I really felt the most frustrated with my teenage son, but I don't even want to go there. Let's just say I am constantly aware of Life's challenges and responsibilities and I do not see that he is. In fact it irks me when I am exhausted and concerned about so many details so that everyone's life can be enhanced- and he is barely covering the basic details of his own existence. But it all comes down to perspective, I guess. I could have a son who is wild, out of control, and off doing God only knows what. Instead I have a son who is ....maturing. Maturity, or call it Inner Growth, takes time.
So I calmed down a bit, rested on my bed, and watched the new T.V. reality show about the competing choirs led by famous stars, such as Patti Labelle. Boy, can that woman belt it out. As I watched her choir sing, and saw the recap of the first song, it was like having a rousing worship experience. My deflated spirit got pumped up again. I saw my own emotional exhaustion and my worries for what they were- and was able to recognize how off kilter I got. I needed to repent. I needed to apologize.
Abby came in my room and flopped next to me. She chatted with me about her vacation week and who she wanted to get together with. I turned to her and tried to assess if I had traumatized her with my outburst at the table.
"Abby, I'm sorry for the outburst. I was wrong to act that way, " I told her, with my eyes down on the patterned comforter.
"What outburst?" she asked me.
"The one at dinner," I replied, puzzled that she seemed to not know what I was talking about.
"Oh, that," she said. "That wasn't even a bad one Mom. I've seen worse."
Apparently I've made progress- although I'm not sure if her perspective of my behavior is an accurate indicator of how well I am doing. I have one child who constantly extends grace to me, and another child (a young man) who causes me to need grace, and grace more abundantly.
"And great grace was upon them all" is the fragment of the verse that comes to mind (Acts 4:33). The disciples preached the resurrection of Christ AND great grace was upon them, as well.
"The doctrine preached was the resurrection of Christ;... which being duly explained, was a summary of all the duties, privileges, and comforts of Christians. There were evident fruits of Christ's grace in all they said and did," says Matthew Henry's commentary.
I need to remember not just the duties we have in this life- our work and our labor, the raising of our children, the labor of our soul in prayer, but also the comfort and the privilege I have to know a God who can refuel me when I'm low, infuse me with strength, and give me grace to go on again in an attitude of joy and expectation of His good.
There's a canopy of grace over me, but I think I feel the touch of grace deep down inside me, as well. On top of that deep inner assurance, I hear the tidings of Comfort and Joy.
I'm off again, humming that song, and so thankful for it.