no longer matted and dirty and his ears are clean and healthy now. But more than that, he's not traumatized or further induced to avoid the groomer with even more hysteria. No, he might just walk out, the next time, and greet the groomer happily, and jump into her doggy spa van and let her do her thing.

So I'm thinking that maybe I should also try to deal with the things that scare me or trouble me by deciding if I really do need to deal with them head on, feet first, plunging into them like a scared swimmer jumping into ice cold water. Maybe there's a way to find better places, better relationships, better scenarios. Maybe I can spend more time authorizing myself to choose better and choose wisely so I spend less time as a victim or as a unwilling participant in a scene that I didn't have to enter.

All this wisdom and musing can be attributed to the fact that I got to observe my dog go through something that, this time, wasn't an ordeal. This time it was palatable. Next time it might even be enjoyable.

And that's what I'm heading for: enjoying life, enjoying the fruit of the labor of my hands, enjoying the journey. Because there's choices along the way. And I want to make good ones. I don't always get to choose what I'm going to go through- but when I do, I want to choose well.

Now I'm off to walk the dog and notice the birds chirping. It's a good day.

Stale Marshmallow Bunnies and New Thoughts on Grace

The marshmallow bunnies are all on clearance and there's rainbow colored jelly beans everywhere you look. Easter is over. We're in the midst of Spring. This should be a bright sunny season of our life. But just because its Spring and just because Christ rose from the dead and we can, potentially, have a life of victory and overcoming power, doesn't mean we do. Well, we do- and we don't. It's that already-but-not-yet syndrome of the Christian life that we're always wrestling with.

Just because I celebrated Christ's resurrection on Sunday, doesn't mean that I live a life of new thoughts, new hopes and new dreams. I don't. A lot of old stuff creeps into my life and I deal with moldy thoughts and decaying dreams. I sort through a lot of stuff, mentally, and am always trying to figure out what is outdated, what is lost or futile, and what is locked in lack of grace. I should probably be concentrating on more on where the grace is, where the light is- but its human nature to mourn and regret and look back.

I'm reading Jon Katz's latest book and its beautiful and sweet and troubling. He had a troubled childhood. He loves animals. He's a gifted writer. So what results from that combination is a story about his life on a farm with his animals and the underlying feelings and memories we have when we're stroking the top of our dog's head, or feeling soothed by their weight as they lean against us, sighing with contentment. We're comforted by our animal companions, but we're sometimes enjoying their companionship while feeling alone at the same time because these pets know nothing of the weight of pressures and responsibilities we face.

My dog, Harry, is usually contented and at rest. He lives to be near me- and if I'm not available, he'll take my husband or kids as second choice. He mourned my son's absence for a while- when he went off to college- but now Harry has adjusted to the changes in our household.

That's the key thing- isn't it?- adjusting to the changes that take place in our life, however small or large they may be. Seems to me that those who are agile and quick to adjust to change do better than those of us who wrestle with why the change is occurring instead of getting with the reality that Change has occurred.

If you're going through a trial or challenge right now, a dog's warm furry body pressed against you as you stare vacantly out a window might comfort you some. But it can't take away the feeling of weight or worry. And meditating on the power God has to raise the dead can help you lift your eyes and ask Him for help- but it can't take away the scenario you face. You're going to walk through the valley of the shadow of death: maybe death of a dream or a hope you had, maybe death of innocence or naivete, or maybe its the death of a plan you had to get you someplace- any place but where you are.

I take comfort in the fact that for everyone who heard the news of Christ's resurrection, there was disbelief, a sense of incredulity, doubt even, and denial. How can it be? How can LIFE occur when all is lost, gone, or without breath? How can I think it's not over when I was told it's all over?

God likes to rattle our cages. He loves to cheer up the downtrodden. And He especially likes to prove me wrong when I tell Him I'm too weary to get excited about anything because life is too uphill.

That's when God turns the tables, turns my world upside down, and makes me go flying deliriously downhill like a skier shooting down the mountain- only now its not a terrifying trip but a coasting down over the very mountains that I had just been trying to climb. God decides when you can't take anymore- and He's a very good judge of our actual abilities to cope.

And when we feel like we're at the edge of what we can stand, He has an experience in mind that changes what we think about ourselves, our God, our trial, our life. It's an experience of grace. And it will be there when you need it most.

Guy with the Guitar- You Know Who You Are

What a great Easter celebration we had yesterday. At church, in the middle of worship with a choir backing up the main worship leader, they started a new song and there was a voice singing- an incredible true beautiful voice- and we didn't know where it was coming from.

"Who's singing?" my husband asked. "It's a different voice. It's not the main worship leader- but I can't see who it is that's singing because there's so many on the stage".

"It's the guy with the guitar, I think. The electric guitar," I whispered back. Or maybe it's a bass guitar- I don't know much about those instruments. But I do know a good voice when I hear it.

It wasn't a good voice as in trained, professional, or even superior sounding. It just rang out so true and so clear and so haunting that it drew us into worship. This guy was talented. But he was more than that. He has been hidden. He's still a bit hidden- at least to us. We don't know his name. We don't know his background. We don't know if he has a desire to pursue a career in singing- or if his own talent and beauty is hidden even from himself.

I hope he knows what a gift God has given him. I wanted to say something to him after church, but I didn't see him until we were walking out the building. I'm going to try to find him next week and let him know how touched I was by his part in the worship team. I want to let him know he has something rare and true and honest and soul searing; that his voice may have a rare anointing on it. That even though he may have tried to pursue a singing career or a segue way into the music industry and maybe met with some obstacles, to not give up!

Or maybe he is already on his way. Maybe the doors are wide open and he has experienced favor and success and encouragement all over the place. I kinda doubt it (being the pessimist that I am! Well, a reformed pessimist who is open to being optimistic). Most people meet with more defeat than they do success. At least early on. That's just the way the cookie crumbles.

But I'm not about to let that influence me entirely. I love to see people find their way, pursue their dream, get on track, or get back on track if they are off track. I love to see a gift make way for someone- and this young guy has a gift.

Guy with the Guitar, you might not know who you are....yet. You might not realize what a talent you have and that its worth pursuing that uphill course to fulfilment of your God given dream.

But I know who you are: you are amazing, talented, gifted. And you touched my heart this past Easter Sunday. A song rose in my own heart, right after you sang. And this song is still ringing out today.

I Smell Roses

It's Good Friday. I told my daughter, yesterday, that today, Good Friday, was going to be a day we would treat differently. We wouldn't spend the day trying to do what we wanted, when we wanted to, as though we had all control and power over our life, as though we were in complete control over our destiny and there was No One who held our life in Their Hands.

So I started my day, after my husband left for work, feeling a bit puzzled as to what I should do next. I found myself drawn to the book of Ecclesiastes, and I do mean, literally, the book. I read it through- from chapter 1 to Chapter12. It reads like a friend talking to you, who has questions about life, advice gleaned from experience, and a great respect for the unknown and the unseen things of God. It addresses so many issues of life and then, in the end, answers none of these issues- because, really, it's all a mystery.

I knew a pastor who spent every New Years Eve at the local Garbage Dump, reading the book of Ecclesiastes. He said that was the best way for him to start the New Year. He was a melancholy contemplative sort of guy, and I loved how he addressed the agonies in life and answered so few of my questions and how I had more questions than ever after he preached. Not more confusion, mind you- just questions. And I think that's the sign of a good pastor and a wise man.

Maybe Good Friday is my New Years Eve. I'll skip going to the dump because our town dump is not a quiet place to be. I'll commemorate this day that Christ was crucified by recognizing my life begins because of His death. I can have a Happy New Year and a joyful new day because of what He did for me. This is one thing I know for sure. This is not a mystery- the fact that He died and rose again. It's truth. But it is a mystery why He loved us so, why He loves us still. It is a mystery how He leads us and how He guides us and where we are going and why we are where we are.

Here's what I gleaned from today's reading: "Truth is beyond us. It's far too deep" (Eccl 7:24)- but that doesn't mean I shouldn't seek the Truth. I also contemplated what the Writer was alluding to: that what God does and what I actually see happen may be two different things. What I think I see God doing in my life may not be what is actually occurring! (Eccl 8:17). If I share with you my plans for this week and then tell you next year that I never wound up doing what I planned to do, you shouldn't be surprised.

It's like sitting at the local Dump and thinking you smell roses. Life can be that way. You can think you are heading toward a God ordained thing- and find out you don't see God anywhere in the picture. Or God can be definitely at work in your life and you don't see a single blessed thing.
Or you may think you are so on the right path and suddenly find yourself at a dead end.

The writer of Ecclesiastes would probably nod his head and say, "Yes." Yes to our misunderstanding what God is doing in our life. Yes to the fact that we could smell roses at a Dump. Yes to the hunger we have to know what is going on. Yes to the fact that we glimpse a bit of His Hand at work, here and there, now and then- and don't realize what a privilege it was to have had that glimpse into majesty.

I also found out that in addition to spiritual things like respect for God and right living, the writer of this book thinks you also need some very practical things to make it in this life. Things like hard work, good food to eat, real guts, courage, and the nerve to do something even when you are not even sure it will make any difference at all. "You never harvest what you didn't have the nerve to plant" he writes (Contemporary English Version).

It's a holy day today. But its also just another day. It's Friday- but it's also New Years Eve for me. Because something new is happening. I see some things, and then again, I don't know what the heck is going on in my life at all. As in the dark as I am, I'm also wise- for knowing that I know barely anything at all, except for the most important thing, the fact that HE LIVES. And everything else in my life can take its place under that Fact.

Harry's Close Call

Harry is lying on the floor, stretched out, sound asleep, exhausted. He had a close call this morning. A very close call. We were supposed to slip him in to the Groomers at 7am for what they call an express grooming. This way he would be in and out in less than 2 hours, and he wouldn't be upset or agitated, supposedly.

But we got to the groomers at 7am and she wasn't there. Harry was yanking at the leash, panting, having accidents on the floor, frantic to get out of there as soon as we got there. And lucky for him, the groomer called in sick.

So we came right home and Harry is out for the count. He will probably sleep all day, that's how relieved and exhausted he is from the sheer terror of an almost-appointment at the Groomers. Never mind that I had prayed over him all day yesterday. Never mind that I talked to him in my most soothing voice and tried to convey that his appointment with a very light and momentary affliction would be for a moment but that the benefits of a shampooing, clipping, cleaning, shaving (etc) would be for a ...well, not a lifetime, certainly, but at least it would last for a couple months before the agony would have to take place again.

The things we have to go through...and go through....again and again. Not that every trial is supposed to be cyclical. I'm convinced that I go through some trials too many times, and that if I could learn my lesson- or at least learn what I'm doing wrong or what I'm failing to do- maybe I wouldn't have to go through some of the trials I go through so often.

Then again, there are some trials that are very much part of life and part of growing and part of learning. Some trials you cannot avoid. Some trials you can. And this is where many of us ponder and reflect on what we're experiencing: is this an unavoidable lesson in life I had to learn or is this an agonizing trial I'm going through because I made a stupid mistake or I took a wrong turn and now I am going down a bumpy road and hating this agonizing experience?

I wonder if Harry looks at me with those soulful eyes of his and questions why I would torture him at the groomers every three to four months. (It should be every 2 months but you see, there I am, trying to help him avoid the trial). I'm not trying to make him go through a trial. I'm trying to help him stay clean and free of ear infections and painful matting. But he might think I'm just trying to make him go through a painful trial. I'm not- but there seems to be no other way to get him to this improved healthy state of post-grooming other than to go through the grooming experience- the trial that it is- to get to the results of the grooming.

I don't think God is big on trials. I don't think it's His modus operandi for all our growth and learning. But trials seem to be the route we often have to take to get to the results God has in mind for us. Trials come. We go through them. We kick and scream or cry or agonize. But God is not singing a happy tune the whole time, relishing our pain. He may just be singing a calming soothing tune, like I do to Harry, to help us as we go through the trial.


Let's get to the other side of this trial, shall we?- the Lord says. He is not going to leave us as orphans in a storm. He is not going to enjoy watching us agonize or struggle. He's not a Sadist. He is the Lord of the Harvest. He has fruit in mind. Beautiful fruit. Wonderful outcomes. Lasting joy. And I've got to keep that in mind...especially in the midst of any trial.

It's Right Under Your Nose

Our son, away at college, misses home- but not that much. He's enjoying his life down south, his classes, his social times with friends. I couldn't be happier about his happiness. As he approaches the end of his freshman year at college, it's clear he is in the right place, he sees that he is, and we are all feeling the results of that truth: peace, contentment, a sense of satisfaction and relief and thanksgiving to God.

Sometimes you can tell what is making you happy. Sometimes you don't know what is causing your unhappiness and frustration. And sometimes things are good- but you just don't realize it- and the answer is right under your nose.

I was so touched by this Scripture passage I was reading this morning because Jesus is lamenting over His people not seeing, not realizing, what they have when they have it. He's their Answer. He's their Prince of Peace. And yet they missed this truth. He cries out to the city,"..."If you had known in this day, even you, the things which make for peace! But now they have been hidden from your eyes" (Luke 19:42).

What makes for peace in your life? For me, it's a day when my dog is not disturbed and causing problems, my daughter's home school lessons are going smoothly, my bills are paid, my creativity is unleashed and my possibilities are still open, my future looks bright, my health is good, my loved ones are well,... I guess it does take a lot to make me happy! Maybe happiness isn't the word, but it does seem to take a strong combination of things to give me a real sense of peace and well being.

Or I could just focus on the Lord, and see Him for who He is and Where He is in my life - which is everywhere- and take a deep breath and feel so blessed about what I know, what I really know.

What do you know, right now, about what brings you peace? What do you see in front of you- and what don't you see? Because the reason I ask this is that I'm starting to realize there are many things I haven't been seeing yet they have been right in front of me. And apparently this is an age-old problem that humans have. We're slow to perceive the blessing and the presence of God. Jerusalem, the city of God's favor, missed the greatest Eternal Favor of all time: Jesus Christ Himself sent to be their Redeemer.

It's one thing to sort of see something, it's another thing to absolutely know it and therefore you live as though you know this truth. That's what that word means in the verse "If only you had known...". And the things which lead to peace, quietness, and inner well being and a sense of rest and relief from anxiety- well, these things are all wrapped up in One being. He is Our Peace.
He brings us peace. The things which lead to peace are not hard to find. He is not hard to find.

And that's what I'm seeing, right in front of me, today. That's Who is knocking at the door of my heart- and I see Him, and I'm taking a deep breath of peace. It feels good.

I"m Certain of This

I told my husband over coffee, this morning, that he wasn't as good a listener as he used to be. He sipped his coffee, listening to my little rant, and said nothing.

"See? That's what I mean!" I said with a bit of exasperation in my voice. (Okay, more than a bit). "You used to comment more on what I commented on. I need your feedback. I feel like I know more of what I'm thinking if you comment on what I'm thinking 'cause then I can see if what I'm thinking is clear and sound or if it's crazy."

You're probably thinking to yourself, That poor man- what he has to put up with! But really, this guy knew exactly what he was getting into 20 something years ago because I was this verbal and this overly analytical when he knew me then!

I like to hear what my husband is thinking about what I'm thinking. He's very sound and sensible, and he's slow to speak but when he says something, he means it.

I always thought that the Apostle Paul was kind of like this too. But lately I've been seeing him in a whole new light. People who know God can know His will, but that doesn't mean we know the Whole will of God and are cognizant of it at every moment. Our minds would split open if that were the case because God's will is overwhelming...for us , not for Him.

I was reading in 1 Corinthians 16 about the collection of money for the Christians in Jerusalem, and was looking at Paul's instructions when I started to note something interesting. As spiritual and strong in the Lord as Paul was, he was still a man, and therefore he was often in the dark about God's will even when he was walking in the light.

Notice the wording here from verse 4 through 7: "And if it seems appropriate...I am planning to travel through Macedonia... It could be that I will stay a while, perhaps all winter... I want to come and stay awhile if the Lord will let me...". If you feel like commenting under your breath, Make up your mind, Paul- don't worry. That's what I felt like doing too.

Making up your mind about what you are doing and where you are going and if God wants you to do something, is a another aspect of God's will- His forward looking will. There's the sense of God's will for you today: don't lose your temper, give grace, be slow to anger, be abounding in love. That's God's will for you right now.

But then there's also the sense of what is God's will for you tomorrow and next year? Because you have to make certain choices in life that affect the rest of your life ( choice of college, choice of career, choice of spouse, choice of friends) you do need to know God's will. As we can see in this 1 Corinthians 16 passage, Paul seemed a bit fuzzy on what and where he would be next week and next year. But the good news is that I don't think he made those fuzzy sounding statements with a heart of anxiety and fear.

God will make it clear ...where you need to be next year.

God will make a way...when you feel you can't even make it through today.

I can say those statements with certainty- even if I am uncertain about what He will do and what He wants for you- as far as particulars. It just could be that He wants you to feel as uncertain as you do about what you will do- but certain of His love and His will to guide you.

I am planning to write more on this subject...if it seems appropriate. It could be that I will write more tomorrow...or perhaps the next day. I'm not sure yet.

But whatever I eventually decide to do, however meandering a path I take, or however uncertain I feel, I'm certain of this: God WILL make a way. And I'm also certain of this: today is a good day to KNOW that you can know not only His will, but the God of Heaven and Earth, Himself- Savior, Way Maker, Everlasting Father, Almighty God.

The Hardest and Easiest Thing to Do

Mu, my dear friend, says I've gotten a little flabby in my writing here. "Where's all that angst, agony, and anguish? Where's the deep ponderings and philosophical musings you usually share?"
she asked me over lunch the other day.

"I'm happy," I said as I took a big bite of my grilled panini with chicken breast, yellow peppers, and other colorful ingredients that should, right now, be making your mouth water.

"Can't you be happy and still write deep things?" she asked.

I took another bite, thought about it, and said, "Nope. Don't think so."

When you're happy, you're relaxed. And when you're relaxed you do things like note the color of flowers, eat grilled paninis with your mouth overjoyed, wiggle your toes and think about painting them, and marvel about how good it is to be alive.

When you're not happy,...well, that's when you agonize, maybe strategize more intensely or pray more intensely. You wail or you hold back tears or you sit alone and welcome the darkness.

Of course, there is a happy medium between the two. It's just that I'm not sure most of us live in that Happy Medium as a normal routine.

Lately I sense that I'm in the center of God's will- and it's not because I'm giving thousands to charity (I'd like to) or that I've gone on long long prayer walks or that I've fasted for a week, or that I've been so pious and good that I know for sure God thinks highly of me and therefore will favor me. No, it's more because I've been finding out that being in God's will isn't all that hard.

In a nutshell, here's the big things God, I think, wants us to do:

Love, Give, Live, Forgive.

And also Eat, Weep, and Keep... the Faith.

God's will isn't easy- but it's not impossible. It's not for the faint of heart, certainly- but it's not for the heroic, bold, and herculean of us, because really, is anybody all that strong? Is there anybody who is immune from doubt, weakness, fear? We wrestle. We struggle. We overcome.

We eat our evening meal, hopefully with a thankful heart. We weep when we feel broken- or we notice someone who is hurting and broken, and our heart goes out to them. We keep on keeping on. Eat, weep, Keep.

We love- and sometimes have to ask God to help us remember what love is. We give- and hopefully more and more with a willing heart. We live- and if we are graced with powerful acute sense of timing, we remember that LIFE is now, and it's for the living, and it's a gift. And we forgive, over and over- and if it isn't over and over, then we know something needs to change in us. Love, Give, Live, Forgive.

Yes, it's good to be in God's will, and to know that straying from His will is not a good thing. A bit of fear that we'll miss God's will is good. But a bit of joy that we can, most definitely, be in His will, is good also.

So, I'm happy. Hope you are too. My eyes are looking up. My knees might start trembling cause I am only human. But my heart is yearning to be on fire with Faith.

It's good to be alive.

Quote for the Day

"Faithfulness to Jesus means that I must step out even when and where I can't see anything...faithfulness to my own ideas means that I first clear the way mentally. Faith, however, is not intellectual understanding; faith is a deliberate commitment to the Person of Jesus Christ, even when I can't see the way ahead."

Oswald Chambers MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST 3/28 (italics mine)


It's that when and where that always get me! How about you?

The M Word

With the house on the market, I have never been cleaner and neater. Things are rather sparkling and orderly around here, and it's amazing how it affects your spirit. Not that I'm going to quote that Cleanliness is next to Godliness, but I will say that order is a lot better than chaos- and I think God would agree with that.

Every time we have a showing, though, whatever project I'm involved with has to be suddenly packed up and hidden away behind closet doors. I can't get into any big baking binges, with flour flying everywhere, or start a sudden overhaul of my bedroom closet. No, I've got to maintain order and cleanliness- and maintenance hasn't never been one of my "things".

I love to start projects and I'm never at a loss for ideas. I'm even pretty adept at ending things and walking away from unhealthy relationships or involvements. But maintaining something is a whole 'nother story. Maintenance is boring. At least in my mind it is.

That's why I'm in awe at how God maintains the world. I'm astounded at how He deals with our constant prayers rising up to Him. He maintains and sustains us- and from what I understand, He isn't bored or irked by having to do this.

I see this beautiful characteristic in my husband, Mr. Steady Eddy. He really is good at maintenance- of all kinds. He stays on top of all the household fixing and repairing and updating- even while doing this for a living and taking care of so many other people's house projects. He doesn't seem to tire of all that has to be maintained here at home base.

I could almost get a little down on my own lack of perseverance and steadiness, except that the other day my daughter reminded me of a type of maintenance I apparently do that I never realized I did. Abby hadn't been feeling all that well the other day and I busied myself with making hot tea for her, plumping her pillows, rubbing her back, brushing the hair away from her flushed cheeks.

"Mom, you take such good care of me," she murmured. I thought nothing of that statement at first because I know she said it out of gratitude. But I thought about it later and realized how when we're motivated by love, we can maintain and sustain the ones we love with no thought to the work involved. There's a cost to our labor. There's time involved. There's sacrifice. Yes to all that. But we're not thinking I must maintain this person as we are bent over their bed and putting a washcloth on their forehead. We're thinking, Oh, the poor thing, I hope she feels better, how I hate to see her suffer.

And so it makes me think that there's a whole lot more to Maintenance than I realized. Maybe Auto Mechanics who service our cars and Lawn Mowing Services who tackle overgrown yards and Groomers who clip our matted dogs- maybe all these people are doing a bit more than maintenance. Maybe they're loving and serving and helping out in mundane routine tasks that God sees as tasks of kindness, service, and love.

I just felt like saluting anyone who does a routine job involving maintenance of some kind. You might not get thanked much for what you do. You might not get a lot of praise. But today my eyes are opened wide to the magnitude of what you do and the partnership you have with God who loves and sustains and maintains us so well that we often forget the wonder of that beautiful M word.

At the Car Wash

Continuing on with paradoxes and the problems and peculiarities associated with paradoxes, Harry desperately needs to go to the groomer- and the groomer is the last place he should go right now. Harry is too anxious to be separated from me for even one moment. I know this for a fact. The way Harry handles problems is to completely reveal how upset he is in whatever way seems natural to him. That's all I'll say there. He's a wreck.

But he's always been a sensitive dog. That's why he had three owners and one foster mother before he came to be our sweet furry boy. Sensitive dogs (and people) need sensitivity. And Life just doles out punches, kicks, hard times, good times, anxious times, Instability. Harry feels unstable. Yet he's matted, needs a good bath and a complete clipping- and he'd need to go to that dreaded place, the groomers, to get it all done.

Hmmm. What should I do? I'm tempted to ask the pet store where he goes to get clipped if I could leave him in the grooming room, yet croon a soothing tune to him over the store loudspeaker and see if my voice keeps him calm enough to bear the unbearable.

I got my car oil changed yesterday, and that means my car got a free car wash at the same time. I just love the place where I take my car- they made it so easy to get routine work done on your car by sweetening the venture with free hot coffee, news on the overhead T.V. in the waiting room, and then a free car wash after your oil is changed. I always watch the car go through the different stations and never tire of the seeing the process of something grimy transforming into something sparkling clean.

The last small chunk of snow in my front yard is about to disappear today. The sun is out and it should get warm enough today (in the 40's?) to melt that last bit of winter away. I feel like a kid again with all the possibilities that Spring brings. I hope to impart that sense of hope and excitement to Harry- enough to get him through the process of being transformed, himself, from smelly matted dog to the clipped little lamb that he is. At least in my eyes he is. I see him for the sweet sensitive soul that he is.

What we have to go through in order to become sweet smelling and beautiful may be a bit arduous. I think of the different brushes and cleaning wands and hanging cloths at the car wash whirling around and soaping and buffeting the car and then buffing it until its clean and I can feel like that car at times. There can be an agony and an angst as all this buffing and cleaning and purifying goes on.

Perhaps as we go through the process of getting cleaned up, God delights in not only seeing what emerges in the end, but in how beautiful the process, in and of itself, is. It's called Transformation. Redemption. Renewal. Hope.

And if we can see this process as a beautiful one, it just might be because we can hear God's voice whispering to us, or even singing to us over the heavenly loudspeaker, even as we're getting buffeted and cleaned and blessed enough to come out of the mess into the Son shine.

Home Base

You get a lot of paradoxes when you hang out with someone like me. I'm a homebody, and I'm a nomad. I'm a Christian and yet I'm sure that I don't have all the answers... at all. I'm ready for a challenge, and I dig my heels in, often, and hold back. What can I say? This is how it is when you're growing and changing and yet you are human- and therefore you hold to old patterns, though you say you don't want to.

The biggest of ironies in my life is that I've moved so many times. I was- and still am- the biggest homebody. Growing up, I loved being home, upstairs in my room, reading book after book, and dreaming of travels and adventures and life in an English boarding school. (For some reason the fascination with the English started early in my life. The obsession with tea time and old china came later in my twenties).

My Mom was my biggest comfort and my constant companion. I loved being home with her. Home was home base- and I rarely traveled out from home base unless I was pushed. Good ole Dad had to do that for me: encourage me as I contemplated going off to college, and push me out of the nest to go off to Spain and travels through Europe when I was 20 years old (almost chickened out and didn't go- but Dad told me I did want to go, and so I did. What an adventure and experience that was!).

Then I married a man who took different pastorates all over New England (those were small moves, in my mind) and then got into house remodeling- and that's when I experienced even more moving around. Yes it got wearying and stressful, but it was also exhilarating- the experience of transforming a house, moving in, moving out, moving onward. You just never knew what you'd be experiencing next. That was my life. That is my life.

I'm still a homebody. And I'm still a nomad- a rather reluctant one, but I sometimes forget that. I've got Adventure in my blood, now. I've got a bit more courage to work with, and a sense that things are not supposed to be staid and even and routine. God doesn't have a staid bone in His body! (metaphorically speaking) so why should I?

I can sound confident, but I am still just a little sparrow, hanging around close to Home. Thankfully Home is where God's heart beats and His embrace is felt- and that means Home can be just about anywhere. "Even the sparrow has found a home, And the swallow a nest for herself, Where she may lay her young— Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts, My King and my God"(Ps 84).

I always wondered why sparrows, in particular, were referenced in this verse. So I looked up the history and habitat of sparrows and found out that there are all kinds of sparows. There's the House Sparrow, the Song Sparrow, the Chipping Sparrow.... Sparrows are the most familiar, of birds, and they're primarily seed-eaters. Some do scavenge for food and as Wikipedia cites, they "will happily eat virtually anything in small quantities".

That's how I try to handle the changes in my life that come from moving onward. I try to only gulp down a bit at a time and I stay under God's comforting guiding hand while doing so. The biggest assurance I have is that God knows I can't handle a lot of change and stress without constant reassurance and lots of love that only comes when you're home based.

Look at this Scripture passage in another version and see how the underlying references to Home and Travel and pilgrimage come alive:

^1-2 What a beautiful home, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I've always longed to live in a place like this, Always dreamed of a room in your house,
where I could sing for joy to God-alive!
^3-4 Birds find nooks and crannies in your house,
sparrows and swallows make nests there.
They lay their eggs and raise their young,
singing their songs in the place where we worship.
God-of-the-Angel-Armies! King! God!
How blessed they are to live and sing there!
^5-7 And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,
discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!
God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and
at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!

If it's true that God travels these roads ahead of us and points out the surprising cool springs that spring up at the end of a dusty trail, then though it can often feel like I'm a nomad going through a desert, I am, in fact, as safe as a Homebody who has never left Home. God's with me. How blessed are "all those in whom you live, whose lives become roads you travel".

So it's Onward and Upward. It's traveling out into the unknown- and yet never leaving Home. I like that.

I guess you could call me a brave wandering nomad and a happy little sparrow, all at the same time.

Nomads - and the God Who Leads Them

Harry's not doing well, lately. It could be he has an ear infection, or it could be he's upset due to all the commotion of getting the house ready for showings. We're selling the house and we're moving...but we haven't decided where, exactly, we are moving to. (We've done this before- don't worry. I think we have nomadic blood).

D o we want to do another fixer upper? (We've done...hmmm, let's see, five...six of them so far. Now that Bill is doing a big remodeling job for a client, it's got him hankerin' for another big project of his own). Do we want to move down the street? To the town next door and switch school systems? Or do we want to try a move down south again- because perhaps we really are southeners at heart and just don't know it yet? We may have many months to decide in this slower market, and that's fine with me.

Stay tuned to find out what we do, where we go. It's all a mystery right now. These are the kind of mysteries I like. The kind where there is an unfolding of a plan, a sleuthing out of God's hand (where might His blessing be? What is God pointing to, specifically, in our life?) and an answer at the end. A good Answer.

I'm ready for another challenge, and particularly the kind where my husband puts his hands and his carpentry skills to a house and in a year it looks like a completely different place. Obviously it's not a great Real Estate market right now, but in my mind its always a good time to update, remodel, make brighter and bigger and more beautiful. I think God Himself is "into" renovation and remodeling and building. It's just that He is a Foundation specialist at heart, and we forget that. You've got to get your foundation right or everything else will be wrong. Shaky. Prone to crumbling.

So combine the fresh smell of Spring in the air with the idea of moving onward and add to that not knowing exactly where you're going and you get a real good sense of the adventure I'm having. Some days its all so exhilarating. And some days its overwhelming.

And on those overwhelming days , when Harry is anxious and needs me to calm him down, we cuddle on the couch and I drink some hot tea, and I take a deep breath and tell Harry in my most soothing convincing voice, "Everything will be okay". He believes me. I believe God. And that's how it's got to be when Life is an adventure and God is at the helm of your ship.

Signs of Spring

Today is Friday the thirteenth and its a fabulous day. Forget superstitions and stuff like that. Blessings are much more agreeable to the soul and there are plenty of blessings to be found... everywhere.

I can't tell you how much I am anticipating Spring. Almost everything about this past winter was long and dark and draining. It's not just the Economy and depressing daily news and the cold and the ice. It's all that combined together and then the lack of fun, fellowship, silly times, light hearted times. You need all of that too. At least I do.

And for some reason it seems easier to laugh and smile and let little grievances go when the sun is shining down on you and the breezes are light and fragrant. New Yorkers become almost pleasant in the Spring time. We even let the car ahead of us get in line without a fuss...when its sunny and warm.

My brother Mark, the gardener, is definitely ready for Spring time- and not because he found the winter long and hard. I mean that he is ready for it as in prepared for it. His little seedlings are already sprouting and the little miniature lemon tree he has is already sprouting the beginning of a tiny little Meyer lemon.

I wish I had a green thumb. If I could grow green things and make them thrive under my care, I would feel like an Earth Mama. But as it is, I watch all that growing with such awe and reverence. It's in the spring time that I remember that growing things is a gift, an art, a joy, a grace.

I'm going to do my best to make God smile today because I am growing in His grace. I hope He sees me as a little green shoot sprouting up from the rich soil of His love. I don't feel all that strong and I don't think I look like all that promising. But I'm convinced He is the Master Gardener and it's always Spring time with Him. There are always favorable breezes and constant Son shine with Him, and there has never been a better time to spring up and reach out to Him with gratefulness and joy cause you're alive under His watchful care.

Survival and Elegance

I think it was Maya Angelou who said "Surviving is important, but thriving is elegant". I'm not sure how elegant I look (or feel) lately, but I do prefer thriving when given the choice between the two. It's just Winter seems bent on taking that elegance from our life.

Take shoes, for example. I generally wear a rather ugly wool covered pair of Merrells with rubber bottoms- not so that I'll look elegant, but so that I don't fall when I'm walking through slush and ice and snow. Now that the snow has melted some, and there's just a bit of that gray salt-crusted mess lingering on the curbs, I may not have to wear my trusted all weather shoes anymore. But I doubt I'll go straight to colorful high heels. I'll need something to get me from survival-in-winter to elegance-in-Spring.

I'm also trying to get through a book (I normally have no trouble reading through something quickly) not because the book isn't well written but because its painful, profoundly moving, troubled and filled with tension. If you want to read a book that will stir your soul and provoke you, take a look at Mary DeMuth's latest release, Daisy Chain.

There is nothing elegant and breezy about the book. Instead, you might say its about survival and secrets, about what we do to survive, about not wanting to survive when life is too dark and troubled to bear. It's agonizing. And it's a beautiful book in spite of all that agony.

Right now I'm just trying to not always deal with agonizing things, though. There is a time to wrestle through dark and difficult subjects. There's definitely a time to face the fury and the ugliness of certain truths in our past. But there's also a time to dance and sing.

I'm not at that latter point of dancing and singing all the time, yet, but I'd like to be. I'd like to be picking flowers and frolicking in an open field- and looking elegant and feeling as elegant as a woman does when a new day has dawned.

Life is a Highway

I wasn't planning on writing so infrequently but things have been busy. And busy is good. I've enjoyed the activity that comes when opportunity comes. And opportunity is sometimes disguised. You can't always tell when a mundane task will turn into something more.

Here's a little verse I've been thinking about lately, and I especially like the CEV version of it:

With all your heart

you must trust the LORD

and not your own judgment.

Always let him lead you,

and he will clear the road

for you to follow. Prov 3:5

Here's to cleared roads ahead!