Friday, May 15, 2009

Alive and Kicking

What a week! Yesterday was the first day I did not have a doctor's visit scheduled for my son, Alex. This was a scary Asthma attack- the worst he's had in a long time. But the strangest thing about this stressful week was that it was also blissful. Really.

Part of the bliss was that our family was together. Having our son home from college- even if he was very sick and half out of it, at times- was like finding something that I had lost and didn't know I lost. I missed my son this year- terribly. And I didn't know how much I missed him; didn't know how much our home needed him here to make us all feel alive and together and blessed.

So yes- my week was blessed and stressed. But as he got better, day by day, my joy increased. Our laughter rang out. Harry, the couch potato that he is, got even more relaxed. The house got messier. Our schedule revolved around asthma treatments and medicine and cooking the most nutritious meals I could think of. And our home swelled with love.

Now, don't think I'm forgetting how much my son turns me gray! He still likes to push the envelope, stress me out, assert his individuality, stay up late, play his music loud. But you might say I am also going through a new stage in my life, in my faith: I am launching out into the deep, radically choosing right things for me, purposefully carving out a path that I would want to stay on and not just try out temporarily. I'm asserting myself, too- and I might just blast my music loudly!

I've been taking deep breaths and sighing with contentment lately. There's a sense of God's goodness all around me that I am more aware of than I ever have before. And the opportunity to choose Good, choose well and choose wisely, is before me in clear sight. There's a lot of things I have to make decisions about, but I am not feeling that stressed about these choices.

So while my college-aged son may live life loud and messily this summer, he is also going to have a mom who is feeling her youth being renewed, her stamina recharged, her sense of adventure whetted and ignited. Life is for the living. I'm alive and well. And more than that, I'm glad that I am.

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