I slept well, last night, for the first night this week. Bill is not coughing as much anymore and therefore I am sleeping better. He is becoming stronger and more like his usual self: the humor is returning, the joking and the teasing are starting again. I used to really get irritated by all that, but then I realized I need to be provoked into laughter. I need to not take myself so seriously.
I've been reading Beth Moore's book, Get Out of that Pit. Here and there, as I read, I'll catch a glimpse of myself, my chronic battle, and the things I fight. "The close confinement of a pit exhausts us with the endless echo of self-absorption...We can't see out, so we turn our sights in. After a while, nearsightedness breeds hopelessness. We feel too buried in our present state to feel passionate about a promised future."
When we battle some inner demons- whether its depression, worry, anxiety- we often are battling from a point of looking inward, looking down, and looking even at our past. But when we realize that we are in a pit, and that a pit is not supposed to be our permanent abode- we get mad and that fires up our soul. We get provoked to a perspective that includes the possibility of blue sky, new horizons, potential victory. Even laughter itself is a type of weapon. When you laugh you are telling the enemy of your soul that you are not at all riled up about his assault. When you laugh, you are looking heavenward, and you can see the power of God. You can almost feel it and you anticipate it.
Today I want to walk in the knowledge that His power is available for me. More than available. It has my name on it. God has designed powerful strategies for overcoming, and He wants me to know them, use them.
He wants me to remind my mom of this today. She's battling depression. And on top of that, she physically is more encumbered than I am- her body is old, her bones are brittle. But that can't be the determining factor of what she gets to enjoy. I'm going to lie down on the bed next to my mom and tell her that I've been feeling old and weary too. I lost perspective about some things. And then I'm going to hold her hand and pray that we can both know His power in our lives- even if His power shows up in a different way for her than it will for me. What does God's power at work in our life accomplish? I don't know, exactly. It's always something new, bigger, bolder than I could have imagined. I don't think I'm supposed to know how far we can go with God's power at work in us.
It doesn't matter if it's a deep pit you're in, or a tomb (as in Jesus' case)- there will be a Resurrection. Power to get out of the pit. Resurrection power. That's the lifeblood of our soul. It isn't just getting out of the pit that we have to concern ourselves with- it's going beyond the pit to the mountain top vantage point that helps us see how we have eagle's wings. We have so much more than we realized. That same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in me, in you- and we don't know the half of it. We're just touching the hem of His garment and already we are emboldened, brightened, and ready to follow Him onward.