Friday, October 24, 2008

What We Will Be

This morning I could not settle down with my journal and my thoughts. I penned a few words and then stopped. I stared at Harry and wondered why he is prancing around so much lately, why he suddenly wants to play, now, more than he ever has. He has turned from couch potato into Mr. Frolic and Fun- and just at a time in my life when I feel as interesting as a cold pancake left on a plate.

So I skimmed through my old journals, forgetting that this always jars me. I hate to remember so vividly what I struggled with. I hate to look back and see how things floored me, when I know they should have sailed right over my head with me smiling and saying, "Oh, I'll just let God deal with that." I hate to see how I struggled to just get trusting before God and open to the people He brought into my life. The Introvert in me rears her head loudly in my journal.

Is there such a thing as the sin of guardedness? Cause I think I may have trouble with this. I am not an easily trusting person. And while I may quickly smile at you if we meet for the first time, that doesn't mean I am open to getting to know you. It's nothing personal. It's that I'm guarded. Very very guarded. Like I have a sentry posted about my heart and they've been ordered to shoot if anything invades this delicate area.

If the fact that I am a Christian as well as guarded seems like a conflict of interests, it is. I know that. God is interested in loving the world through me. I am interested in not getting hurt, not getting walked on, not getting used.So this is a problem. For me. Not for God. Because He tells me continually that I have no right to be guarded, not since I gave my life to Him.

But if you were once guarded and now you know Him, what should you then be? Free as a bird when it comes to loving people and trusting them? Vulnerable and naive as a two year old prancing out into a busy road, unaware of the opposing nature of the cars racing toward her? Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. 1 Jn 3:2.

So I'm sharing this with you just so that you, dear reader, don't give me too much credit for sharing what I do with you here on this blog. I've been honest about what I write but I still have been guarded and reserved. I like to call it being wise and prudent. But God has been telling me, lately, that I'm just being guarded. Selfish. That I need to open up and stretch further when I share what I do. That's called giving of yourself.

And I intend to practise this new understanding I have of "Give, and it shall be given unto you". In fact, I am going to get radical about giving of myself, being open to new relationships, new ventures with people I have yet to meet (Deep breath here). This may cause changes in my blog, and maybe changes in who reads my blog. But it won't change the fact that God has always been the radical One when it comes to loving people and giving His all for them. I'm just trying to keep up with Him as He opens His arms, wide, to the world.

4 comments:

Mike said...

Hmmm. You are courageous in being so honest. I think guardedness isn't necessarily a sin. As you say, sometimes it's wise to hold things close to our heart. But sometimes, I agree, we need to just open up because it's going to help someone out. Blessings :)

Wes Morris said...

I too have been feeling a call(?) from God to contribute more to help people. My wife is the one of us who knows (it seems) everyone's name, but if it were not for her, I would not meet many people at all.

Gi said...

Amen

That's why we have the Holy Spirit, even as we open up, our spirit will be quicken when things are not what they might seem to be.

Step out in faith, depending on Him always

~Robin said...

good honesty
and I applaud your good use of wisdom and discretion in not totally putting everything out there-in my view anyway.
You seem good at using what you feel free to share to encourage others, however if you have a check in your spirit its always best not to. Some things are best kept between you & the Lord...but then, you already know that;)
youre a blessing...and ya got me thinkin' today.
hugs~