Sheltered from the Storm

Last night was the first meeting of a group I've formed called Writers & Readers. Five of us gathered in my home, three Readers and two Writers. The idea for this group started after I had an "interesting" experience with an initial writers group I went to. I tried to join in there, I tried to grow, to learn and receive critique but the experience was rather like wading into the deep end of the shark-infested ocean with steak juice smeared all over you. After a couple times there, and feeling like I needed to toughen up some, I relayed my experience with this group to my best friend. Her response: DONT GO BACK THERE! Now, my friend "Mu" obviously likes me and didn't want to see me hurt or battered about, but more than that, she was concerned that I would lose all sense of accomplishment or ability if I went to a group that seemed to breed bitterness and frustration in the members and relished beating the hope out of any newcomer-writer that they could do anything right.

So Mu became my writers group: it was just us two meeting weekly over the months. Some would say that she was biased , being my best friend, and how could she offer good feedback and objective critique? But Mu always shoots pretty straight with me, and at the same time, has a way of couching all her critique in a crème brulée coating of tenderness (without the flame).

Also during this time, I picked up an interesting book about Toxic Feedback by Joni B. Cole. It's not just budding writers that have to worry about this problem because I've seen this everywhere: among sisters, among supposed best friends, at the workplace, in the Church, and even on the playground. Toxic Feedback is any kind of response to a question that sends a double message-- a sort of of yes followed by a debilitating No. It's a response that is meant to make you doubt yourself, or make you question your capabilities.

It seems like there are two kinds of people in this world with power: those who have the power to make you doubt yourself and those who have the power to encourage and build up. (There are those who don't do either, but then that's why they don't affect your life). It's not like you have to lie and fudge and gloss over reality in order to encourage someone when giving a critique. There's always something of value in any man's work; you can always find something positive or noteworthy to highlight. You don't always have to go for the jugular--unless you're the kind of person who feels stronger when you make others feel smaller.

So this new group met last night, and boy did we have fun! It helps that we had lots of chocolate and coffee and tea. And it didn't matter that one member got stuck in our snow crowded driveway. And even though the women didn't all know each other, we felt like instant friends within minutes. We were there to discover new talent, to hear the beginning of a story, to approve the good, to note the noteworthy, to concentrate on spurring one another onward. We had a great time; so much so, that we ran late.

I keep thinking about all the things my Dad did right, lately. As he becomes a man softened by age, less powerful in stature, the things of his life are evident: the five children he raised, the players he coached, the students he taught, the message he continually spoke. In our home, you weren't allowed to criticize someone without first giving two compliments. It was my Dad's way of tempering the harshness of the dagger we wanted to throw at someone first. Usually we'd toss out something like "Your hair is nice, you've got got nice teeth- but you're a jerk for taking stuff from my room!!" It kind of defeated Dad's purpose, the way we'd rush through the two compliments to get to the meat of our criticism or attack.

But I know what he was getting at--I see this now, more than ever. There's a great need in this world for safe places and safe people. We have shelters (and not enough of them) for battered women. But there are too few shelters for battered souls. Real Encouragement is needed--not the frosting of random compliments. Encouraging someone has to do with noting their heart's desire to use talents and gifts to the best of their ability. It's pointing out what they did right-- or what they wanted to achieve, even if they didn't. It's seeing beyond--and in spite of--the flubbed attempt. It's seeing behind the string of dis-attached words, the very meaning... the message they were hoping to convey.

The Big D

Can I just say one thing-only one- about the show, The Bachelorette, which was on last night? I promise that I'll get back to more serious, noble pursuits and not discuss any more such trite and foolish things as how a woman chooses a future mate, how she sifts through the personal information these men present to her, how she discerns who is really there for her and who is using this moment of fame to further their fortunes. NOT!

This IS serious stuff. This is not fluff. I know, I know- it's a T.V. show. It's a reality show. It's produced and edited and reformatted to entice viewers and to sell advertising and all that. But I'm talking about the main verb here of what Jillian is doing in this show: she is deciding.

There is nothing frivolous about decision-making. How you decide on something is how you either live, thrive, suffer, survive. Decision making is Key. Good Decision making ability is a key to a successful, fruitful, prosperous life. Read the book of Proverbs and you'll see it's all about the wisdom and foolishness of man's decision making.

HOW you choose something (or someone) and WHY you choose something (or someone) says a lot about you. I belabor this point a lot, I know. And it's because I look back at my own life and see that the majority of painful times I went through had to do with not only the decisions I made, but more importantly, the liberty I felt- or constraint- in making those decisions.

If there's anything I want for my teenage daughter, it's wisdom and the ability to choose wisely. Even when it comes to Faith, and understanding God's love for us, you have to choose your response to God's Love: will you accept it? Will you decide it's real and that you can believe it and rely on it?

"Choose you this day..." and the choices are many each day we live. Forget Reality TV for a moment. Forget the foolish drama that is played up on these shows. The real drama of life is already occurring every time we decide what we will do, what we believe, who we trust. I'm just glad that the Who I Trust Decision was settled along time ago.

Why Middle Aged Women Love GM

I saw a GM commercial the other night and I had to give it to them: they know how to re-posture themselves. General Motors sounds brave. Their commercial talked about "this not being the end. This is only chapter one".

Oh, the things middle aged people could learn from GM! Or at least, the things we could learn from their advertising agency! They're pitching General Motors as brave, enterprising, and as a company that is ready to find a new position- a winning position-again.

In the face of financial catastrophe, they are "reinventing the automobile and our company". Wow. That's quite a feat. It'd be like a 48 year old woman getting a face lift and hiring a life coach at the same time. You can't just deliver a new product without delivering a new company that the product comes from.

Now, I'm not thinking of getting a face lift. But instead of hiring a life coach, I am deciding to be my own best life coach and direct myself into fruitful ventures, enterprising situations, fertile ground. You can do that, you know. You really can choose the best way to go- even if it takes many tries to find the best way.

The key thing is to not turn back. BE BRAVE. Take it from GM- and in the words of Hebrews 10:35 Contemporary English Version -"Keep on being brave! It will bring you great rewards".

Or in the words of T. Harv Eker- "Try this. The next time you are uncomfortable, uncertain, or afraid, instead of shrinking and retreating back to safety, press forward."

Sometimes pressing on is more of a messy stumbling forward than it is walking confidently with a fully planned route exposing all pitfalls. The reason we don't stumble forward enough is that we look around and we see so many composed Christians with smiles on their faces and the Word of God in their hands- as though this book had a million detailed maps contained within it and you just had to whip out the right one every time you were confused.

I'm a bit confused as to why Christians should be composed and all packaged together nicely. It seems to me that if we are growing and stretching and relying on God, that we will be, therefore, in all kinds of uncomfortable situations that stretch us and yes- make us a bit bewildered at times. I don't think Eker meant this advice directly for professing Christians, but it could be the best advice I've heard in a while:

"From now on, whenever you feel uncomfortable, instead of retreating back into your old comfort zone, pat yourself on the back and say 'I must be growing,' and continue moving forward."

So that's what I'm doing. I'm moving forward even though I don't feel comfortable at all. But that's not to say that I don't feel confident. I told my husband that I have never felt more sure that I have the God-given skills and abilities to help me triumph and prosper- and yet, I have never looked more the opposite. I'm not getting any younger. I'm 48, soon to be an empty-nester (in just a couple years), and I'm not in any concrete career track. I'm not on a direct certain route to Inspirational Identity, and I'm certainly not on a Fast-Track Career Track- or any track at all. (This is exactly what my father feared when I told him I wanted to be a writer, and wanted to major in English).

But like GM, I I know that I can start again. Or at least I know that I need to. I know it's a new chapter and I need to think on my feet even as I plan for a new product line that will dazzle the world.

What's my product that I offer to the world? Every time I hold onto my beat-up dreams, I tell the world that they have not seen the best of me yet. Just give me a minute. Give me a chance. And if the world doesn't want to give me that, I'll just take it anyhow- because it's mine for the taking.

Let's Go Another Round

After two hours in a refrigerator-like arena, watching my daughter enjoy a time of ice skating with friends, I rushed over to a local eatery to meet my best friend, Mu, and enjoy a hot cup of coffee and an hour or two of chatting. Well, actually, we never chat. It's more like we dig in. We can be like war generals, devising victory plans or discussing past battle losses so as to learn from failures.

The funny thing is that I often catch people looking at us as we're talking intently and I have to question why. Sometimes I can talk too loudly. It could be that. Or sometimes it might be that she and I are laughing so hard, and it can almost look like criminal behavior to be that overjoyed on such a frigid, dismal winter day. It's been near zero degrees, lately, and we northeners are a bit bundled up and cast down in spirits at the same time.

It could also be that people want to figure out what our relationship is all about. We look like friends, laugh like best friends with a long history, discuss strategies like war generals, and communicate as counselor and counselee- with myself being the counselee more often than not.

A lot takes place when we get together, but the biggest things that happens is that we get geared up to go another round. We're like old boxers who don't want to leave the ring without winning- but we haven't gotten there, yet.

Lately I'm just enjoying being me.

This is a recent development in my life, but I now have a new sense of gratefulness and appreciation for how God made me. This is an ironic thing. It's an unexpected thing.

It seems like God has changed the mirror in my bathroom and when I look into it, I now see the funny, the good, the interesting, the unique way He made me. It's like God is standing behind me as I stare in the mirror at myself and He is saying "Like what you see? Cause I do." Now, remember, He is standing behind me while I look in the the mirror so there's this strange sense of looking at myself while seeing Him at the same time. Is that something close to the meaning of "Christ in me, the hope of glory?"

Anyhow, what this all means is that I'm so enjoying the journey, lately. I looked back at my past enough to know that I am not there anymore. I'm in the Now. And before I get to tomorrow, I still will be me- loud voice, laughing, battle scarred but not scared, dancing around in the ring 'cause I'm ready to go another round.

Fashion Advice for the Spiritually Weary

It's official. My 14 year old daughter is now my fashion consultant. All the parties involved agree that this is best. I was getting a little drab in my choices, zeroing in on black and more black when it came to getting dressed or adding a new sweater or top here and there when the situation warranted it.

The deciding day, though, was one in which she saw me looking in the mirror, pursing my lips in indecision over what I had on. It was not a pretty sight.

"Come with me, Mom" she said, taking my hand and bringing me to her room. She grabbed my jewelry box first and then in her room, in a flurry of color, quickly revamped my outfit. I was in total agreement that she knew what would look best on me. You see, if you're going to have a personal shopper or a fashion consultant, you've got to completely trust who's dressing you.

I've known my daughter for over 14 years, and in the last couple years have seen such wisdom, confidence and joy of expression come from her. I used to think shopping for clothes was all about getting the best bargain. I would go for a slightly damaged orange well-made sweater (even though I hate orange) because it had $9.99 on the tag, and miss the whole point of dressing in color and texture that makes you feel good.

So now, it being Christmas, I have had to make a little list for my husband and kids because they want to know my "wish list". But this year I said, "Whatever Abby thinks is good, is fine with me" and I can't wait to see what she thinks is right. If you think I sound like an eighty year old who has given up on decorum and self-esteem, I haven't. It's just that I need a new fresh wind in my life- of all sorts- and when it comes to fashion, why not let someone I love and trust pick the style, pick the colors? Why not let that person who is trying to find the best look for me- dress me?

I'm trying to do this with God also- let Him dress me. Scripture tells us that we can be dressed in robes of righteousness because of what Christ has done for us on the cross. But there's more fashion choices in the Bible than you would first think.

If God decides to give you a robe of multi-colors, as did Joseph's father , that colorful robe could cause problems in your life for a long time. You might rue the day that you received that robe because of all the jealousy and experiences of pit and prison that you wind up having because of the robe. But then the day could come that you're in a place of honor and responsibility and you suddenly appreciate that your Father saw fit to give you that robe.

You could also come to the day, in your life, that you feel at your end. Maybe you've gone through a time of mourning because you lost a loved one, or maybe you've lost your life savings, or maybe you've lost your confidence in God, in His love for you. That's when you would be so glad to receive "the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness"(Is. 61:3). If God said, "Let me dress you in something that causes your soul to wake up and sing" and you haven't sung in a very, very long time, that would be quite an experience.

I used to go around belting out that old song based on Scripture "Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, life up your voice and sing..." in times when I needed to rouse my soul to action and faith. Now I see that what I could do, instead, is call out and ask my Heavenly Fashion Consultant to dress me in the garment of His choice, for the season I'm in- and let me know that this is completely for my good.

If I trust Him- really trust Him- I'll tell him to have His way with me, and then I'll get ready to be dressed in such a way that I shine or sparkle or sing...or maybe I'll just know that what He chose for me was only, and completely, out of love.

Free Indeed

Last night my daughter and I watched Dr. Phil ( on T.V.) address the problems of Anorexia and Bulimia. It was agonizing to watch. The stories of these young women were enough to make you wonder if anyone, in this world, feels safe, loved, and hopeful.

Anorexia and Bulimia are two kinds of battles people have with not just the desire to be thin, but really, more the desire to be in control, to be safe, to be loved, to distract yourself with a ritual of purging or exercising or counting every calorie so that the real enemy inside you is temporarily quieted. I know. This is what I battled a long time ago.

Sometimes I even think that it really wasn't me, couldn't have been me, who frantically ran miles every day, ate a bit of cauliflower and some water for her main meal, and did exercises on her bed, at night, for hours. Sometimes it seems like this confused young woman was someone else- because I don't feel the terror or the frantic searching for control that I once felt. But I know it was me. I have photos to prove it was me.

The most memorable photo is the one where I am standing in front of our home and my sister has put up a sign that says "Welcome Home" and I am there, a smile on the face but not in the heart, and standing there-stick thin. I had just returned from my year of study abroad in Spain, but I had also returned having battled something that sprang up, supposedly, out of nowhere. Anorexia was its name but I could have called it so many other things as well: terror, a sudden realization that I was alone, culture shock, isolation, the need to control one tiny thing in my life even if everything else seemed out of control.

That's all I want to say for now about this problem I had so many years ago. I only bring it up now because last night was the first time I talked about it with my thirteen year old daughter. I wanted her to know that I had battled Anorexia, yes; but that I had also battled Fear, Anxiety, Depression, and Self Hatred. I wanted her to know that my strong confidence, now (which sometimes breaks down) is something that comes out of weakness. That "when I am weak, then He is strong" and God is strong enough to get you through the times when you don't even want to be strong, when you don't even want to succeed. God is adept at dealing with our self-sabotage.

Because I feel strong (for the most part), because I feel safe (very much so) and because I am certain of God's love for me, His desire for good for my life, I now look back and wonder how I could not have known these liberating truths. But I remember that its easy to get lost, its common to know hurt and pain and by not dealing with it, let it fester within and then manifest outwardly, someday, on a day you least expect, in a way you never thought.

I remember. God tells us to remember. How many times, just in Deuteronomy 8 alone, does He tell us to remember what we've gone through, remember what He has brought us out of, remember WHERE we are going. We are going to a promised land. And in this land, fear does not reign, sickness does not reign, and hearts are at peace, minds are at rest, because in this land, faith shall be sight. For me, I have decided that it is possible to used to the fact that this land is to be my homeland. That I am to be at peace, even now- and nothing shall rob me of my birthright.

"He who the Son sets free is free indeed." In getting free, I must remember that staying free is also the goal. It's the reality I should know. And I fix my sights on that. He tells me to do so. I want to agree with God, agree with what He has for me.

He'll always make a way for me to get there.

Top or Bottom- This Momma Has it All

First I was hot Mama, a couple days ago (see the previous post for clarification!), and now I'm a TopMomma! http://www.topmomma.com/

Apparently I'm on the front, home page of TopMomma.com! Now I don't know how I got there, and I don't know what this is exactly, but since when has confusion and blundering around stopped me from getting anywhere?!!



"Mommy bloggers are sorted by popularity, which is based on clicks and referrals. When a new mom enters the roster, the least popular one gets pushed off the site. Think of it as a “mommy time out”…With a bit of luck, and a really supportive bra, you just may end up as TOP MOMMA – which earns you bragging rights and a spot in the elusive “Hall of Fame..."

Okay, so does this mean people have to vote for me? Am I still a top mama even if no one responds to this at all? Do I still have worth and value even if I fall off this "hall of fame" chart I am supposedly on for a brief fleeting moment?

And how coincidental is it that tonight I am teaching a workshop on "Breaking the Bondage of Maintaining an Image"?!! Here I have a momentary uptick in my Image, and I am about to speak about breaking the bondage of trying to maintain an Image!

What are some of my key points? I'm glad you asked. Let's just look at two lies that we wind up believing when it comes to trying to LOOK GOOD.

1. Myth #1 FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT
Even if you "Fake it till you Make it"- you'll never really make it. Sorry, but that's the bad news. As to when you get to the point of having "made it" I don't think we really have an objective indicator for that. The measuring mark just keeps getting moved up, you have to run on that hamster wheel forever, and you'll still never "MAKE IT". You'll never get to that day when all think well of you and YOU think well of yourself. Let's just put that lie where it belongs: in the garbage can!


2. Myth #2 IF YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD, HANG OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO LOOKS WORSE THAT YOU- AND MAYBE YOU'LL LOOK BETTER IN COMPARISON!
At one of the low points in my life, years ago, I decided to befriend a janitor at nursery school my daughter was going to. This was a time in my life when finances were miserable, our housing situation was precarious (tell you more about that some time) and I felt about as wonderful as a frog in a pot of boiling water. I first started talking to this janitor at the school because he was a sweet humble man and I couldn't cope with hanging around anyone who was successful, powerful, and making huge advances in their life. The thing is, as I got talking with this man on almost a daily basis, I found out he was a man of peace, a man of inner rest and tranquility, a man who knew that "no weapon formed against him would prosper". This was a man who could have been the CEO of a company- or he could be a janitor- and neither position would make him feel more self worth.

I learned something from that janitor. He changed the course of my life. Not because I suddenly became successful and wealthy, but because I found out what it looked like to have the "secret of contentment (Phil. 4:10-20). And when I looked at that smiling, rejoicing janitor, I thought to myself, "I want to be like him. I want to know, really know, what he knows."

So, Top Momma, Hot Momma, Weary Momma, Waiting Momma- whatever momma I am, in whatever circumstances I find myself in, I can "do it." Yup, that's right. I can LIVE a wildly satisfying, abundant life, with my eyes on Him, and know no limitations to peace and joy. He says I can have it. And I believe Him.

Breaking the Bondage of Maintaining an Image

I realized that after mentioning, recently, my vision and hearing problems, and then talking about my back I just threw out, that I sound like I'm falling apart! You might be picturing me, hunched over, hobbling, squinting, and calling out,"Huh? What did you say deary?"! I can almost picture some of your sympathetic murmurings, "That poor dear, she's really a mess"!

Well, I am a bit of a mess. On some days I realize this, and on other days I am packaged up quite nicely, thank you. But it all depends on the moment, the month, the miracle of grace, as to how I am doing. I know that full well.

It's appropriate that this week is my next LIFE Workshop I'm teaching. This was planned out months ago, but what a coincidence: I am teaching a workshop called "Breaking the Bondage of Maintaining an Image."

Last night, I lay in bed, flat on my back with a heating pad under my lower back, watching a beautiful but somewhat depressing PBS movie called, Miss Austen Regrets. They depicted Jane as a woman who sipped a lot of wine, spoke her mind freely, and looked like she regretted almost everything while having her speaking that she did not. A bit confusing for me.

The subject of Regrets is a fascinating one. No one wants to have a lot of regret at the end of their life. I would not want to get to the end of my life and have regret over failing to follow God into every thing He called me to. I am purposing to have no regret, each day, in how I live, and in how I seek God. It's wholehearted living I'm after- and as James would add, "with no doubting" because as we know when you doubt you're like a wave of the sea tossed about, and I feel nauseous just thinking about that image.

One of the best ways to go wholeheartedly after God's will for your life is to give up wanting people's approval of you. But this is no small thing. We struggle with this constantly. For this matter, I look at the Biblical figure of David as my mentor. God allowed David's descendant to rule on the throne "because David did what was right in the eyes of the LORD , and had not turned aside from anything that He commanded him all the days of his life , except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite" . (1 Kings 15:5).

Yes, David messed up in that "matter" of adultery, and I'm sure he messed up repeatedly in attitude and sins of the heart. Look through the Psalms and you see him calling out for God to search his heart because he knows only God can keep our heart on target. But David continually longed for God's approval of him, God's blessing and God's favor. It was God that David looked up to when the world looked down at him.

What I look like in God's eyes is the key thing, isn't it? People will not always have the complete picture in mind. They couldn't possibly know all that God has called you to, or allowed you to go through for certain reasons. People will never fully understand the way that you take. But whose eyes are always on you? In whose eyes does it matter what we look like?

I don't have enough energy to go around fine tuning my image and wondering what I look like to others. I have been given, though, enough strength to seek after Him, enough hope of hearing His "Well Done, good and faithful servant" so that the roar of the crowd or the jeers of an enemy do not sound like anything other than noise in my ear- because my eyes are on Him. And most importantly, His eyes are on me.

Brave New Blogging World

Mu and I now have the same cell phone service provider. This could be serious trouble. We always connect, as it is, at least one day a week for an hour or two (or three, if they haven't kicked us out of the place). Face to face, steaming coffee wafting up between us, we relish the comfort of not holding back our thoughts from each other. But now we can connect whenever we want, by cell phone. It's free- since we have the same provider.

It's that sense that we are able to easily be in touch that comforts and stabilizes me. Mu dispenses advice that is tailor made for me. But more than that, knowing her- over these last five plus years- has been a form of accountability for my pursuits and dreams as well. Her memory is sharp. She never forgets a longing that I voice, a goal that I mention, or a dream that I start to describe. For some reason, I "see" myself more clearly when I am with her. I don't fudge on who I am and what I am purposing to do. I usually feel bolder and ready to "strike when the iron is hot".

The problem is that the iron cools quickly when I don't have her near to affirm that I haven't lost all my marbles in opening up my heart and my mouth every time I write or speak. But I can't have Mu on call 24 hours a day. And there are many times when I am with other people or writing something down to share with a group, and suddenly I am aware of how hard it is to honestly disclose what I am thinking, what I really feel, and who I am. The cost of self-disclosure comes up again. I have to ask myself once more, Now what's the price I have to pay here to say this?

There's a power and a danger in self-disclosure. This is an increasingly Tell-All World. But no one talks about the havoc that is wrought when people bare their souls in a moment of exuberant freedom, forgetting the morning-after feeling of alarm and confusion over what they have done.

Some people carefully share intimate details of their lives, knowing what the cost is to themselves and their families. Some people have been gearing up for years to share more and more of themselves in a concerted effort to be authentic and free from the heavy constraints of a privacy that really is just another wall.

No one can push you any farther than where you are, in this journey. No one should. If you blog, every time you share about your life, you have committed to the page something the entire world could potentially read. Authors have to deal with this when they write a memoir or share their journey through a dark time in their life. Even just sharing with a potential friend something about yourself is an act of self-disclosure that you can later feel glad over or regret.

Say the word Friendship and some think it's two men going hunting together, or two women gabbing together about shopping and make-up. (Just for the record, Mu and I think that going out shopping for clothes is about exciting as getting a hangnail removed). Friendships are about self-disclosure and connecting- and connecting is a powerful and sometimes dangerous thing. (Ask an electrician about this).

Connecting with the world through blogging is the new frontier. Am I ready to share more of myself with the world? And why, exactly, would I do this? These are the questions I am asking. Never mind if I asked these already, some time ago. They have surfaced again.

(To be continued tomorrow...)

Grace for the Day

Saturday and Sunday held minor challenges for me, opportunities to worship and to rest, moments of illumination and insight as I read Philip Yancey's Book, "What's So Amazing About Grace?" This is a book I had read years ago, but apparently I wasn't affected by it then. I am now. I am touched by it, unsettled by it, and stirred up.

The challenges I had this weekend were relational oriented. (Aren't they always?!) One college bound son who, in my mind, isn't acting very college bound (ie. responsible, organized, focused) had me fighting the battle to "release" and trust God. My daughter also has needs and it can't always be that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". Sometimes the quiet wheel needs a bit of attention too. Saturday was a lot of running around, errands, and preparations. It ended, though, with a birthday party for my niece, where twelve of us, ages 13-82 , gathered together- and we really did celebrate.

Sunday afternoon we stopped at the Grocery Store right after church to grab the ingredients for sandwiches and soup, so that I wouldn't have to venture out of the house again that day. I was feeling a bit run down and ready to hibernate a bit.

As I was in line checking out, putting the cans of soup on the conveyor belt, I heard the words to that beautiful melody "Let it Be" by the Beatles. Some say the song was not written about Mother Mary but rather about Paul McCartney's mother, Mary, who would always settle family fights by saying, "Let it be. Just let it be." Mothers everywhere are settling scuffles and outcries with those healing words. Let it be. Let it go....Surrender.

After lunch, I flopped in bed with my two new books, one from the library and one from the Salvation Army (where the world has opened up to me at 50c a hardcover. Incredible deal.) Harry was lying on the bed with me, very needy and fretful. He was clipped and shorn like a sheep at the Groomers on Saturday. (If he's not clipped frequently enough, he gets painfully matted).

After having Mono last year, it doesn't take much now for me to rest on my bed in an attitude of gratitude. A book, a sleeping dog next to me, maybe a pot of hot tea on a tray, and I am one blessed woman. Especially if my son and my husband are downstairs working on a computer project, and my daughter wants to do a craft in her room. Then everyone is settled, in their place of choice, doing their activity of choice. It's as it should be. It's peaceful. It's restorative. But it is rare that it happens that way.

I read and I wrestle with this idea of grace. The illustrations Yancey shares moves me to tears. Though this book was published in 1997, the issue of grace has come up again, ten years later. Grace for the Christian, Grace for this troubled world, Grace for our homes. People want to know if this word, Grace, is as powerful as it is purported to be. Could Grace possibly frees us from the panic we often feel? Could Grace deal with the broken down families and the increasingly complex relationships everyone is dealing with? How free would you really be if you walked continually in Grace- Grace for yourself and Grace for others?

Oh, the Land of the Free. "In this land you can question anything," I wrote the other day. Without Grace, you strive to be packaged nicely before you go and talk to God, as if He will not see through your thin veneer of pretense and pride. Who could come clean enough to come forward and talk to God with absolute purity of thought and heart? The longer you pour it all out with Him, the more you keep seeing the shallowness of your thoughts or the selfishness of your ways.

But Grace isn't there for us to become shocked at how bad we can look. Grace is there to help us absorb the enormity of our weak state and yet assure us that we can indeed talk with the Creator of the Universe. Grace holds our hand and leads us to the throne room, all the while declaring, "This one is with me, Father. Please hear them out." And He does. He can listen to every rant and rave, every whimper and every sob, every statement of anger and bitterness.

And to all that, God will give an answer of peace. Peace that heals- because "by His stripes we are healed." Forgiven. Peace that gives perspective- because God will direct you into success as well as keep you through times of failure. Keep you, literally. Will not toss you out because you bombed on a task, blew it big, or wimped out where you once declared your godly purpose to prevail. He already knows the state we need to live in- it's a state of grace because of our human state of weakness.

"The same God who created the heavens and the earth has the power to bridge the great chasm that separates Him from His creatures. He will reconcile, He will forgive, no matter what obstacles His prodigal children put in the way...God will go to any preposterous length to get His family back," Yancey says.

I had just dozed off in the middle of reading that when I heard my bedroom door open. My daughter came in quietly. I was just about to tell her, "Oh, honey, I can't talk right now. I just need to sleep" but before I could say that, she holds up a book in her hand, indicating that she just wants to cuddle in bed and read next to me. She'll read and I can read. Or I can sleep if I need to. That her desire to be near me could coincide with my need to rest filled me with such peace. I could be "weak" right now- tired and worn out, and it wouldn't take away from what she wanted. She hopped in bed next to me.

God somehow desires our company, a relationship with us despite the fact that we are weak, worn out, with not much to give Him. Yet He extends His hand and says "Come closer." When God reaches out to surprise you with a Welcome, instead of an Exile to the Wilderness, you will be touched by Grace. Surprised by it. Astonished that it could work. We can be weak, a mess, mired in sin and He could want to know us, forgive us, and heal us. Grace could overwhelm us.

Or in the case of apostle Paul,"knocked flat on the ground on the way to Damascus, he never recovered from the impact of grace...."


Then let me never recover, as well.

Honestly

Harry, our dog, refused to go out and "do his duty" this morning because it is pouring rain. He will not go out when the elements are hostile.

"This dog wouldn't make it a day, if he were lost in the woods," my husband said with a sigh this morning, looking at Harry curled up, asleep, on the couch. You would think there would be a bit of embarrassment Bill would feel about his other "son" being so ....weak.

Yet we all fawn over that dog, cuddling him, trying to get a little attention from him- if we can wake him up from one of his many needed naps. Last night, Bill was cuddling with him on our bed. I was at my desk in our room, and therefore Harry was right behind me. He has to be as close to me as possible. Bill tried to get Harry to give him a little lick, a glance, anything- but instead, Harry moves closer to the end of the bed, next to the desk where I am.

"He's in love with you", Bill said in a resigned voice. "I can't get him to pay attention to me."

Even when Harry flops on the chair in the living room, his paws hanging over the edge of the chair and touching the ground, he will direct his gaze at me- though you can't tell if he's looking at me or if he's asleep, since his eyes are hidden behind that blond mop.

I do feel adored by my dog, but I have to tell you- it doesn't do that much for my self esteem. Harry is not at all discerning of my weaknesses and my failings. He adores me simply because I am with him, most of the day, and I make him feel secure. Its a basic instinct we all have.

I'm trying to get through a new book, called Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life by Dr. David Hawkins. I don't care for the title, and it's not the kind of book that you read eagerly and with a smile on your face. But I am gleaning some nuggets out of it that reinforce some things I have been thinking about lately.

This blogging thing has brought up an issue for me to deal with. The issue is self-revelation. The question I have is: how much do I want to reveal of myself, and why would I reveal certain things? I've already written about coming out of obscurity in my post, Queen of Anonymity No More (8/21). And I have come out of obscurity and into the blogging world. In a sense, I have self-published.

Now the question is, how far will I take this journey? In the last month, I have had increasing e-mails, conversations, and private messages from various people who are "opening up" to me because I have opened myself up to the world at large, so to speak. They don't write to me because I have it all together, and have proclaimed the Seven Steps to a Perfect Life. They write because I have questioned out loud on my dark days, shared painful moments from my past, and opened up about my hopes and dreams. What encourages people is not when we share our strengths, but usually when we share where we are weak.

Just as with Harry, people want to be near you, often, not because you have answers but because your imperfect reality is there for them to see, and they feel "safe" with you. But for them to feel "safe" I have to live a bit dangerously. Every time I share more of myself, I am more open to the world. I am "known" by those who "read me" yet I may have days where I struggle with confusion over who I really am.


How much honesty is helpful and how much privacy do we need to retain to be healthy? One thing I do know, while honesty is the best policy, it still creates problems. One problem is that as you know me, I will feel the weight of wanting to manage my image, how I come across.

Dr. Hawkins writes, "...except for certain special circumstances-such as when to do so would be harmful- total honesty is the best policy. This means not only telling the truth but also refraining from trying to manage others' perception of me by exaggerating personal strengths and minimizing personal weaknesses. If someone wants to really know me, he or she must be strong enough to know my many foibles. Anything less erodes the integrity of our relationship"

Now I don't know how strong you are. Are you strong enough to handle the depth of my failings in heart and attitude? My resentments that can build up, my fears, or my anger? And then I would have to ask myself, can I handle your weaknesses? From a distance, we seem to be able to extend compassion and empathy. But when someone we are in relationship with is "weak", falls down, looks "bad"- can we handle the truth of who they are?

Who could possibly be strong enough to know our weaknesses and failings- and yet not turn away, nor even flinch at the sight of them? Well, I know His Name.

And that's what I cry out every time I not only see Him, but every time He sees me- really sees me for who I am, and who I could be...

"Savior!"

Me, In a Nutshell

My husband joked with the kids this morning, as they scrambled around, late for school, "We're all late this morning because I was busy listening to your mother. And I'm still not getting paid the hundred dollars an hour she should be paying me!" I smiled at him in agreement, even though I was previously irritated with him these last couple days over some other non-consequential weaknesses of his.

One thing I can say about my husband is that he IS a good listener. And I would probably owe thousands to a counselor if I didn't have him to help me sort out my thinking and my conclusions simply by his listening to me. I can be honest with him and say what I think, and ponder aloud. I am blessed to have a husband like this.

What's one thing someone could say about you, in a nutshell? I enjoy hearing a straight-to-the-point assessment of oneself. I'm intrigued by someone being able to take a whirlwind of attributes, talents, calling, and inner conflicts, and summarize it all by saying "One thing I do know is ..." or "One thing I'm good at is..." or in the Apostle Paul's case,

"but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" Phil. 3:13,14

Paul says, in a nutshell, I'm good at forgetting what I should forget. I'm called to reach forward and press toward what I don't want to ever forget- God's upward call on my life.

I found a little hidden paragraph in Joel Osteen's new book that tells me how he sums up his best skill, his essence, his anointing, if you want to call it that.

"One thing I'm good at is staying focused. I don't allow what people are saying to distract me...I'm called to plant a seed of hope in people's hearts... My gifting is to encourage, to challenge, to inspire."

I read widely and voraciously. (Just ask the local librarians. They constantly call me to tell me the books I've reserved, are "in".) Years ago I read a number of books by trained Life Coaches. Many of these books had exercises you'd go through where you would arrive at some conclusion or assessment of yourself. I remember doing one exercise that had you circling the verbs that resonated with you, narrowing down which were your key activities that you should center in on. It was hard to keep crossing off extra words that were so important to you, but the test had you continually refining what your key motivational attributes or activities were. Then it had you get down to just four.

This was over seven years ago, and I have never forgotten my 4 words. The first two words start off everything I do in life, really. These are my motivators. This is what provokes me, gets me passionate and purposeful. These two words, in particular, and in order, light up my path and fuel my faith.

Learn. Inspire.

In that order. I mean, really-what could I share with people other than what I have learned? And what I set out to learn, I also think many other people want to learn. I know I want to learn how to go forward in life, and not backward. I want to learn how to live in peace but not let peace pacify me and make me dull about battle strategies or the need for them. I want to learn how to appropriate at least a measure of the victory God has in store for me, a portion of that good Plan, at least, that is for my progress and my purpose in this life: that Christ be lifted up, in me, in my life.

And then with what I learn, I want to inspire. While I do teach, I am not trying to get information across. I am not trying to educate. Life Changing Information is available to us in so many places, yet few are grabbing hold of it and applying it with a vengeance. I believe inspiration is needed.

I know I need to be inspired, if I want to make radical changes in my life. I can't just be educated about choices. I can't just be informed. I need the breath of inspiration in me, the lightening rod of the Holy Spirit, the wind of His arrival, the sudden illumination of Truth in a way I can understand.

These are the first two words and the main two words of my existence. One thing I'm good at is learning. Or I should just say that I love to learn. (Let's let God be the judge as to whether I'm good at it!) And as to whether I inspire others, that remains to be seen. I can tell you, I do know how to inspire myself. But it's more that I allow God to inspire me, that I "see" when He's trying to get my attention, provoke me to passionate exploits done in zeal and in crippling but necessary weakness.

You ought to hear me at times, sounding the battle cry- and none are around me. I will be driving in my car, the radio off, with my words loud and feisty as I talk to myself. I call the troops together- and let my emotions and my thoughts know that I am the general and we ARE going forward. I have learned I need to do this. And inspiration takes over. God breathes a new thought into me. I hear it. Or I might sense it in my spirit. I am His own, after all. God breathed life into me that moment in time. And He does still.

There's very little about me that anyone could ever sum up in two words. My temperament and personality is complex, my experiences varied, my interests- many. But you can sum up what I am out and about doing, in this life.

What motivates me beyond all else are two motivational verbs that thrill me beyond belief. They are not the only important verbs in this life. It's just that those two verbs- learn, inspire- are me. They're what I really want to do in this life.

In a nutshell.

Happy Boy's Father

"Happy Boy is on, hon, if you want to watch him," my husband will call out to me now and then. We are rarely in the same room of the house because I hole up in the bedroom, in the evenings, reading or writing or watching a tv show, and he is usually downstairs in the rec room...recreating. Or maybe working on the plumbing. Or dozing on the couch after a hard day's labor.

Who is "Happy Boy"? Okay. Prepare yourselves. If I'm "on the war path" and daring to go where none have gone before, I might as well talk about a controversial figure: Joel Osteen. That's who my husband and I affectionately call Happy Boy. There's no doubt about it: the guy smiles a lot and seems genuinely happy.

Maybe that's one reason so many Christians are irked by him. Now I know that his exegesis and theological reasoning seem weak, at least when he's preaching on T.V. I read his first book, and am now starting on his second book, Become a Better You. The guy is commonly assaulted for a glitzy theological stance that says God wants you to be happy, healthy, and prosperous.

My review of Joel Osteen's book? When I watch his TV sermons, they are a bit skimpy in dealing with the big troubles of life, the deep suffering, the catastrophes that beset many. On TV, he comes across as a happy school boy- naive, irritatingly happy, and simplistic. Yet when I read his books, I see he is a sane man, of sound mind. I see that he is, at least, aware of life's deep problems, the common circular reasoning of many, psychological issues of self sabotage, boundaries,and issues of abuse.

One thing he seems to say over and over, whether on TV or in his books, is that God wants more for you. Think higher and better than what you do. Honestly? He sounds like an overly confident, ivy leaguer who has lived with wealth and prestige all his life.

But here's why I think he comes across this way: He had an earthly father who really poured into him a sense of being loved, called, and destined for greatness. If we're going to attack the guy, attack him for being lavished with love by his parents. Attack him for him having an upbringing where his parents set out in active faith, and took steps of faith, believing for healing, growth, a multiplication of God's resources and light in this world..

Joel Osteen hasn't always been a Happy Boy. He was first a quiet, shy boy, it sounds like.

"I never dreamed that I'd be doing what I am today, encouraging people around the world. For seventeen years, my father tried to get me to speak at our home church, but I had no desire. I'm naturally quiet and reserved and would much prefer working behind the scenes." (p.10)

His Dad must have been loving and encouraging all those 17 years of trying to prod him into speaking- because Joel doesn't seem to resent his Dad for his attempts at getting him into the pulpit. Joel's Dad kept encouraging him, prodding him, and saw no real results for all those years Joel stayed out of the limelight. It wasn't until Joel's Dad died that Joel stepped into the pulpit.

No matter what you think of Happy Boy and his messages, he had a loving father who provoked him, prodded him onward, spoke to him of all that God wanted to do in his life. Let's look at that fact- and then ask if we too wouldn't love to have a father like that! Why, if we had a father like that, we, too, might even be...dare I say the word....happy?! Overjoyed?!

Well, we DO have a Father who speaks life over us, lavishes us with good plans- plans not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future. (Jer 29:11) He is a Father to the fatherless, husband to the widow, Giver of Hope to those whose hope has died. Giver of Life eternal. He's the best Father in the World.

Whether people call you happy boy or happy girl is not the issue. Maybe for you, the new name would be Woman of Peace - if you once walked in anxiety or fear. Or your new name could be Mountain Climber, if you once dared to do nothing but sleep and eat junk food. Or maybe your new name could be Standing Tall- if you once lived a life where people walked all over you, and you thought of yourself as nothing but a doormat.

Whether it's a new Name or a new resolve, we could all use a little upgrading, I think.

Today, I think I will just choose to be happy. Not because all is so abundantly perfect in my life. But because my Heavenly Father IS.

What I Learned at a Garage Sale

It absolutely couldn't have been more beautiful today than it was. The leaves are changing and bursting with color. The cold air makes me want to drink hot coffee and eat apple spice donuts. And so that's what I did this morning.

Then my daughter and I went "sailing (garage sale-ing), digging through an assortment of oddities here and there. Our total take-home treasure? One beautiful full color House Plans book, a pfaltzgraf pie plate (reminding me that I will be baking pies with zeal and abandonment!) and a little package of colorful paper clips my daughter picked out. These were not earth shattering discoveries- just a little fun and discovery under the fall sun.

But as we drove home, we got talking about the last two garage sales we went to. They both were pretty high priced and we could see the owners valued their things highly- even over-valued them. That got us talking about how some garage sales we went to, we could see people didn't know what their things were worth, or didn't care. And other places, every little sock or dish was priced as though it was gold.

We talked about which side we should fall on- if we have to appraise our own worth. Should we fall on one side (because we never get it straight dab smack in the very middle on the first try)- the side of over valuing rather than under valuing who we are? My 13 year old daughter, so far, feels confident of her worth, and said it was better to err on the side of thinking we are worth so much- than to think we are worth nothing . I smiled at her in silent agreement.

It is a dangerous thought in many Christian circles to over value oneself. I know it is thought that this is akin to "pride going before the fall". I know the verse not to think of oneself more highly than we ought" but rather with sober judgment. With safe thinking.

Did you know that when Paul is talking about God not giving us a spirit of fear but one of power, love and "a sound mind" that this word in Greek refers to "safe thinking"?(2 Tim 1:7) It is one thing to be excessively self-indulgent, it is another thing to have sober judgment in valuing yourself, realizing the costly blood of Jesus that was shed for you.

Many fear indulging themselves in positive self-reflection. I can understand why. But as I look around in this world I see very few people who know their worth, who value and respect what God has created, and who know how to walk with their eyes upward, their shoulders squared, and their lungs eagerly taking in air.

I know we ought not to fall into arrogance or pride. But, really, are we accomplishing that- avoiding pride- when we put ourselves down and when we murmur our pleading prayers with self contempt?

I have a daughter about to go out into this world in the coming years. She is equipped in so many ways. She's pretty discerning (and that's partially because I have taught her to trust that instinct that says "something is NOT right" and to go with that- without needing proof that she is right.) She's pretty good with self-defense- and the boys that know her will tell you- don't mess with her! She learned life saving techniques (through a baby-sitting course) and manages her money with skill and intense evaluation.

But above all that, she has got to know her worth- if she's going to be "safe" in this world. She has got to value who she is- because the world is not hospitable to doubters and trembling, fearful souls. It's a jungle out there- and avoiding pride and arrogance, alone, will not keep you humble.

What helps us, I think, is getting back to the root meaning of the word "humble"- stay "low to the ground". But do not grovel. Stay low- because sometimes missiles soar overhead, and because sometimes we need to remember the soil our body will return to- even as our spirit soars heavenward.

Stay low to the ground because the smell of the earth reminds us of living things and that things grow best in good soil of kindness and grace. When you stay low to the ground, you're not quick to judge others- but you are quick to reach out and steady any soul that starts to tumble in a flood of self- hatred or despair.

When you walk humbly, you'll walk with your eyes heavenward and your shoulders squared. You'll breathe in this delicious fall air- and be glad to be alive.

It's Not an Option

Our family is dealing with several areas of our lives where we're pressing in by faith. These are not new issues. We have dealt with these matters before, and have not seen the breakthroughs,yet, that we need. "But we are not unaware of the devil's schemes"- and so we are not fully defeated, even if we are delayed a bit in our progress.

There is nothing so powerful as defeat- painfully powerful in its ability to lay you low, take you out of the game, take you out for the count. Whether you are a child, a teen, or an adult- makes no difference- the pain of defeat and denial is far reaching. It can take root in your life and causes you to start to pull back every time you approach something that even remotely looks like the matter that you failed in before.

Failure is not an option in our family. I do not mean failing a test, or failure in a game, or financial failure. We've experienced all those. That happens to many of us- and does not have to be the end of the matter.

I am talking about failure to thrive- that critical state where a person- even a tiny premature baby- has no will to go on, or such a weak system that they can not mount the assault against opposing forces in order to live.

Today there seems to be an even more insidious attack on the Christians will to live, his will to thrive, her will to go on. I know because I battle this often, and many would not know it. I seem capable, strong, and industrious- and I am. But I am not impervious to pain- and Satan knows how to dig deep at tender spots in my life, at beloved loved ones who I can't stand to see hurt- and he makes me know he has power to cause damage. He does- that's the plain hard truth. But damage is one thing-failure is another.

Christians who fail are not Christians who get hurt or who make mistakes. Christians dealing with failure are those deliberating giving up the fight, taking off their dignity and worth and succumbing to despair and humiliation, and letting Satan dance on them with demonic delight.

NO WAY. Not in my life, not in my family. So when we experience times of sadness or times of temporary defeat, I am on the look-out that the enemy of our soul does not get a foothold in our lives. He will not take those I love down to the grave of despair and kill their spirit.

I have authority from Him to speak to the enemy and tell him, "When I fall, I WILL arise". I have authority to come with boldness to the throne, in "full assurance of faith...(and I) hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering" (Hebrews 10).

And then I start "to stir up love and good works". The enemy hates good works- and these are not pious deeds so much as they are aggressive actions of faith done in conviction of the Lord's power to PREVAIL.

It could be when that motorcycle guy prayed for me at that service months ago (remember that?) and I asked him to pray for BOLDNESS for me- it could be that I have more of that now, than even before.

I have need of it. And so do you.

"Therefore, brethern, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus....let us draw near with a true heart in FULL assurance of faith...." Hebrews 10:19,22

Cause we are not going down without a fight. We are not failing to thrive.

That's NOT an option.

Pajamas, Dirty socks and Hope

I went running off this morning, my hair sticking up all over, clad in my "bad kitty" pajama bottoms, no bra, and holding dirty soccer socks in my hand as I raced out the door to try to catch up with the school bus that my son was on. He needed the socks for his soccer game today. And they weren't even clean socks, but who cares? They'll get dirty within minutes, is my thinking. The thing is to get the socks to Alex and then race home before any hidden cameras catch me and I wind up on some Bloopers show, uncovered, discovered, in all my morning glory.

Both kids are doing well back at school, but my daughter is especially organized, prepared, and on top of everything. It is such a relief to have one child, at least, who is reminding YOU, and not the other way around, of what must be done next. I believe she will be an excellent wife- and really, "An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels." Proverbs 31:10. She helps me with my clothing choices and fusses over my appearance on those days when my theory of "a dab of lipstick will do ya" is not doing it for her!

Whether I look like a wreck does not concern me as much as whether I feel like a wreck. I have one sister who has polished her smile down to a science, knows how to face the camera in such a way as to get the best photo taken of herself, and rarely has a bad hair day. But I am not jealous of her. (At least, not jealous of that particular skill of hers).

I am a woman in need of inner peace above all else. If I feel at peace inside- even in bad circumstances- if I feel endowed with strength and I have regained some perspective that brighter days lay ahead, then I can run out the door looking like the wreck of the Hesperus,
and care not that my outer glory has so fallen. I look as young as I feel, I reason, and besides, hope is the great beautifier. It's the glory and the lifter of my head.

I open my car door and proudly walk inside my house, pajama bottoms and hair sticking out all over. I hope the world has seen me today- in all my glory!

Dignity

Dignity. I've seen this word used in describing how someone died- "with dignity" or how someone carried themselves "with dignity". I'm not sure we Christians use this word too often, because it sounds like it leans toward aristocracy or high-brow living or stoic, determined living above pain.

Why am I talking about this word? Sunday afternoon, (remember, my day of rest?!), my husband Bill and I were talking heart to heart, challenging each other with God's admonition to press forward, go onward, go higher. Bill said "The word that comes to me is dignity. I think God wants us to conducts ourselves and think about ourselves with dignity- no matter how we might be tempted to feel about ourselves." We had been chatting about the highs and the lows of our lives, our experiences in ministry and our experiences with challenging situations and people. "I've seen fire and I've seen rain" James Taylor sang, and he was right. Psalm 66 tells us God even LETS people ride over our heads- but that He also brings us out to a place of abundance.

Wikipedia discusses dignity and when I read these words I was struck by the truth of the definition, the application...:

"According to Webster's Dictionary, the word dignity means the quality of being worthy of esteem or honor; worthiness; i.e., the quality of being highly valued....

Society is free when it has free people. People are free when they have learned the truth about themselves, when they carry the truth with dignity, when they are internally free. Internal freedom is freedom from fear to be judged,....freedom from doubts about dignity....Society knows freedom when its people know dignity."

I got thinking about God's Society- His Kingdom people- and the application of the above definition. God's Kingdom should be characterized by dignity and value and freedom. Galatians 5:1 New Life Version tells us Christ made us free. Stay that way. Plain and simple. One way to walk in His freedom is to continually respect the Word of God, respect the Work of God, and respect, specifically, His marvelous work in your life.

My father coached high school and college soccer for 30 years. One of his favorite exclamations that he'd call out when watching his players try to receive the ball and botch up the pass was
"Respect the ball! Respect the ball!" He wanted the players to think higher of their capability to play well, and to look at the soccer ball as being worthy of being passed and kicked in a manner of respect and good execution.

I feel like God is speaking a message of respect and dignity into my life. I can hear the lyrics Aretha Franklin sang "R-E_S_P_E_C_T! Find out what it means to me...." Here's what I hear the Holy Spirit whispering to me "Treat yourself with respect. Walk in Dignity. Walk freely in My path for you. Stay free, and share the message of my marvelous freedom with those who walk with head down, hands limp, eyes clouded with despair."

Hebrews 12:12,13 tells us Therefore, lift up the hands that hang down and the feeble knees,and make straight paths for your feet, so that which is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.

We have all had experiences where our sense of worth and value was not strengthened but rather wounded or dislocated even. How does healing come? A dear new friend of mine, Gabie, advised that God "will give you the strategy and the strength to get out from under." Get out from under what? From any lie that speaks "you have no value, no worth, no future."

May today be a day where the dignity ( "a certain worth or value") of being a beloved child of God rules in our life, our walk, and most of all in our sense of who we are. What is your certain worth or value? Beloved sister or brother, it is in Him and because of Him- and it is exceedingly above what we could ever ask or imagine. And higher than that, even, is His inestimable glory.

Son Shine on My Soul Today, The Worthy Lamb has Made a Way .... for me.