Books, Books, and more Books

Books....from the library, in big piles. I carry them to the car with a greedy smile. No one realizes I almost, literally, feast on words--and that some words are precious to the soul, fortifying. Undergirding-- which is a word you seldom hear.

I reflected on Psalm 37 all day. Beautiful words. And more than that, you feel God upholding you as you read; telling you, "Now, see? This is the way to look at your situation. Trust in me. Don't fret. Let Me handle it." Now those are words to take you through the day.

Books... that I'm writing; a second one in the works. The first one, a novel, that I marvel at still-- it rushed out of me in four and half months. I've had one Agent offer of representation, and though we almost matched in our goals, I declined. I look crazy, I know- but I didn't have peace about the contract, you see. And without peace, I'll stumble. I'll draw back, freeze up. So I'm still searching for the right agent. Trying to stay patient.

Books....that I'm reading. Getting ready to review. Jane Austen lovers- get ready! Those looking for some devotional depth, I've got a very interesting book coming my way and it'll get reviewed here. Books of all kinds, stories, words that will evoke a spark in us. And we need a bit of fire now that we're in the dead of winter.

Make a fire. Brew some tea. Draw close...and read.

So You Think You Will Dance?

Maybe it's because he's seen my mother , his grandmother, so shaky and frail that he got a bit alarmed at what happens as we age. Or maybe my son is going to be a future fitness tyrant enthusiastically barking out orders to flabby flailing people trying to get in shape. Whatever the reason, Alex has decided that I must get in shape; that my bones are weak, my muscles minuscule, and nothing will change about this unless he helps me.

Help me, he does. He texts me throughout the day, "Have you done your exercises? Have you done your push ups?".

I text him back- "Leave me alone. I'm reading". And I smile, shake my head, get up, and then drop- and do 10 push ups.

Ah, the joys of doing what you should do- because someone is making you do it.

I'm glad, though, that he's gotten me into this daily habit. I feel stronger. I'm flexing my little arm muscles a lot and gleaming with joy over my accomplishment. I am woman. I am strong. I am under house arrest if I don't do my exercises.

At least I can accomplsih this. Even if I can't navigate the career path, the Path to Your Success- at least I can become less flabby and more firm, resolute, fixed on being a muscular mom and not a marshmallow of a thing that ages more rapidly than I should.

I'm exercising. I'm working out. And it only happened because someone made me do it. Someone harassed and hounded me to do it- and it was for my sake that my son did all that prodding. It's for my good. The more I work out, and see the results, the more I'm glad I'm doing it.

I think that this happens a lot, in our lives. Sometimes we start doing something we never intended to do. We wound up doing it because someone intervened, the circumstances became such that we had to, or we were given a loving push off the cliff and found out we could...fly. Or rejoice, if we had to. That's what the prophet Habakkuk tells us.

^{3: 17,18} Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Because of the devastation due to the Babylonian invasion, this was a bleak time for the believers. I think of the devastating economy and unemployment figures and notices of plants closing and I think, yes, it seems like an invasion. Bad news poured in and pillaged our land. Nothing is blossoming and blooming- like it used to.

And then we read the prophet saying, "YET...". Yet will I rejoice. And more than that, he says, "I will joy in the God of my salvation." Literally, it translates out to something like "I will dance for joy in the God of my salvation."

I've seen people holding signs, "Will work for food" when I've visited spots in the inner city, and even when I was living in Spain, years ago. The things we will do- when we're hungry. When we're out of luck, out of hope.

But in this passage, it's like the prophet is saying, "Things are bad. They're so bad and so bleak, that I'm out of hope. YET, I'm that desperate for a morsel of goodness, a mouthful of sweet sustenance, that I'll do anything. I could say, 'Will work for food'- but there's none to be had. So instead, I'll declare, 'Will dance for joy'- cause I may just need joy more than anything else."

I consider doing this. I think of how I've been working out... for the sake of getting muscles. And then I think, no, that's not right. I've been working out for love's sake. My son cares about me. He worries about me getting old and frail and falling. He wants me to be strong. So he prods me to work for muscles. Work out for strength. So I do. I post a sign as I start exercising: "Aging woman. Will work for muscles. "

Then I put on some loud boisterous music and stretch out some more, take a deep breath and exhale. I look up. Heavenward. I post another sign- that I want God to read. "Tired Christian. Will Dance for Joy."

And then I start dancing with great expectation at what will come next.

Ta-Da!!

Sometimes when you wearily ask God to point out a way, where there seems to be no way, He does something different instead: He gives you a moment of refreshment so that you can get back on track. Cause you find out, later, that you're doing just fine- it's just that you were getting a bit stale and worn.

I have been feeling, lately, about as creative as a turtle going through menopause. Sluggish. Slow. Unenlightened.

And then I get this award. (Sigh). It's beautiful. Undeserved, I think, but certainly appreciated. Just what I needed.

And the fact that the award itself- the design and the color- is so much up my alley of what I love, decorating style-wise, makes me think how much God wanted to cheer me up. (I'd love to walllpaper my bedroom in that pink toile-like pattern in the award).

Thank you, C. Nick at A Provision of God . I am touched and smiling inside. And feeling creative again.

Okay, now I have to list 7 things that I love and then pass the award along to 7 of my fellow bloggers.

THINGS I LOVE:

1. When God surprises me with a big, fat, huge YES when I was expecting a No.
2. When someone says "I understand"- and they really do.
3. A foot rub with peppermint lotion
4. Pizza Night with my family
5. Reading a Good Book that takes me into another world and returns me to my own with increased hope and understanding
6. When someone stands up for someone in need, at the risk of their own comfort
7. Inner Peace (Peace like a river)

Now this is the part of getting an award that always gets to me. I hate to select only a few people to receive something that many people deserve to get.

Can I do it this way? Can I expand the award base?

I'd like to pass this award on to the 38 Readers ("Followers") listed on my side panel here. These readers, of their own volition, chose to follow the postings here on Faith Fuel. They're like fragrant pineapple-scented chewing gum that sticks to you- and I'm glad they've stuck to Faith Fuel and want to follow what happens here.

So each of you Blog FOLLOWERS, please receive this award and post the 7 things you love. Let's visit their blogs and get to know each other more! These are some of the Followers of this blog:

Kelly's Ideas
K.Frangeskos, Jesus Knows You Best
Jeremy Belter, Fitness in the Fast Lane
Shanchere, The Cracker Lady

and more ...............................................................................................>>>>>

Have fun visiting these great people. And thanks again, C. Nick. Now I'm off to have a very creative, fruitful, inspiring day!!

Quote for the Week

"The word progress comes from the Latin progredi, which means 'to step forward'. Life is not about being perfect; it's about having the courage to move forward one step at a time."

-Noah St. John, Author

Remembering What Counts

What a day. 9/11 is a day Americans will never forget, but it's also a day we don't particularly want to remember. Nobody wants to call upon sad or bad memories, painful times, days of trouble and scarring just for the sake of remembering Pain. But for some, a bad memory or sad memory is still a way to link with someone you loved; its still a way to stay in touch with someone you lost.

Last night we were able to do some kind of video-cam thing on the computer where we could see our son and talk to him at the same time. The reception was a bit choppy and we sometimes missed each other's words, but the gist of our conversation was there. My son looked well and there was nothing like looking into those dark eyes of his and seeing life. He is loving what he is learning and I have to say- so am I.

I am learning that sometimes we go through a long rough period in the trenches where we are fighting a battle of some kind, and then when God takes you out of the trenches and gives you a leave of duty from the battle, you find yourself feeling a bit out of sorts. You think you were trained only for war (and Scripture does tell us that He trains our hands for war), and you forget that He also trains you to be quiet and at rest, and maybe I would add - a bit bored. Not that I always loved putting out fires, but I never realized how active, full-time mothering of a teenage boy was so exhausting. Exhausting and never boring.

It's not that my daughter is a complete walk in the park, but she is more compatible with my temperament, and we don't clash much. Being with her I find myself laughing a lot, chuckling over her funny sayings and her honest assessment of things. I don't have to threaten her that her savings will have to buy hair coloring for me because she is not turning me gray. But that-kid-who-turned-me-gray is my son, my first born, and I am aware that he took a big turn down a road leading away from me. And now I don't care that he made my hair go gray. I only care that he is well, that he is safe and sound.

I only care about a couple things right now, in my life. I cared about a lot more, a whole lot more, a year ago. But right now what matters to me is that my daughter has a happy year learning what an 8th grader should learn, that our dog recovers from his anxiety over missing Alex and wondering why that boy is not where he should be- which my dog considers is here, with us, in that messy room of his that is now so quiet and still.

I only care that the few things I have put my hand to are done with simple obedience, no drama, and no fanfare. Now I am getting close to understanding what that passage was about when the household servant was to have this attitude: "The servant should not get any special thanks for doing his job. He is only doing what his master told him to do. It is the same with you. When you do all the things you are told to do, you should say, 'We are not worthy of any special thanks. We have only done the work we should do" (Luke 17).

It's not a false humility. It's simply a realization that you are called to do certain things. They are laid out for you. There is a simple obedience required- and it is good for you to have things simplified down to the Necessary, the Good, the Essential. Too often we get caught up with the fluff and the frills and the failures of trying to produce these things. I've had enough failures to know that many of them happened because I was caught up in trying to produce something significant out of the banal, the trite, the stupid, if I really get honest with myself.

So God is freeing me up, in a way, by winnowing me down. It's the brass tacks of Obedience 101. God knows what He is doing, He has a way for us to take, and when we come forth we will be shining as gold, even if we don't see how we shine.

Clam Chowder and Sunshine

We've been on vacation this week. I did not realize how shallow my breathing had become, how frantic and frenzied my pace was, how ready I was to take a week and slow the pace down to the thick slow drip of New England Clam chowder dripping off a spoon. That we've done nothing but read, sit at the beach, eat, play cards, laugh, eat, and read is a testament to the perfection of this vacation. Our family didn't really need a lot of entertainment or roller coaster rides or crowds of people. What we needed was family time, food, fun, and life at the pace of a hot summer day when you feel like your only responsibility is to live and love.

Instead of a phone constantly ringing in the background, I hear my kids cheerfully discussing the choice of ice cream or slushies. Or I should say that Abby, my daughter, is cheerfully discussing the choices and Alex is nodding slightly and without regard for her question because he has his headphones on and a book in his hand. His job, as a kid going off to college in a month, is to accommodate our time together as a family without letting on too much that he is enjoying himself.

I'm so relaxed. You would be too- if you were sitting at the beach and listening to the roar of the ocean, and feeling very small but loved. You see the ocean, hear it roar, wonder at its presence, and then remember that the God who created it is the God who has a plan for your life. You sit at the beach and see all the people, hear them, feel the sun beat down on your skin- and yet you are miles away in thought. You're feeling hope and you're starting to dream bigger. You're letting go of hurts and confusion. There are possibilities, endless possibilities, when you feel refreshed, rejuvenated...and loved.

Through it All

One child has a sinus and ear infection, the other child (young man) has pneumonia. He's very sick. The dog, even, has an infected mysterious spot on his back, and we are concerned about that. Thankfully we have the best of doctors, and amazingly the children's doctors' office is less than a mile from our house.

This morning as we got ready to go the doctors (they were open this weekend), we had a short little "service" in our living room. Very short- as our son was half asleep on the couch, and looking very ill. Our daughter wanted to share some Scripture verses with us that SHE felt strongly about. We smiled as she led our service. Lead on! We prayed and thanked God for His grace.We felt thankful that we have these minor illnesses to deal with. We know that there are many who are dealing with heavy, severe trials of disease and chronic illness. We have to deal with something that is treatable (even if we do have to watch carefully over our son's health due to his history of Asthma and pneumonia).

Lately, all I see is God's hand of Grace...in the midst of our small trials and obstacles. It's not that I don't think God wants to show up in some big Victories for us. He does. But for now, we are dealing with a number of concerns, obstacles, challenges, predicaments. And I see how God wants to be the stabilizing force in our life, the Hand that under girds us, the Way Maker, the Light, the Fire that continually reignites within us when we get weary or start to do too much sighing.

When I sigh a lot, I know something is wrong. It's not that I can't get weary or tired or that I am not allowed to ever feel overwhelmed. But sighing is- for me- a sign of impending despair. And that is one thing I can not ever afford to have in my life.

Despair is not supposed to be my portion in this life. Here's why:
Despair means you are without hope, and that you sense there is no way out.

a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly; ...

the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well

abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart; ...
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

I am not ever giving up hope. I have more hope than ever. I have more confidence than ever in the hand of God, the loving heart of God, the will of God, and the plan of God for my life. I see more than ever that I don't have the answers, that I don't have resources for the challenges of my own making. I perceive that God's resources are not only stored up for me, but that He waits for my recognition of this fact and longs for me to tap into what HE has in mind for the battle at hand, the problem ahead, the challenge that looks too daunting for me to handle.

"Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the LORD" Ps. 31:24. Let your heart take hold of what He has- and don't let yourself get near that dreaded word- despair.

There's no reason not to experience more of what He has laid up for you: hope, increased perception of His grace and His strength, and a path to take THROUGH the raging seas.

Rise and Shine!

I haven't been posting as frequently because all my energies have been directed into some serious exploits. Under one category they are all grouped together: the opportunity to rise. Some people would just say I'm dealing with a lot of obstacles, issues, battles, and draining situations. I thought that was what I was dealing with too...at first.

But recently I am "seeing" something I didn't see at first. "Do you not perceive it?" the Lord asks in Isaiah 43 and He asks that of me, today, as well. My answer is, "Yes, now that you ask me that, Lord, I am starting to see things I didn't see before. I'm starting to see the new thing you are doing."

When I opened my journal this morning to write, one of the first verses that came to my mind was that inspiring one from Judges 5:31, "So may all your enemies perish, O LORD! But may they who love you be like the sun when it rises in its strength...".

Difficult situations are really an opportunity in disguise to rise up in God's strength, God's perspective, and see a victory come about. There's just no other way to view these seemingly negative situations or obstacles -for the Christian- than to see them as opportunities to demonstrate the life of God IN YOU, His power to overcome. After all, to those who have no strength, He gives power. Strong young men may fall but THOSE who hope in the Lord, those who put their confidence in God, will renew their strength and...what? They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will RISE. (Isaiah 40:31)

All these thoughts were going through my mind early this morning. I studied Scripture and pondered my complex situation. Then I opened up my little leather-bound My Utmost for His Highest, and turned to today's reading and what do I read?!!-

"RISE to the occasion- do what the trial demands of you....May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality- a readiness to face anything He brings our way."

I'm shouting this out to you, friend. My complaints and cries are turning to shouts of victory because "Sounds of rejoicing resound in the tents of the righteous" (Ps. 118:15). (I've mentioned this loved verse before in my post Battle Song).

I'm calling out how things will be- not because they feel like they're going well, but because I am rising to the occasion. I am rising up in His strength. Realistically, I survey that challenges are in my life. But what's also in my life is the opportunity to rise.

So I'm going onward...and I'm going to higher ground.

Wow

I just got back from teaching at a women's retreat this weekend and all I can say is....WOW. God always does "abundantly above what we can ask or imagine", doesn't He? He refills the empty cup. He splashes color on pale, dry ground. He energizes those who need to continue onward and upward, and who think that maybe they can't go another step. They find out, though, that they can.

You can always take a step further with God. Even if the miles stretch before you, you only have to think about a step at a time. You only have to rest your mind on the goodness of God displayed all around you; shown in the "land of the living".

I'll share more later. But for now, I have to unpack, hug my family, refill an empty fridge, and walk around with a big smile on my face because of all the wonderful things that God is up to. That He joyfully let me catch a glimpse of some of these things makes me just smile even more.

I'm physically exhausted, but I've never been more ready to go onward with Him.

All Kinds of Adventure

I've always been a bit of a paradox. I love quiet, old fashioned English tea times where I set a table, gather my mismatched cups and saucers and favorite tea pot of the day, and sit down with a loved one to a peaceful sipping and munching while the day winds to a temporary halt. Yet I also love watching professional bull riding competitions on T.V. and whooping it up when they manage to stay on for the eight seconds of guts and glory and screaming out warnings when I see some rider getting whipped off that bull like cotton candy splaying around just before its handed to some sweet-toothed kid at a fair.

I can hole up for days working on my writing and miscellaneous ideas, and yet I can suddenly be needy for contact with the outer world, feeling thirsty for laughter or walking or even just chatting with a grocery clerk in the check out line. Nobody can handle too much of one thing for any long period of time without feeling a little holed in. That's my thinking on the matter.

My son has a friend who is contemplating joining the Navy. I chatted with him the other day and managed to smile encouragingly at his enthusiasm for this new possible adventure in his life. But later I asked my husband (now, I'm not that bright about military branches and such so bear with me here), "Isn't the navy the branch of the military with the submarines? That little yellow underground place where you live in constant claustrophobia and panic?"

"That's how you'd feel living in a submarine, but many men do just fine there," my husband reassured me. I was not reassured. I can't think of how anyone could survive looking through little windows and seeing fish or sharks swim by. My husband informs me there are no little windows, that that's what they have on fancy cruise ships- not on submarines. Oh. Well, in any case, I want to see trees and sky when I look out a window. I want to be able to decide that I need to take a walk and then suddenly do so- opening up a door and walking out into fresh air. You can't do that on a submarine.

Going on a whim. Flying on a wing and a prayer. I think what I'm talking about is that sometimes we need to suddenly follow a hunch, or suddenly take a turn down a new street, or decide to go for a walk when we are not the "walking" type of people normally. For some of us, this is the beginning of adventure. Adventure starts when we take a crumb of incentive or desire and go with it. When we move, we can have an adventure. When we start a new business or when we decide to take a class- that could be the beginning of an adventure.

My good friend, Mu, and I went for breakfast the other day. At the end of our two hour power breakfast, we talked about an idea we had at one time that we had not acted on...yet. There was an adult education class that had interested us at one time. We had discussed signing up for it together. Discussed- mind you. But that's all we did.

But I'm happy to report now that we have moved beyond the discussion stage. After our breakfast, we suddenly saw the adult education booklet in the lobby, picked it up, leafed through it, and picked out two classes in particular that we wanted to take together.

"We're doing it," one of us said, but I don't remember which one of us said it. I think we both said it, but in different ways. And by the end of the day, I had signed up for not two but five classes on an assortment of things. Oh the world of adventure that is before us! Mu and I will be in two of those classes together, and then who knows what we will decide to do next.

"Cast your bread upon the waters..." Ecclesiastes 11:1 says. One commentary said that the word might not be "bread" but "ships"- meaning, send out your ships to trade. That makes sense. Send them out and see what they come back with. Out of ten ships sent out, five may actually return, three may have cargo, and one ship might just have such precious cargo that you'll be so glad you sent those ships out.

I've decided that since I don't actually own any ships that I'm going to have to be the one sent out. I'm going to have to go scout out the possibilities, visit new places, learn new things, and then most assuredly I will come home with something. Maybe I won't bring back actual treasure or accumulated funds, but I will certainly come back having had an adventure of a lifetime.

Silver and Gold, New Books and Old

These four books I got at the Library Used Book Sale aren't going to look sharp and snazzy for long. Soon they will look beat up, rather bedraggled. I'm a very messy and noisy reader. I'll be underlining sentences, highlighting certain words that stick out at me, and voicing my joy and my astonishment at how they speak to my heart. I love the titles of these books, the subtitles, and just taken together as a whole, they speak a message of understanding and progress, blessing,release, and bliss. That's like digging into a hot fudge sundae with joyous abandonment and then God telling you He won't make the calories count at all. Can it get much better than that? (Of course it can- life is more than food and drink).

So here they are: the four books I got last week. These books I have looked at with longing but have held off on reading them till I finished my library books that have to be returned. I'm about to pounce on them now. And this is why.

Book 1: Donkeys Still Talk by Virelle Kidder. This author is actually from my part of New York State. She also was one of the first speakers at a Woman's Retreat that I am going to be speaking at soon. Interesting that I found this book. The Sub Title: Hearing God's Voice When You're Not Listening. My immediate response is to tell God, But I am listening to You, Lord. I am. I'm asking You to direct me continually. God ignores my protests and basically puts this book in my hands as a reinforcement of the lesson that listening is not telling God that you are listening. Listening involves silence. It involves reflection. It involves faith that you will hear a response from God. "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us..."(1 John 5:14). God listens to us. We need to learn to listen to Him. It isn't a matter of wanting to listen. It's a case of being able to listen well and listen good. As one of my favorite preachers is always saying, "Listen! Now listen! ( Listen to Charles Stanley preach and you'll hear this.)

Book 2: Live Like you're Blessed by Dr. Suzan Johnson Cook. Just the title alone has already moved me, has prompted me to remember anew how blessed I am. The truth of the title is echoed throughout Scripture: we've been blessed with every imaginable blessing by a God who loves to meet our need, a God who secured our future, covered our past with His blood, and made our today a vibrant possibility. I can't wait to read this book.

Book 3: Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore. I've only read two of her books yet I know so many that love her writing and her speaking. But this particular book is intended for me, I know, because of the strong desire she has to get the message of God's power out to those who need to hear it. I feel this same desire, this same mandate to proclaim God's liberating power even as I walk in it myself. "Having a firm place to stand doesn't mean life isn't hard and temptations don't come....It just means you've determined your position no matter what comes your way," Beth Moore writes.

Book 4: The Business of Bliss by the Editors of Victoria Magazine. This is an older book (1999), but it is so dear to me that I found this book among the heaps of books in the corner. This is the book that I had wanted to buy, years ago. I used to get Victoria Magazine, and I loved it- I lived in the pages of beauty and elegance and dreamy scenes of tea time and friendships and English gardens. My physical living environment at that time was not that way at all. It was cramped, it was limited and I struggled with despair over ever having a sanctuary of beauty and peace to come home to. When I read about this book, in the pages of the magazine, I saw these women living out their dreams by having quaint gift shops, or bed and breakfasts, or they were running a business where they crafted something that was so an extension of themselves that they lived with...bliss. The writer of Ecclesiastes writes over and over about eating the fruit of the labor of your hands, about working and seeing the results of your labor. I'm convinced God wants us to be fruitful, effective, and to use the gifts He gave us. But many of us get delayed or sidetracked or off the track completely. It's time to profit and do well even as we work hard and work effectively. This is a gift from God.

So there you have it: the bounty of books I came home with. But it wasn't just the books I had in my arms,it was the message from God in my heart: Lauren, I see you and I know you. I know what makes your heart sing. And I know how you want to help others run in the path of My Commands because I have set their hearts free. I'm with you.

And if God is with us, for us, and helping us, we are blessed indeed. The books are just an added confirmation of how God will speak to us, equip us, get His message to us. He can use almost anything to meet us where we are at. Never underestimate the creative power of a God who designed the spectacular heavens yet desires to get involved with our life here on earth. He's got something in mind for you and me. It's beyond comprehension how good it can be.

Into the Treasure Chest

You should have been there. You have have thought they were giving away a thousand dollars to the first 100 people that arrived. But no, what they were giving away was simply the privilege of a 45 minute head start before the crowds of book buyers arrived. (Some of these book buyers are people who scoop up hundreds of books at once and will go home and sell them on e-bay or something like that. They are not readers but business people. Not that a business person can't be a reader but...I digress).

I stood in line waiting for the door to open, feeling like I was being allowed entrance into a large treasure chest. An older couple of retirement age stood behind me chatting.

"Oh, what a cute little boy," she murmured to her silver haired husband as a youngster went running by them.

"You don't like little boys," he retorted. "You never wanted one." They talked about their grown daughter and her pregnancy. "Maybe she'll have a boy," he added as a concession.

"Oh I hope not!" she said vehemently. "That would be terrible!" This was the same woman who just thought a little boy passing by was cute. I was confused. So I inched a little closer. I heard her add,"Little boys grow up and they leave you.But daughters stay close to you forever."

So that's what is happening with my son and me. He's "leaving me"- physically, emotionally. He's dis-attaching. But Abby is staying close to me, close to my heart, her hand literally always in mine. Yet Alex is not trying to hurt me by dis-attaching. He's just doing what he has to- he's a man on a mission, and mothers don't generally appear on the scene of great missions of exploration and discovery.

We finally got into the room and people went crazy. Many kept boxes at their feet, throwing books into the box and then pushing it along as they filled it. I headed toward the Christian/Inspirational section, then went to Decorating/Crafts, then went to the room with all the fiction- loads of paperbacks and hardcovers of big name fiction authors and then all the romance publishers.

I filled my bag with about twenty different books. But as I went through them, just before I checked out, I discarded many. I had prayed earlier, as I drove to the Library Book Sale, "Lord, please show me the books that will speak to my heart, the books that will send a message from your heart to mine." I knew God could speak through fiction, through an intriguing or romantic story line. I also knew He speaks through the direct messages of non fiction, Bible Studies, deep theological expositions of the workings of God.

Here's what I wound up with at the end of it all: just four books. Four books that I am delighted to dig into. Four books that I know are somehow related to each other in the message God is sending me- even if they seem to talking about different things.

And these four books are....going to be shared with you next post!!

Be Still, My Beating Heart!

Masterpiece Classic, March 9 p.m. EST

Emma is not one of my favorites of all the Jane Austen books. The character, herself, is privileged and protected. She is also so unaware of her lack of wisdom and discernment. That's just my take on the story. The funny part about this story is the matchmaking gone awry. I've attempted to play matchmaker a couple times in my life, too. (And oh, what a mess I made!).

I think a lot of women enjoy seeing a match made, and feeling like they had part in something good happening. I'm not sure men get into this, though. (Any male readers, please comment!) I don't know if men understand or think about the mystery behind two souls being drawn to each other. For women, it seems like we need to hear the story over and over- the story of love prevailing, love making a way, love conquering all.

I've gone through periods where I read intensely all kinds of non fiction: how-to's, devotionals, memoirs, and biographies. Then I'll go through a period where I need some fiction: I need a story to take me away from it all. I need a light hearted romance where I can laugh at the character's silliness or their stumbling and bumbling around. Then there are also the stories that touch my soul, are deeply moving, sad and profound. These stories remind me to allow myself to feel pain, embrace the experiences I am going though, and keep moving on into fresh new ideas and hope and dreams.

All this to say, ( I feel like a kid about to tell you my wonderful new secret)-I'm heading over to our local Library's Used Book Sale today. $1.00 for hardcovers, .50 for paperbacks. That's a whole lot of joyous feasting for my soul. I'm going to walk out of there laden with books, my shoulders aching from hauling off my bounty, my soul reveling in the new ideas and stories that await me when I open the cover of the next book I read.

Food for the Soul

Something was bothering me yesterday. I think a lot of it has to do with working on the launching pad of a rocket. You didn't know I was launching a rocket into outer space? Well, neither did I- until a couple years ago. That's when I found out that helping a teenager find their place in the world (perhaps beginning with leaving home and getting to the college of their choice) feels like you are launching a rocket.

Some days I do not like this kind of work. I'm fed up, some days, with encouraging and prodding and staying silent so I don't frustrate a teen who already knows so much (supposedly). Some days I want to shout out all I have done to help this teen, and somehow get this teen to see what I've done so he gives me just a little credit. Just a crumb. Just a morsel of motherhood commendation. Some days I'll just take a smile of gratitude- and occasionally I get that. Such bliss.

And then some days all I want is to eat dinner by myself, with a good book in hand, and forget the drama and hard work of rocket launching. So that's what I did last night. I made dinner for the family: lemon garlic chicken, cheddar-broccoli rice, and mixed vegetables. I had Abby set the table and then called everyone to the table. But then, after grace, I went downstairs, retrieved the bed tray, brought it to my room and set it up. I took my dinner plate and a glass of water to my room, as I called out "Enjoy your meal." They did not even try to stop me. They knew better than to deprive mom of a few moments of peace. And if I decided to not eat with the family (which happens maybe twice a year or so), then the signal was clear: Mom needs to be alone. They happily ate their meal while I was in a mini, temporary paradise of peace and quiet.

I wasn't alone, though. (No, I didn't even let Harry come in and sup with me, though he scratched on the bedroom door for the hour I was in there). I felt God's comforting presence, and I listened to the words of a friend, the author of The Journey of Desire.

The peace and quiet changed to the sounds of a revival taking place. I am not a quiet reader. I fully involve myself with what I am reading. "Yes!" I'll shout when the author states something that I have found to be true. "Sooo true," I'll say, shaking my head in agreement. "Oh, this is so good!" I'll say when I reach the end of a chapter. This is what I was doing when I got to chapter ten and eleven; that- and underlining all over the place.

For an hour I had revelation, epiphanies, solace for my soul, and encouragement for my weary spirit. I had an experience. It was more than just head knowledge. There were breakthroughs: revelations of where I had struggled with the same thing the author was talking about, where I "saw" myself and "saw" what the struggle was. I had moments of wonder and gratitude that God saw to it that I found this book to read. I smiled and laughed and cried- all because I had sequestered myself away for a moment so that I would not break into yelling, or worse, break down and quietly give up.

There is such a difference between giving up and surrendering. There's a difference between boldness of request and arrogance. There's a difference between asking God to grant you the desire of your heart and asking God to take away the pain of something by allowing you to be temporarily intrigued with something that you think is a "desire" of your heart.

There's a difference between rejecting the company of your beloved family, and deciding to remove yourself from their presence so that you might come back to them recharged, refreshed, and...ready to go onward with them.

The Things We Have to Know

It's a winter storm, and my kids are rejoicing at the thought of no school tomorrow if things keep up the way they are. Saturday was the calm before the storm, literally. I ran around all day yesterday, shopping for gifts, getting gas, grocery shopping, coming home, finally, at supper time. Bill wound up having to work all day Saturday. A client wants their remodeling project done before Christmas guests arrive. Bill came home just as I did, feeling exhausted and un-party-like, so we sent our regrets to the Open House we had been invited to. Then we all holed up at home. Let the storm come, we thought.

We couldn't get out of the driveway to make it to church this morning, and wound up having our own service at home. Alex brought up his guitars and amp, Abby took out sheet music, and Bill led worship. We sang some of my favorite songs that we had not sung in a long time. We were loud, slightly off-key, and passionate about what we sang. Then I read a passage from My Utmost for His Highest, December 15th's devotion. The text was about diligently customizing your message of your experience of the truth of God's Word so that people can learn from you when you share. It was an interesting way of looking at 2 Timothy 2:15.

"But you must be willing to go through God's winepress where the grapes are crushed. You must struggle, experiment, and rehearse your words to express God's truth clearly. Then the time will come when that expression will become God's wine of strength to someone else."

Unless, of course, "that expression" of truth gets lost in your story line. I got home from all my running around Saturday, and checked the answering machine to find a strange message from my older sister, Kris.

"Laur, I need to talk to you," she says in a quiet, serious voice. "I have a question I need to ask you."

I felt concerned at her sober tone of voice. Kris is not exactly "chatty cathy", and rarely calls me to just chat about nothing in particular. So I called her back, feeling a bit worried about her message.

"Oh, I just wanted to ask you about something you wrote on your blog post, "Now You're Getting Somewhere," she said calmly as I took a deep breath and exhaled in relief.

"I wanted to know who was it that visited you in the hospital. I'm trying to remember the guys you dated, and I can't think of who it was," she said in a concerned voice.

"That's what you needed to talk to me about?!" I yelled at her with a smile on my face. "Oh, alright. By the way, I never said I was in the hospital. But you're right. It was when I had that minor operation on my tail bone," I said, and then proceeded to tell her the old boyfriend's name.

"But you weren't supposed to be focused on the visiting ex-boyfriend," I said indignantly. "You were supposed to be getting the important message that sometimes we need feedback, even if it's negative feedback."

"Yea, I know. But I was too curious about who you were talking about to concentrate on your message," she said and then we laughed.

So much for my serious expression of truth becoming "God's wine of strength" to her!

Quiet Time

Last night at a Leadership meeting at Church, our Pastor shared about the extremes we can unwisely experience in our thoughts and beliefs due to singling Scripture verses out of context.

One example was given about the passage,"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13)

The Apostle Paul was referring to the conditions of living in lack, or living in abundance, and just plain being able to live, at peace, in a state of grace- no matter what. He did Not mean "I can bench press 1000 pounds - because I know Christ" or "I can become a famous opera star even though I sing like a chicken with its head cut off". (Everyone is glad I do understand this verse in context. I sing like...well, the example I just gave- but I know that I do. And I'm not expecting much to change here!)

Paul understood the undergirding, strengthening presence of God to take him through times of plenty and times of "tightness", times when the world sits at your feet to listen, and times when "all of Asia" has left you. He could "make it" because of God's grace and His power at work in his life. Yes, he could "do" that. And so can you.

But without Christ- well, that's a different matter. Without His amazing life -giving power at work in your mortal body, you can do "nothing". Now, be careful here. It may not seem like you're doing nothing. It may seem like you're doing an awful lot, panting and sweating in exertion, at the same time. But in reality, anything not touched by the hand of God, by the approval of God, amounts to nothing. I've seen this in my life.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John15:4,5

Last couple of days, I've come to a place of peace and understanding. I'm experiencing a quiet rest in Him that may seem unproductive. But I believe that rest can be a powerful form of abiding in Christ. Instead of striving and trying so hard to be productive, I'm just "waiting" and "worshipping" Him- glad to be small in His powerful hand.

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop" said Ovid, the Roman poet. This is especially true of those whose resting period is not done kicking or screaming. (I think many of us have an aversion to resting periods because of the nap times imposed on us when we were young!).

I'm just cooperating with the plan of God, right now. "Quiet time," He whispers to my spirit. I have decided to simply agree; to just abide in His timing, His strategy, His plan for me. I'm abiding in the Vine, that's what I'm doing. And the part where you see all that fruit...that will come.

In due season.

Me, In a Nutshell

My husband joked with the kids this morning, as they scrambled around, late for school, "We're all late this morning because I was busy listening to your mother. And I'm still not getting paid the hundred dollars an hour she should be paying me!" I smiled at him in agreement, even though I was previously irritated with him these last couple days over some other non-consequential weaknesses of his.

One thing I can say about my husband is that he IS a good listener. And I would probably owe thousands to a counselor if I didn't have him to help me sort out my thinking and my conclusions simply by his listening to me. I can be honest with him and say what I think, and ponder aloud. I am blessed to have a husband like this.

What's one thing someone could say about you, in a nutshell? I enjoy hearing a straight-to-the-point assessment of oneself. I'm intrigued by someone being able to take a whirlwind of attributes, talents, calling, and inner conflicts, and summarize it all by saying "One thing I do know is ..." or "One thing I'm good at is..." or in the Apostle Paul's case,

"but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" Phil. 3:13,14

Paul says, in a nutshell, I'm good at forgetting what I should forget. I'm called to reach forward and press toward what I don't want to ever forget- God's upward call on my life.

I found a little hidden paragraph in Joel Osteen's new book that tells me how he sums up his best skill, his essence, his anointing, if you want to call it that.

"One thing I'm good at is staying focused. I don't allow what people are saying to distract me...I'm called to plant a seed of hope in people's hearts... My gifting is to encourage, to challenge, to inspire."

I read widely and voraciously. (Just ask the local librarians. They constantly call me to tell me the books I've reserved, are "in".) Years ago I read a number of books by trained Life Coaches. Many of these books had exercises you'd go through where you would arrive at some conclusion or assessment of yourself. I remember doing one exercise that had you circling the verbs that resonated with you, narrowing down which were your key activities that you should center in on. It was hard to keep crossing off extra words that were so important to you, but the test had you continually refining what your key motivational attributes or activities were. Then it had you get down to just four.

This was over seven years ago, and I have never forgotten my 4 words. The first two words start off everything I do in life, really. These are my motivators. This is what provokes me, gets me passionate and purposeful. These two words, in particular, and in order, light up my path and fuel my faith.

Learn. Inspire.

In that order. I mean, really-what could I share with people other than what I have learned? And what I set out to learn, I also think many other people want to learn. I know I want to learn how to go forward in life, and not backward. I want to learn how to live in peace but not let peace pacify me and make me dull about battle strategies or the need for them. I want to learn how to appropriate at least a measure of the victory God has in store for me, a portion of that good Plan, at least, that is for my progress and my purpose in this life: that Christ be lifted up, in me, in my life.

And then with what I learn, I want to inspire. While I do teach, I am not trying to get information across. I am not trying to educate. Life Changing Information is available to us in so many places, yet few are grabbing hold of it and applying it with a vengeance. I believe inspiration is needed.

I know I need to be inspired, if I want to make radical changes in my life. I can't just be educated about choices. I can't just be informed. I need the breath of inspiration in me, the lightening rod of the Holy Spirit, the wind of His arrival, the sudden illumination of Truth in a way I can understand.

These are the first two words and the main two words of my existence. One thing I'm good at is learning. Or I should just say that I love to learn. (Let's let God be the judge as to whether I'm good at it!) And as to whether I inspire others, that remains to be seen. I can tell you, I do know how to inspire myself. But it's more that I allow God to inspire me, that I "see" when He's trying to get my attention, provoke me to passionate exploits done in zeal and in crippling but necessary weakness.

You ought to hear me at times, sounding the battle cry- and none are around me. I will be driving in my car, the radio off, with my words loud and feisty as I talk to myself. I call the troops together- and let my emotions and my thoughts know that I am the general and we ARE going forward. I have learned I need to do this. And inspiration takes over. God breathes a new thought into me. I hear it. Or I might sense it in my spirit. I am His own, after all. God breathed life into me that moment in time. And He does still.

There's very little about me that anyone could ever sum up in two words. My temperament and personality is complex, my experiences varied, my interests- many. But you can sum up what I am out and about doing, in this life.

What motivates me beyond all else are two motivational verbs that thrill me beyond belief. They are not the only important verbs in this life. It's just that those two verbs- learn, inspire- are me. They're what I really want to do in this life.

In a nutshell.

On a Clear Day

It's a clear sunny day. This is how it looks when you look out my bedroom window where I write every day. My son took this photo a couple days ago. He's a creative, contemplative, stormy artist- son of a creative, contemplative, stormy mother.

I have no major problems that I know of, today, to tackle and hurdle over.What I have is life- before me- and in me- and ahead of me. So I'm going to do what I usually find myself feeling the urge to do when "issues" have settled down to a reasonable low roar, and the weather is almost cool and inviting enough to do so: I am going to bake. Call it my yoga.

I make homemade bread, pies, apple crisps, cakes....all sorts of delectables- but only when I feel things are not spinning out of control in my life. Of course many things are out of my control, but what I mean is, I bake when there is some semblance of order in my life, a tiny degree of sense and sensibility reigning in my home instead of manic panic and disorder of all kinds. (I know, I know, you all have organized, beautifully managed homes with no scenes or drama whatsoever.(smile) Leave me your comments on what that's like!)

It's fall, my favorite season of the year, school has started off rather well this year for my kids, and I am starting to get that "look through the cook books" urge. It's a feeling that beckons me to make home smell as good as it should feel: warm, inviting, and sweet enough to nurture you but not too sweet that you feel sick. So I'll be baking breads and muffins, banana cake and madeleines. Starting this weekend. Maybe starting tonight.

Because, right now, it's a beautiful day. "On a clear day you can see forever"- or at least you can see far enough ahead that you feel like today is a day that will let you do the little things in life that make life...good.